Page 115 of Your Fault

I had needed to get away from that intensity, spend at least a few hours on my own, not letting someone else’s shadow fall over me and tell me what to think or how to feel. I’d needed to forget all that, turn off the phone, let myself go—stop feeling so much.

And I’d managed to do that, to catch my breath, to just be Noah, not someone else’s Noah, but my Noah. But as soon as I entered the apartment and went to my room, I found Nick’s note. I picked it up, nervous, and read:

I’ll give you more time. If that’s what you need, if that’s what you need to realize I love you and you alone, then I’ll do it. I don’t know what to do to make you believe me, make you see that I want to take care of you and protect you forever. I’m not going anywhere, Noah, my life and my future are with you, my happiness depends on you alone. Stop being afraid: I’ll always be your light in the darkness, my love.

My heart skipped a beat when I read those words, and I felt even guiltier for what I was doing to him. Nick was ready to give up a job that was second to none for me…

I grabbed a bottle of water, went to the living room, and flopped down on the sofa. This was a huge mess, no doubt about it. I was scared that if Nick stayed, he would hold it against me in the future that he’d passed on that opportunity. Sophia’s words kept echoing in my head:You need to support him now, Noah.Why was she getting involved? Why was she talking as if he mattered to her? Why had Nick told her about everything and not me?

I hated Sophia, I truly did. I knew I didn’t have any real reasonto, but my jealousy had taken over. I was jealous because she seemed perfect for him and then I looked at myself and saw the polar opposite.

I don’t know how long I stayed there sitting on the sofa before I fell asleep. When the light coming through the windows woke me, I realized I wasn’t alone. A pair of eyes stared at me as I sat up warily. Briar was there with a cup of coffee in her hands.

“Good morning,” she said, a strange smile on her face.

“I guess I nodded off,” I said.

“You’ve got mail,” she said, handing me a white envelope.

I read it quickly and realized I’d totally forgotten what it was about. It was an invitation to the sixtieth anniversary of Leister Enterprises.

“Shit!”

Briar grabbed the letter out of my hands and read it. “Is this the gala they’ve been talking about in the media for like a month?”

I didn’t know what she was talking about, but I nodded anyway. It was the stupid party where Nick and I were supposed to act like a stepbrother and a stepsister who loved and respected each other as family. This was the absolute worst time to go to an event like this, especially given that we were fighting.

“Goddammit, why does it have to be now!” I exclaimed, getting up to pour myself a coffee.

There was a strange gleam in Briar’s eye.

“It says here you can take a date. Unless I’m mistaken, you’re not talking to your boyfriend right now, are you?”

I mean, sort of…It was more complicated than that. Anyway, I’d forgotten about the plus-one. Nick had told me we’d go together, so I just assumed I was going to have to deal with the stupid party beside my boyfriend I was pissed at, a mother and stepfather I barely spoke to, and people I’d never seen in my life.

“I don’t really know where we’re at right now, but no, I’mnot going with him…” I rested my head in my hands and closed my eyes. The party was that weekend, and something told me my problems with Nick wouldn’t be solved by then.

“I could go with you if you want…” Briar said a few seconds later. I looked up at her. “I mean it, I don’t care, plus I could probably meet some influential people at an event like that… You know, in life, it’s all about contacts. We’d be doing each other a favor: I’ll stick with you so you don’t get bored, and you’ll give me the chance to hook up with some big-name agent.”

I thought it over. It didn’t sound like a bad idea. It was better to go with her than to show up alone, at any rate.

“You really don’t mind? It’s going to be boring as shit, and I’ll have to play the role of perfect daughter, shaking everyone’s hands and taking a bunch of dumb photos.”

She smiled, showing me her perfect white teeth, looking like an angel fallen from heaven… Briar threw me off completely. I had no idea what to make of her.

“I don’t mind at all. You’d be doing me a favor.”

After saying this, she turned on her heel and entered her bedroom.

I just had two more days before I would see Nick at the Leister gala. I had no idea how we’d act around each other. I was surprised to see he really was giving me distance, but I wondered if there was some reason behind it that I didn’t know.

Two more days, Noah. Two more days, and then you’ll see him, and everything will go back to the way it was before.

I kept repeating that to myself over and over and trying to distract myself by buying my dress and accessories for the gala. The dress code for women was a long gown and heels. I calledJenna, and we went to the mall, where we walked around, talked, and window-shopped.

“I was thinking about going, too, but Lion’s been calling me every day for a week. He won’t stop saying he needs to see me, he wants to take me to dinner, he wants to talk, to see how I am… What now, Noah? I miss him so much, it hurts, but I’m scared… I’m scared he’ll hurt me again. I’m scared of things going back to how they were.”

Listening to her, I couldn’t help but compare her situation with my own. Nick and I hadn’t broken up—I couldn’t even imagine that happening—but still, that time apart seemed to mark a before and after in our relationship.

---