Page 90 of Your Fault

I hitbuy, entered the address, and typed out a little note for the card, grinning as I put away my phone.

“A dozen blue roses?” she asked.

“Two dozen. The same message twice, so it sinks in.”

“What’s the message, that you’re a smug asshole?”

I ignored her. “That I love her more than anyone else.”

After dinner, we went back to the hotel. Despite my misgivings, despite the fact she’d never let me live it down if I ever told her so aloud, Sophia wasn’t bad company. Lion had his shit, and Jenna was Noah’s best friend, and that meant I had no one on the outside I could talk freely with. Not that I was a big talker in general, but I liked chatting with Sophia and knowing people with normal lives existed. From what I heard, her parents were still together, her older brother was a successful architect, and her father was a respected politician in the Democratic Party, a guy who might wind up on the presidential ballot. Who knew where things would go?

It was nice avoiding all the drama from my regular life, and I could relax in her company, look at things from another perspective. Things weren’t so bad, really… With Noah living with me, everything would be easier. She would sleep better, and if she did what I asked, one of those psychologists she’d contacted would help her deal with her problems with her dead dad. Things would get better. I couldn’t wait to get home and show her all we could achieve, convince her we were a perfect team, capable of surviving anything.

37

Noah

My first day at school was better than I could have hoped. The feeling of being in college got into my veins. It wasn’t something I could ignore. Wherever I looked, there were young people laughing, taking furniture out of their cars to carry it upstairs, parents saying goodbyes, flyers about parties, parties, and more parties.

My class schedule wasn’t bad; I was studying things that interested me and not all the BS we had to learn in high school about Newton’s laws or the Declaration of Independence. I wanted books, literature; I wanted to write, read. I was finally surrounded by people who loved the same stuff as me, and the professors, some of them more intimidating than others, only fired our enthusiasm.

I had to admit, I even enjoyed being alone a little bit. I didn’t want to talk to anyone—anyone I knew, that is: not with my mother, not with Jenna, not even with Nicholas, though in each case, the reasons were different. Sometimes leaving everything behind and starting from zero made you see that there were lots of doors open to you.

I’d hardly seen Jenna since she had dropped me off at the dorm. We didn’t share any classes. She wanted to study medicine.I didn’t see her as a doctor at all, but apparently it had been her dream since she was a little girl. We’d texted each other, and she’d told me she was busy looking for a roommate; I guessed living alone wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. I didn’t think she’d have much trouble; for many, meeting new people was what college was all about.

When class was over, and I’d gotten to know my teachers and some people from the dorm had invited me out for dinner, I decided to go to Nick’s place to be sure N had enough food and to pick up the things I’d dropped off there. I’d been trying to put that task off because I knew it would make me sad, but I also wanted to get it done with before Nick was back. I knew we’d have a fight over it, and I wanted to be sure everything was set up in my place before I had to confront him. Plus, that would help me resist the temptation to say to hell with it all and move in with him.

It didn’t take long, but by the time I was done piling all my things by the door, it was late, and I didn’t feel like going back to the dorm. I knew I was cheating, that I’d resolved to be alone and that I shouldn’t keep trying to hold on to something I couldn’t have—at least for now—but I crawled into Nick’s bed, onto his side, and hugged his pillow, breathing in that scent no other person had, which made my body react instantly.

My phone buzzed as a message came through.

Guess you’ve decided to ignore my calls. We’ll talk when I get back. Sleep well, Freckles.

I sighed. Things were weird. It was my fault, for the most part. Stomach quaking, I almost called him to tell him why I hadn’t wanted to talk to him. But I hoped he’d think I was asleep and that was why I hadn’t responded. I put my cell phone under the pillow and closed my eyes, hoping to get some rest.

In the morning, the doorbell woke me. A little disoriented, I looked around, trying to figure out where I was. It rang again, and I jumped up, wrapping myself in a sheet, almost tripping on my way to the door.

When I opened it, I saw two huge bouquets of roses.

“Are you Noah Morgan?” asked the man whose face I couldn’t see behind the flowers.

“Uh, yes,” I managed to say.

“These are for you,” he said, stepping forward. I let him come in, unable to believe my eyes. He left the bouquets on the table in the living room and took a booklet of invoices out of his back pocket.

“Sign here please,” he said amiably.

I did so, and when he left, I stared at the roses on the verge of tears. There was a note, which only made it worse, and I needed all my strength to choke back the sobs.

We both know this sappy shit’s not my thing, Freckles, but I love you with all my heart and I know that when I get back, we’ll be starting something new, something special. Living with you is something I’ve wanted ever since we started going out, and a year later, I’ve finally got the thing I wished for. I hope your first day was wonderful, and I’m sorry I wasn’t there with you to watch you bewitch all your new professors. See you in a few days. I love you,

Nick

I picked up the phone and called him.

“Hey, babe,” he said in a cheerful tone.

I sat on the armrest of the sofa, unable to take my eyes off those beautiful flowers, sky blue, just like Nick’s eyes. I hadn’t even known there were roses that color.

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