Page 90 of Forever Yours

I appreciated the apology, but that was all they’d been giving me for months.

“I can’t let things continue the way they have been. I love Julien. I love you and Ryder. But I’m not happy. Haven’t been in a while. I gave up Stanford to come here because I knew Julien needed me.”

I couldn’t believe I just confessed that out loud. Fallon had already opened that door based on what Julien had said the other night, but I hadn’t. Might as well walk right on through.

“I gave up everything, Jay, and I’m trying hard to find my new normal here, but bad shit keeps happening. Stuff I need to deal with without all the crap you, Ryder, and Julien keep heaping on me. I’m suffocating, and I’m sorry if you can’t understand that.”

Goddamn, where has this assertive side of me been hiding? I must be channeling Fallon or something.

His stricken face gaped at me. “But I thought things were good with you and Jules. He said you guys talked and things were good.”

Sliding fingers across my forehead, I sighed. “We are, and they are. I am madly in love with your brother. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. But I can’t sacrifice myself or my happiness again. Sometimes, I’m going to need space to just… be. Doesn’t mean I don’t love him. Or you. Does that make sense?”

He yanked me to him, arms wrapping around me in a vise.

“You’re my family, E. And I’m so fucking sorry for everything. I’m trying to do better. I haven’t had a drink since the hospital. Don’t give up on me.”

“Don’t give up on yourself.”

When it came down to it, change had to take place inside yourself, not for someone else.

If joining fight clubs or whatever the hell he started doing helped, I’d rather he did that than drink himself to death.

“Can you give me a minute to change? My balls are turning blue.”

My crass joke had the desired effect and made him laugh. It lasted but a second before he turned solemn. He scuffed the toe of his sneaker back and forth along the seam between two tiles on the floor.

“Julien planned this whole special dinner thing. Romantic and shit. Please come to the condo for dinner. We miss you, man.”

Another dose of emotional blackmail. This time, it worked.

I found myself nodding yes. “Okay.”

His relief was palpable, his smile heartwarming. “I’ll text Jules.”

There was a click of a door opening, and then Director Winters strolled out of his office.

Upon seeing Jayson standing next to me, he said, “Mr. Jameson. Nice to see you. Mr. Barnes, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Hi, Coach,” Jayson timorously said.

Director Winters hummed ammhmmand disappeared around the corner.

“That man hates me.”

CHAPTER 26

The sun hovered low in the sky, allowing a few faint stars to be seen in the dusky sky, when Jayson and I left the natatorium together. Because it felt nice out and not too muggy, I declined his offer for a lift to the condo and told him that I’d meet him there. I’d rather walk, and their condo wasn’t that far, about twenty minutes on foot from campus.

I popped my wireless earbuds in and pulled up the playlist I created the other day and started walking. Deciding to cut through the middle of campus, I made a detour when I saw the dome of the planetarium. During the New Year’s Eve Julien and I spent in Chapel Hill, we’d talked about going to one of the stargazing shows at the Morehead Planetarium. Hopefully, the CU planetarium offered something similar.

Ten minutes later, I left with a couple of brochures, reading them over while I walked. I hadn’t thought about taking an astronomy class. It would fulfill a required science credit and be a cool class to take. The skywatching parties they held were once a month at the botanical garden. The next one was two weeks away. I added the date in my phone’s calendar.

Tapping an earbud, I answered, “Hello?” when my phone’s ringtone sang in my ear.

“Yes, hello. I’m looking for Elijah Barnes,” a female voice said.

Slowing my walk, I checked the screen when I didn’t recognize who it was. The name “Metcalf and Holmes” flashed on the display.

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