Page 88 of Your Fault

Just then, I heard the front door open. Will had come home early from work, and my mother was probably about to tell him that I’d chosen living with Nick over studying. I took a deep breath. If they were going to come between the two of us, the least they could do was find me somewhere to live. Resolutely, I dried my tears and walked out of my room, ready to put my life in order.

I felt strange when I got up the next morning. The day before, I’d been happy, knowing I was going to live with my boyfriend; now my stomach was in knots as I thought about having to share my home with a stranger. After I’d talked to my mother and Will, he had made some phone calls and had finally found me a spot. My own studio was out of the question at that point, but they did get me into one of the better residences, with a private room and a shared kitchen. Will had seemed satisfied, so I’d assumed it was the best he could do.

I got up and turned on my phone. Nick had stopped calling at 1:00 a.m., a long time after I’d turned off my phone. It may have been childish, but I blamed him for not being there with me… I couldn’t help it; I was consumed by jealousy plus anxious about my mother and school.

I waited for Will to leave before coming out for breakfast. I didn’t want to see him or my mother. While I was finishing my coffee, I got a call from Nick. I decided it was finally time to answer.

“Hello?” I said nervously, chewing on a fingernail.

After a pause, he asked, “Do you think it’s reasonable to go the entire night without responding to me?”

Well, I knew it wasn’t going to be a pleasant conversation, but I wasn’t in the mood to have him pissed at me. Not that day.

“Neither of us is reasonable, so I don’t know how to answer your question.”

“I didn’t call you to argue, Noah, so you can count me out of that game. I just wanted to tell you I’ll be home in a week. The situation here is really different from what they told us at first.”

“Five days?” I asked, knowing how whiny my voice sounded.

“I know. I won’t even be there when you start school. I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t plan to have you move on your own, and I definitely didn’t think you’d be having to stay at the apartment without me, but there’s nothing I can do.”

I took a deep breath. I had to tell him. I had to confess that I wouldn’t be going to live with him. But I was afraid of how he’d react. He might call my mom and start screaming at her; he was capable of anything. I knew it was going to be a kick in the teeth for him, and for that reason, I decided to play along and wait to tell him in person. Our conversation ended with a bit of tension on both sides, and when we hung up, I felt deeply sad.

Two hours later, Jenna and her father came to get me. I was too angry at my mother to ask her to help me move, so when Jenna offered, I accepted with gratitude. I had only seen Mr. Tavish twice before—he spent most of his time traveling the globe—but I knew he adored Jenna, and that’s why he’d canceled all his meetings to take his little girl off to college. He didn’t seem upset about having to pick me up and take my things along with Jenna’s. We needed to squeeze in, but I managed to fit into his car and fasten my seat belt to take off for what was going to be my new dorm.

I had been to the campus before. Nick studied there, and he’d invited me to frat parties or just to come see him. I’d taken my books sometimes and studied for hours in the huge library, marveling at the millions of volumes lined up in order along its shelves. I knew it would be one of my favorite places in the world, but the rest of the university was amazing, too, with its redbrickbuildings and its huge green spaces. It wasn’t easy to get into—it was one of the most prestigious universities in America—and I was proud that I’d managed it on my merits alone, without having to ask Will to lend a hand. Once there, I couldn’t help but feel sad that my mother wasn’t sharing the experience with me. She should have been the one bringing me there, not Jenna’s father. I’d also have liked Nick to be there to give me a tour so I could feel that same excitement I saw in all the new students all around us. Jenna was hyper, but I saw sorrow in her eyes, too.

Where were our boyfriends?

36

Nick

I was sitting in the vestibule of the hotel. The signal was bad in my room, so I’d had to come down to reception, where a bunch of strangers were hanging out. It was late, and I took my phone out for the fourth time to see if Noah had sent me a good night message. I didn’t like how the previous day’s conversation had ended, and even if she had a day left until classes started, I’d wanted to wish her good luck. I knew she was probably trying to sleep—she might even be in the middle of one of her nightmares. I was happy to be the one person who could make them go away, but that also made me hate knowing she was sleeping alone.

I was relieved she’d agreed to go to a psychologist and had been reading about childhood trauma and how to overcome it on the Internet. She had a list of the best psychologists in the city and had already set up consultations with five of them. I wanted Noah to go back to being herself, without fear restraining her, able to be happy. And if I had to pay a fortune to make that happen, then so be it.

I thought about what she’d suffered at the hands of her father, and a chill ran up my spine while my hand closed into a fist. I hadto take several breaths to calm down. Just then, Sophia appeared with her Mac, wearing a pair of plastic black-framed glasses that cracked me up. They looked horrible on her.

“What’s up, Leister?”

“Aiken,” I said, looking back at my screen.

She sat down next to me on the big white sofa. After two days, I had to admit she wasn’t the person I’d assumed at first. She might look superficial and stiff, but she wasn’t in the least. She was even funny when she tried to be. Since she was surrounded by men—she was the only woman in a team of five working the case—she did everything she could to fade into the background. She didn’t want to be treated any differently.

“You’re not in the mood to go out for some fast food, are you?” she asked after typing a few things on her laptop and shutting it suddenly.

With a raised eyebrow, I asked, “Fast food? You?” I tucked away my phone. Still no news from Noah. “I assumed you didn’t know what that was.”

With a frown, she stuffed her Mac into her bag and got up. In place of her usual heels, she was wearing a simple pair of white sandals.

“I could kill for a Big Mac, with or without you. I just brought it up because I can’t stand hotel food, but it’s your call. You coming or no?”

I hesitated for a moment, but she was right: the food sucked.

“Okay, but FYI, I’m not great company today,” I said, getting up and walking toward the door. With Sophia next to me, I could see how short she actually was without her heels.

She laughed. “Today or any day, Leister. I don’t think I’ve seen you relax once since I met you. Maybe you should get checked out.”

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