Page 31 of Your Fault

Memories from my childhood began to crowd my mind: mymother putting me down at bedtime, my mother defending me from my father, my mother waiting for me on Sunday with pancakes… But after those memories came others…others I didn’t want to relive.

“Please, Nick—”

“Nick!” Madison interrupted her. “Mommy wants to come with us. She told me so.”

I scowled at my mother, and the fury in my eyes must have been intimidating because she rushed to reply.

“Madison, it’ll be better if you two go alone. I need to get my hair cut, darling. We’ll see each other tonight.” She bent over and kissed the top of Maddie’s head. It was weird to see that gesture of affection. I guess a part of me thought she’d be cold with her or indifferent—anything but sweet. My mother could be sweet, of course, but she could be a bitch, too.

Maddie just looked up at us. I wanted to get out of there, now. It took all the self-control I could muster to remain cool when my mother stepped forward and kissed me on the cheek. What the fuck was that about? What was she thinking?

“Take care, Nicholas,” she said, then went back inside.

I didn’t devote even another second of attention to her, turning instead to my sister and smiling as best I could.

“What kind of torments do you have cooked up for me today?” I asked her, picking her up and sitting her on my shoulder. She started laughing, and I knew that whatever sorrow she’d felt before was now gone. With me, she was never going to be sad. I’d promised myself that years ago, the very first time I met her.

Lion was waiting for us at the door to the hotel. I could see in his face that he was as hungover as I was, and I couldn’t help but laugh when Maddie took off running to hug him, shouting in that hellish screech.

Lion picked her up by one leg and dangled her. I laughed as she shrieked like a banshee. Only a crazy person would feel safe leaving a little girl like my sister with two wildcats like Lion and me.

“Where to, missus?” my friend asked that little monster with her big blue eyes and golden blond hair.

Maddie looked all around, unable to decide. The possibilities were endless. We were in the fun capital of the world.

“Can we go see the sharks?” she asked, jumping up and down.

I rolled my eyes.

“Again?” We had gone to the aquarium a million times, but my sister, unlike most girls her age, loved to stand in front of the glass wall and provoke the killer sharks.

So we went there after lunch. My sister was happy and kept running back and forth. Lion watched her, and they acted like idiots in front of the sand tiger shark, which honestly was scary as hell. In the meantime, I took my phone out to see if Noah had been in touch, but there was nothing from her. I decided to use some stronger medicine.

“Hey, midget, come here!”

Maddie stared daggers at me. “I’m not a midget!” she protested.

Whatever you say, I thought.

“Come here, let’s send Noah a photo.”

Her eyes lit up when I mentioned Noah’s name. I imagined that was the same way my face must look whenever I talked to her or spent time with her.

I held my phone up for a selfie and pulled Maddie in tight.

“Stick your tongue out, Nick, like this!” she said, and her own little pink tongue poked out between her lips. I laughed, did the same, and snapped the photo, sending it with the message:

I miss you, Freckles, and this little monster with me does, too. I love you.

13

Noah

When I woke up that morning, the first thing I did was turn on my phone. The night before I had fallen asleep before I could respond to Nick’s last message.

He had sent another four since then. I smiled like an idiot when I saw the photo he had sent of him and Maddie sticking their tongues out and smiling. He was so handsome, with that black hair all mussed up…and that little girl who looked so much like him and at the same time so different… I knew that when he went to see Maddie, it was hard for him to stay in a good mood, and I worried about him during those hours of sorrow.

I missed him. I wanted so badly to hear his voice, to have him beside me.

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