Page 46 of Your Fault

I was going to have to change if I wanted things with Noah to actually work. We were about to take a major step, a decisive one for our relationship, to show that we were actually serious. That was one reason I wanted her to come live with me, because no one seemed to take us seriously. Sometimes I felt like the few people who knew the truth were placing bets behind our backs about how long it would take us to break up, trying to guess how much pressure we could take.

I grabbed my phone off the counter.

I had a message from Jenna.

Lion’s OK. We need to talk. You know perfectly well I don’t believe a damn thing you both told me. I know you’re with Noah, but I need to see you. Call me when you can.

I knew this would happen. I also knew it was easy to lie to Jenna. I could make up any old bullshit, and she’d buy it—or she used to, but that might not work this time. Lion was on shaky ground, and I couldn’t just leave him hanging. Jenna needed to know he was in trouble.

I sent her a message telling her we could meet up in an hour and got into the shower. I felt good remembering how Noah had worried about me, taken care of me, suffered when she saw I was wounded… No one had ever made me feel that way before. My father used to get pissed off when I showed up with marks from fighting, and he usually wouldn’t say a word to me till I’d healed. That was probably one of the reasons I got into that kind of trouble, to piss Dad off and keep him off my back.

I got out of the shower, dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, took a pain pill, and walked out the door. Noah’s old car was parked outside.

Her mother had made her go with them. I didn’t even want to imagine what they were saying about me… My stomach ached. I couldn’t stand them trying to get in her head like that. My biggest fear was that Noah would end up giving in to her mother, seeing me as someone she shouldn’t be with.

Another message from Jenna came through.

I’m almost there.

A few minutes later, I was parking at a Starbucks near the mall, fifteen minutes from my apartment.

When I saw Jenna through the window, sitting on one of the sofas inside, I knew I should be very careful how I said everything to her. When I went inside, I could see the vehemence in her eyes. I sat down in front of her, trying not to wince, but not a single gesture of mine was going to escape her that day.

“Y’all are a couple of fucking idiots, you know that, right?” she said, setting her green tea Frappuccino or whatever that green drink was down on the table.

“I don’t know why that surprises you all of a sudden,” I replied. I wasn’t happy with the situation at all. I didn’t want her to go on thinking I was the same Nick as a year ago. I had changed, or so I wanted to believe. Her boyfriend, though, was the same dickhead as always.

“You honestly want me to believe this all happened over a fucking poker game?” she said, leaving me mute for a few seconds. Poker? What the hell was she talking about? “Especially knowing how badly you both play… Nicholas! You have got to stay away from the gangs!”

So Lion had fed her a line of bullshit…great.

“Look, Jenna, I’ve had a very bad day, okay?” I didn’t want to lose my cool then, and I certainly didn’t want to take it out on her. “Lion’s a big boy. He knows what he’s doing. He’s worried about money, he’s worried about the garage, and he’s worried about you.” I looked at the ground as I spoke. “He’s going to realize sooner or later what’s right for him. In the meantime, you need to give him space. It’s not easy to just turn your back on that life. You know the races are just around the corner, too, and that’s got all of us feeling edgy… Lion will figure it out.”

“Races? I thought we were past that this year, Nicholas.”

Shit! I shouldn’t have said anything, dammit!

“We are, but what I mean is the guys are on edge, so like…it just happened that we got in a little fight yesterday, and it turned out worse than we’d thought. It’s nothing for you to worry about, though.”

She looked at me leery-eyed, but she seemed to accept my explanation. Then she looked around, as though realizing someone or something was out of place.

“Where’s Noah?”

“Not with me, as you can see,” I said with irritation.

Looking more serious than before, she asked, “What did you do?”

I laughed bitterly. “So you just take it for granted that I’m the one who’s done something?”

Jenna’s expression told me Noah’s mother wasn’t the only one who thought I was bad for her. And Jenna usually took my side.

“Did she see your face? If so, she must be a wreck. It seems like you’ll never understand, Nicholas…” She paused for a moment, as if the sight of me had some kind of effect on her, but not enough to keep her from gathering her strength to continue: “If you go on like this, she’ll wind up leaving you.”

“Shut up.”

She didn’t seem to like that response, but she went on. “Noah’s my best friend, and over the course of this year, she’s told me things you might not even know. Either way, violence is something she just can’t deal with. Your face, your wounds…you know perfectly well what kind of memories they call up for her.”

“Goddammit, this isn’t something I planned, okay?”

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