Page 67 of The Second Chance Year

She eyes my tray of cookies. “Do you work here now?”

I nod. “Yeah, I make all the pastries.”

“What happened to Xavier’s?” There’s an edge to her voice, and I can’t blame her. I put Xavier’s first and blew up our friendship over it. But at least Kasumi’s talking to me; she hasn’t turned and walked out, which is major progress from all my other attempts to reach out to her. Is this my chance to apologize and finally fix this?

Suddenly nervous, I drop the box of plastic wrap and fumble to pick it up. “Could we talk for a minute? I really want to explain what happened. And apologize to you.”

Kasumi hesitates, but she doesn’t say no. I seize on this opening, tilting my head toward a table in the back of the room. “Please? We can sit over there.”

“I have to work tonight…” She trails off, looking at me across the counter, and then she finally nods. “But I guess I have five minutes.”

I blow out a relieved sigh. “Thank you.”

We make our way to the table in the back, and Zoe swings by to drop off two cups of coffee. I clutch the mug, grateful to have something to do with my hands. “Thanks, Zoe.”

“Let me know if you two need anything else, okay?” Zoe must have overheard our conversation at the counter because she rests a hand on my shoulder, showing she’s here for me, before she walks away.

Kasumi watches Zoe head back behind the counter, and then turns back to me. “So.”

I take a deep breath and look at her across the table. “I want to apologize for throwing you and Samantha under the bus at Xavier’s. I knew she didn’t leave that tray of food out, and I should have backed you up.”

“I just don’t understand why you didn’t. I mean, what happened to you?” Kasumi’s eyes narrow, and she levels an accusing glare at me. “You used to be such a strong person, and you’d stand up for people and have their backs. And then all of a sudden, it was like you were a different person, and I didn’t know you at all.”

I look down at my hands wrapped around my coffee mug. “You’re right. And I’m so sorry.”

“So, what changed?” Kasumi leans back against her chair and crosses her arms.

“I don’t know how to explain it, exactly.” Again, theI’m living this whole year over for the second timeexplanation really isn’t going to cut it. But it’s not really about that anyway. I let my friend down. That was a decision I made. “To be honest, I guess I just started listening to the voices in my head. The ones saying that if I want to be a success, I had to play the game.” I stare into the dark liquid in my cup. “You know, don’t be so loud or opinionated, or…” I shrug. “I got scared that if I didn’t tone it down, I’d lose the things that mattered to me… Like my job. Or Alex.”

Kasumi looks at me sideways. “So, how did that work out for you? You know, not being so loud, or opinionated, or whatever?”

“Really, really badly.” A laugh bubbles up before I can stop it. “And—” My smile fades. “It turns out that I did lose things that mattered to me. Thatactuallymattered.” I meet her eyes. “Like you.”

She looks at me for a moment, her face softening now. And then she nods like maybe she kind of gets it. “To be fair to you, it probably wasn’t just the voices in your head you were hearing. It was also the voices of your parents, and Alex, and you know…” Her lips curve into a tentative smile. “Society.”

I look up at her. Shedoesget it. Why didn’t I just talk to her about all this months ago, when we were still friends? Maybe I wouldn’t have felt so alone. Maybe I could have saved us both so much heartache. “That’s not an excuse, though. I made my own decisions.”

Kasumi takes a sip of her coffee. “So, whatdidhappen at Xavier’s? Why don’t you work there anymore?”

I open my mouth to give the same explanation I’ve beenspouting to everyone, the one that sounds like the pack of lies it is.I decided Xavier’s wasn’t a good fit, I’m looking for new opportunities, it was time to move on, blah, blah, blah.But instead, what comes out of my mouth is, “Xavier sexually harassed me.”

Kasumi’s eyes widen. “Oh my God, Sadie. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah.” I stare out across the café. It still makes my skin crawl to remember it. “He dangled a promotion in front of me to try to get me to sleep with him.”It never ceases to be mortifying, does it?“One that he never intended to give me.”

Kasumi is silent for a minute, and then finally, she pulls her coat off, like she’s decided to stay for a while. And then she leans in. “He did that to me, too.”

My gaze flies to hers. “What? When?”

“A couple of different times. He’d reach across me while I was chopping vegetables and get a little too close. Or he’d make an uncomfortable dirty joke when nobody else was around.” She shakes her head. “And then one day, he called me into his office and tried to back me up against the desk…” She cringes. “I was lucky that one of the servers—Ethan—walked in, or I don’t know what I would have done.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Kasumi stares at her coffee, sliding her finger around the lip of the cup. “It was so embarrassing. I mean, I’m someone who stands up for herself, who works with her best friend to unionize her culinary school classmates…” She gives me a sad smile. “I just couldn’t believe it was happening to me, and I didn’t know how to stop it.”

I nod because Iget it. “Even though you know rationally that it’s not your fault, you wonder if maybe you did something tolead him on. Because otherwise, why would he ever think…” I trail off, remembering all the times Xavier complimented me on my pastries, all the times he dangled that promotion in front of me, and I’d been so grateful. Had I given him the wrong idea?

“Right, and you can’t help but think, he’s a world-renowned chef, and I’m just… me.” Kasumi shakes her head. “Who was going to believe me?”

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