Page 66 of The Second Chance Year

“What areyoudoing here?” I ask. Maybe my longing for him somehow sent a wish into the universe and he appeared? Believe me, stranger things have happened. But next time, the universe and I need to work on our wish-delivery system. I can’t take this kind of excitement.

Jacob hitches his chin toward the Craftsman bungalow across the street from where I’m parked. “That’s my parents’ place.”

Oh right. Jacob grew up only a couple of blocks from Owen and me. I probably would have recognized the house in the light of day, but tonight, I had my mind on other things.

“I tried calling when I saw you sitting out here, but you didn’t answer,” Jacob continues.

I look around the car. “I think I left my phone at home.”

“So, are you here looking for… me?” he asks.

“Yes.”Yes, I’m here looking for you. I will be looking for you for the rest of my life.“Uh, I mean, no. I mean, I was just out for a drive. You want to come?” I kick the CD farther under my seat.

He hesitates, and I’m seized with wild hope. Finally, his shoulders droop, just a little. “I can’t. Paige is here, and we were in the middle of a movie. I just came out when we noticed your car.”

“Oh.” I look back toward the house, and Paige is standing in the doorway now. I mean, of course Paige is here. That’s how itworks. When you’re dating someone, and they’re important to you, you invite them home for the holidays. It’s not like Owen didn’t warn me. She waves, and I lift my hand weakly in return. “That’s so nice that Paige is here with you for Christmas.”

“Well, her family is in California, and she couldn’t get the time off to fly out there. I didn’t want her to be alone.”

“She’s lucky to be with you.”So lucky.“I’ll let you get back to your movie.” I shift my body so I’m facing the front windshield.

Jacob takes a step back, away from the car. “Merry Christmas, Sadie.”

“You too, Jacob.” I put the car in gear and drive off.

Chapter 36

It’s amazing how much heavier your body feels with half of your heart missing.

I drift through the rest of the holiday in a daze, which, in the end, is a blessing. When I make the announcement to my family that I didn’t get the promotion, I have a new level of detachment that I’ve never been able to achieve with my parents before. I guess they’re upset, but you know what? That’s their problem. I’m dealing with my own heartbreak over here, and I don’t have the energy to suffer through theirs.

Back in the city, I spend my time lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling with Gio curled up on my chest. I’m going to have to figure out a job soon, because I only have a couple of months’ cushion before I’ll have to dip into the money I’ve been saving to start my bakery. For now, I can’t face it, though. New York might be a big city, but the restaurant industry is a small town, and I’m sure Xavier has trash-talked me to everyone he knows. If I end up losing this apartment, it’s not like Jacob is going to take me in again.

I try not to dwell on Jacob, but he’s everywhere in this tiny apartment. Standing in the middle of the room, filling up the space. Smiling at me from my couch, a plate of chocolate cake on his lap. Wrestling with my cat and suggesting the perfect name.

Walking across the room, sitting on the bed, and kissing me.

The worst part is that I did this to myself. Jacob loved me. I know he did. All through my Very Bad Year, and long before that, he loved me in the most generous, thoughtful, the mostJacobways. If I hadn’t been so self-absorbed, I might have looked up from my own misery to see it. To see him. And if I had, I’d probably be with him right now. But I wished that year away. I wished that chance away. And when I did, I set a whole new year into motion. One where Jacob met Paige, and he fell in love with her instead of me. It’s all my fault. And there’s nothing I can do to change it.

By the time the morning of New Year’s Eve rolls around, Gio and I are three seasons ofThe Golden Girls, six pints of Ben & Jerry’s, and a packet of cat treats into my epic moping marathon. I really, really, really don’t want to go out and face the world, but Zoe is planning a New Year’s party at the café, and she needs me to make the pastries. As miserable as I am, I can’t let Zoe down, so I drag myself out of bed and head for the shower for the first time in… Well. Let’s not talk about how long it’s been.

Six hours later, I’m at Higher Grounds arranging a tray with macarons while José Luis and Zoe bustle around, moving tables and hanging decorations, once again at the direction of Mrs. Kaminski.

“Come on, Mrs. K,” José Luis says, shimmying across the dance floor to the music playing through the speakers. He holds out his hand. “Don’t we deserve a little break? Why don’t you show me your moves?”

Mrs. Kaminski swats him away, and I can’t help but laugh. I have to admit, I’m feeling a teeny, tiny bit better. This placealways seems to do that to me. I go back to my pastries, and a minute later, as I’m wrestling with an industrial-sized box of plastic wrap, I hear the front door jingle.

“I’m sorry, we’re closed for a private party,” Zoe tells the customer who walked in.

“Oh, I just wanted some coffee,” the customer says.

My head jerks up. I’d know that voice anywhere.

“Kasumi?”

My former best friend stands at the counter, staring at me with wide eyes. “Sadie? Wow, I didn’t expect to see you here.”

She’s wearing a black coat, but underneath, I can see the edges of a tulle skirt peeking out. It’s New Year’s Eve, she’s probably off to a costume party, one that she’ll photograph beautifully and get a hundred billion likes on Instagram. The ache in my heart comes back in full force. I miss Kasumi. I miss her energy and the fun we had. I miss talking to her.

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