It’s gentle at first. Our mouths come together, apart, back together again. He slides a hand up to my cheek and sits back to look at me like he can’t believe I’m real. I’m shaking a little. And then he leans in again, and I’m grabbing his shirt, his hands are tangled in my hair, and our bodies are pressed together.
I thought our last kiss was intense—that kiss on his couch during my Very Bad Year—but it was nothing compared to this. Nothing compared to kissing him when I know him so much better and see him so much clearer. He shifts his weight, lowering me onto the bed and pressing my body into the mattress. I clutch his shoulders as his lips explore the sensitive skin on my jaw, my neck, behind my earlobe. His mouth finds mine again, and we kiss until my lips are swollen and my cheeks are marked from the stubble on his chin.
With every kiss, with every touch I want more. More ofhim. Desperately, I grasp the hard muscles of his shoulders and tug his shirt over his head. And it’s cliché, I know it is, but the motion is a bucket of ice water dumped right over us. He freezes with his arms propped on either side of my head, blinking down at me in a daze, like he just woke up from a dream.
Or maybe it was a nightmare. Because the next thing I know, he’s rolled off me, and the chilled air from the AC unit inthe window blows across my heated skin. I shiver, and not in a good way.
Jacob slides to the edge of the bed and puts his head in his hands. “Shit. I can’t do this.”
I struggle to sit up.“What?”
He looks everywhere but at me. “I’m so sorry.”
And just like that, all the oxygen goes out of the room. Oh my God. He’s sorry. He’ssorry. Is this really happening again?
“What the hell?” I stare at his back.
Finally, he turns to me, and the regret on his face is so agonizing that I have to look away.
“Sadie,” he says. “You just broke up with your boyfriend of three years. You’re upset about your parents. I came up here because you were crying and distraught. And then I made a move on you.”
“I wasoverthe crying when you made a move on me. I’m not crying now.” Except I kind of am, but it has nothing to do with Alex or my parents, and everything to do with the humiliation I’m experiencing.
His head shakes back and forth. “Owen wouldkillme if he knew I took advantage of you when you were vulnerable.”
My mouth drops open. “Excuse me? I do have some agency here. I don’t need my brother to decide when I’m allowed to make out with someone.”
“I know that. But I’m trying to be your friend.”
I get off the bed and stomp to the other side of the room.“Maybe I don’t want to be your friend.”
Jacob slowly shakes his head. “I get it that this seemed like a good idea at the time, but I saw you crying out there onthe street. This isn’t—” He runs a hand through his hair. “We shouldn’t start something like this. Not now when you’re—”
“When I’m what?” Except I already know. I turn away, pressing a hand over my eyes. “Oh my God, I can’t believe this is happening again.”
“Again?”
How many times am I going to do this? What’s it going to take for me to realize that Jacob isn’t interested in me? He’s Owen’s best friend, and I’m Owen’s pathetic, sad sister, and he feels sorry for me. And the worst part is that despite all of that, the sight of his messy hair and the broad chest that pressed me down into the mattress still has my heart turning to butterscotch pudding. “I think you need to leave, Jacob.”
He hesitates, and then finally nods. “Can I call you tomorrow? To see if you’re okay?”
I felt humiliated before, but that was nothing compared to the thought of him calling to make sure I’m not drowning my sorrows in a vat of raw cookie dough. I close my eyes. “Oh my God, please don’t call me. Please just… go.” I sink down on the bed, facing the wall.
Jacob moves toward the door and then pauses.Please don’t let him say anything to make this even worse.Amoment later, the door creaks open. As soon as it gently closes behind him, I’m crying again.
I reach up to wipe my eyes and a little furry head pops out from under my arm. Gio looks up into my face and meows. I pick him up and clutch him to my chest. “I’m done with men, Gio. Except you. You’re the man of my dreams.”
Gio purrs in agreement.
Chapter 23
September
Sadie, can you come into my office?”
I look up in surprise from the peach cupcakes I’m decorating. My automatic reaction is that I’m about to be sacked, but… No. Xavier gets too much joy from firing people publicly, so it can’t be that.
“Uh, sure.” I leave my pastry bag on the prep table and follow him into his office.