Page 91 of This Spells Love

“You are?”

Dax nods. “Brandon’s brother Peter manages an H&R Block. He’s said a few times that if I ever got tired of the small business hustle, he’d take me on and train me as a full-time tax associate. I’ll take it. I bet I can move into Dougie’s basement for a while until I get on my feet. Still think you want to date a guy who lives in his cousin’s basement?”

“Yes.” I take his head between my hands and try to communicate via telepathy every single one of the million thoughts I’ve ever had about how I think he’s the greatest human being on this planet. How I know with every cell in my body that he’s the one for me, my perfect match. How I’ve fucked us up once, and now maybe twice, but in both those scenarios and any that may follow, I will always want him, always.

The wordsDax, I love youare on the edge of my breath, ready to fall. But his phone begins to buzz, and before I can say everything that’s left to be said, he’s pressing it to his ear.

“Hey, Ma. Did Dougie call you? Yes, I know…. Everything’s gone…. Everything.”

My head is swimming. But it’s not water in there. It’s thick sludge, and it’s preventing me from collecting my thoughts. Should I take him back to Aunt Livi’s right now? Reverse the spell? Right this wrong immediately?

No, I can’t. It won’t work. Not yet anyway. I still have a few days before the moon is ready.

Should I just tell him about our life in some other universe and hope he understands? Would it save him some heartache if he knew I could fix this? One spell and we could put everything back. Do I want to put everything back?

Somewhere in the middle of my spiraling, Dax hangs up the phone. He holds out his hand and helps me to my feet, but before he can step away, I throw my arms around him.

I take in his smell. The way his body feels under my hands. The way I instantly feel safe and perfect and right. I’m memorizing everything. Cataloging all the little things I took for granted for four long years.

I feel him inhale, and I can hear the pain in his breath. It isn’t until I pull away and his hand presses his ribs that I realize it was physical pain and not emotions.

“Shit!” My hand flies to my mouth. “I am so sorry, Dax. I forgot. With everything…I totally forgot.”

“It’s fine, Gemma, don’t worry about it.”

But I do.

It’s the last straw.

The final bolt in the floodgates keeping everything in comes loose.

Hot tears stream down my cheeks, and my breath turns short and shallow. I know I shouldn’t be crying. This isn’t about me. I should be strong for Dax. But once I start, I can’t stop. It’s like a landslide.

“Hey, come on, don’t cry.” Two arms come around me and pull me into his chest. I stand there, frozen, unable to move, not wanting to hurt him any more than I already have.

“It’s just a store, Gems,” he says into my hair. “No one was hurt.”

I pull away, cleaning my face with my sleeve. “That’s the kind of stuff I’m supposed to be saying to you. I give you full permission to become the blubbering mess in this relationship right now. I can be the reassuring one. I got this.”

He picks up my hand and tilts his head back in the direction of the fire. “I’m okay for now. But I may take you up on it later. Dougie just texted me. He’s here. Your aunt is with him too. My sister is on the way. We should go talk to them.”

We walk back to Dax’s store. I’m still not prepared to see it so burned and broken. My stomach again twists at the gaping wound that once was Kicks.

At some point, Dax’s hand is replaced with one that’s leathered and steady and even more familiar.

“You hanging in there, poodle?” is whispered in my ear as I’m pulled into a lavender-scented hug.

“This is all my fault,” I whisper, feeling a little better after finally letting the words out.

“Oh, honey, no.” She holds my face between her hands, using her thumb to dry the tears that have made an encore performance.

“Sometimes bad things happen in life. And when there’s nowhere solid to place the blame, we get stuck holding on to it. But there’s nothing you could have done to prevent this. Nothing at all.”

Sure, this fire might’ve been inevitable. Dax, in my timeline, might be staring at a big black hole that once held his dreams. There may be a thousand other timelines with a thousand other Daxes, each having the absolute worst day of their lives right now, but I have no way of knowing that, nor do I have the brainpower to process something so meta in this coffeeless disaster of a morning.

But there’s one thing I do know.

Even if Kicks is a pile of ash in my timeline, Dax is a lot better off there than he is here. He will be able to rebuild. His dreams might suffer a minor setback, but they won’t be crushed.

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