Page 64 of The Second Chance Year

“Well.” Owen takes his time pouring himself a drink. “Jacob loved you for years, and you were totally oblivious. And now you have all thesefeelingsfor him…” He shakes his head slowly. “And Jacob finally met someone else.”

My stomach lurches.Paige.

“How was I supposed to know he felt that way? He never did anything to make me think…”

“Are you kidding? How is it possible you never noticed him constantly hanging around you?”

“He was constantly hanging aroundyou. You’re his best friend.”

“Wrong.Inever hung out at that bakery where you worked in high school.”

What? I mean, sure, Jacob used to sit in the back of the café where I worked. But lots of kids hung out there. And Jacob always had his head bent over a textbook and barely looked up when I brought him his order. “He wasn’t there for me. Thatbakery was a good place to study. Or maybe he just really liked my muffins.”

Owen snorts. “Oh, he liked your muffins all right.”

If we were sitting closer, I’d smack him again. “You are a gross person.”

My brother smiles like he’s proud of it. “How many times was he there at the end of the night to drive you home?”

I bite my lip, trying to remember. If Jacob was studying at the café at closing time, he’d offer me a ride. But half the time, he was coming to our house anyway. And those rides were so painfully silent. I couldn’t wait for Jacob to pull the car in our driveway so I could jump out and run into the house. “I thought it was because otherwise,youwould have had to come and get me. Remember, you were the only one who got a car in high school so you could drive to Trenton for those weird Mathletes events?”

“Fine,” Owen concedes, tapping his fingers on his whiskey glass. “But our junior year of high school, Jacob wrote an entire album of songs for you. He burned them to a CD, and I swear it took him a whole month to work up the nerve to give it to you.”

“He never gave—” But a half-formed memory settles over me. A skinny, flannel-wearing Jacob hovering in my doorway with a CD in his hand. When he gave it to me, I assumed he was Owen’s musician friend who liked making mixtapes. I didn’t know hewrote the songs for me. But maybe I wasn’t paying attention. My cheeks burn. I think I thanked him and then put the CD on my shelf.

“You never even listened to that CD, did you?”

I shake my head slowly.

Owen looks at me with his eyebrows arched, like I’m the dumbest person on the planet. Which, maybe I am. Because when I think back on this second chance year, the one constant, the one person I could count on was Jacob. When I needed him, Jacob was there, over and over. And if I really think about it, I see that in his friendship with Owen, too. The way they’re like brothers, the way they’ll do anything for each other.

That’s how Jacob shows he cares. He doesn’t make wild declarations.He shows up.

I take a sip of whiskey, for courage. “So, what do I do now?”

“Nothing. Unfortunately, I think you do nothing.”

“Wait. What? This is the part of the evening where we craft a plan to remind Jacob he still loves me. What am I supposed to do withnothing?”

“Listen, Sadie.” Owen stands up now, and paces across the room. “Jacob is the best guy I know. And while this may feel like a big revelation toyou, he’s spent a lot of time wrestling with feelings that you didn’t reciprocate. And now, he’s finally met someone else. Paige is smart, and fun, and she draws him out of his shell.” He stops in front of me. “You know I love you. But…” He cringes, pulling off his hat and running a hand through his hair. “That’s why I need to tell you that I think Jacob is finally moving on. And I just don’t want him to get hurt again.”

I can see Owen is really serious. All traces of his laughing fit from earlier are gone, and it’s clear this really matters to him. And—I look down at my hands—I’m a mess. I’ve screwed up every single thing I’ve touched this year, and I’d probably screw this up with Jacob, too. And he deserves better.

“Okay,” I whisper. “I totally understand.” I get up from the couch, but my legs are wobbly. Now that my feelings for Jacob are so glaringly obvious, my heart is lurching for the door. It’s straining to go and find him and tell him how I feel. To beg him to love me back.

But I can’t. If he’s happy with Paige, I have no right to interfere.

“I think I’m going to bed.” I force a smile. “Good night, Owen.”

“Wait.” He grabs my arm as I walk past. “Are you okay?”

“Yep. Super.”

“You’re upset.” Owen looks me over, and luckily, my face was already puffy, and my eyes were already red, so it’s not like he’ll be able to tell the difference. “We can talk about this more. I don’t want you to get hurt either.”

“No… no. It’s all been kind of a shock. But I really am fine.” I tug my arm away from him. All I want is to go upstairs so I can stop smiling this stupid fake smile.

He hesitates, and then finally says, “Okay, if you’re sure.”

---