Page 22 of Forever Yours

He, Julien, and Jayson went for a walk a half hour ago. I decided to stay behind and watch over our stuff. I didn’t mind. I preferred being alone. A consequence of growing up always feeling like I didn’t belong because I feltdifferentthan everyone else. Bullied and picked on—fuck you very much, Marshall. Hiding who I was. It led to a lot of self-exclusion. Total bullshit to think that way, but I had a screwed-up mentality and low self-esteem, thanks to my mother.

Pulling up his sunglasses to perch on top of his head, Ryder grinned, his amber eyes glowing like shards of golden sea glass under the afternoon sun.

“I left them about a half mile that way.”

He thumbed to indicate the direction. Sure enough, two small specs appeared in the distance, made wavy by the radiant heat emanating up from the beach. The optical illusion was similar to a highway mirage you see on summer days while driving on hot asphalt.

Ryder bumped my shoulder.

“I wanted to talk to you.”

His serious tone had me sitting up straighter.

“About?”

“Last night. It was a shitty thing for me to just up and leave like that.”

I dribbled more sand onto the mound I had started.

“It’s okay.”

Ryder bumped my shoulder again.

“Nah, man, it’s not. And I owe you a huge fucking apology. Fallon chewed my ass out last night when I stopped by his frat. And he’s right.”

I was afraid to ask Ryder exactly what Fallon said to him to have him coming at me with his hat in his hand, as the saying went.

Not wanting to know, I asked anyway. “Right about what?”

Ryder looked at me. “Why didn’t you go to Stanford?”

Goddammit, Fallon.

I wasn’t going to lie, which meant that I kept my mouth shut and said nothing.

The advancing wash of a small breaker ate into my dribble creation, and it collapsed into a mushy sand pile. I could feel Ryder’s eyes on me when he stretched his long legs out in front of him and reclined back onto his elbows.

“I promise I’m going to step up and do better. It’s not your responsibility to take care of us,” he quietly stated.

“Ryder—”

He cut me off.

“Don’t let our shit over Elizabeth mess up what you and Julien have. He loves you.”

Eyes closed, I tipped my face up to the sun.

“I know he does.”

He also loved Liz.

Ryder sat up and placed his hand on my knee.

“Julien loves you, but don’t let that love become a shackle and stop you from pursuingyourdreams and livingyourlife,” he emphasized.

My stomach knotted. How many deep, profound conversations had I had over the past two days? Fallon, Ash, Jayson, Julien, and now Ryder. It was starting to get depressing. It was also ticking me off. I knew he said it coming from a good place, but didn’t he see the hypocrisy of it? He should take his own advice and stay out of how I handled my relationship with Julien.

“I won’t,” I replied, even though it was a lie.

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