Page 117 of Requiem for Love

“Like a furnace.”

Sydney scooted closer. “Can I tell you a secret? When I found out I was pregnant, I freaked out. What if, at the end of the day, I’m just not a good person? What if I raise my child to be like me?”

Ayesha squeezed her hand. “There’s nothing wrong with you, Sydney.”

“I’m selfish.”

“Human.”

“Self-centered.”

“Human.”

“Capricious.”

“Still human,” Ayesha said. “You also have Olympic gold medals and major world championships in female boxing, inspiring a generation of future boxers. You’re a loving friend, a loving aunt. Sydney, just because you’re not good all the time doesn’t mean you’re,” Joel’s words echoed in her head, “a bad person. No one wins when we compare ourselves to perfection. Plus, you want to be better for your children. How many people have we met who’ve been straight assholes that try to justify it by saying some shit like, ‘That’s just how I am.’”

“Or, my favorite, ‘I’m just honest,’” Sydney said. “That’s my mom. She’s just ‘honest,’ but she’s never positive. It’s never just ‘Your hair’s cute, honey.’ It’s more like, ‘Sweetheart, get some bangs cut. Your hair is cute like that,butyou should know better than to go without a side part. Something to cover that forehead you got from your grandfather. It diminishes your beauty.’”

Ayesha thought back to Gage and Tayler’s wedding. Sydney had shown up wearing bangs, but considering how that green dress had kissed Sydney’s svelte silhouette, she was certain virtually no one noticed those bangs after the first glimpse.

“Theo’s strong as hell,” Sydney added. “I’m sure this dickhead told him he’d hurt either him, you, Josiah, or all of you. Little as he is, Theo took it upon himself to protect his mama and older brother. Gosh, what a kid.”

Ayesha’s throat tightened.

“I hope my boys are like Josiah and Theo. They can fight with each other, argue, whatever. But the love Josiah has for Theo and Theo has for Josiah? I hope I can give my boys whatever they need to love each other like that. How do you do it?”

Ayesha uselessly tried to swallow her emotions; it felt like she’d been crying for weeks.

“Kids watch more than they listen. I love them the way I want them to love those who care about them.”

“You gave them the blueprint.” Sydney slowly shook her head. “You’re such a good mother, always worrying about them, wanting to make sure they’re happy. You never withhold your love, even if they’re in trouble. The way you care about who they become? About making sure they’re healthy both mind and body? Some parents say shit like, ‘You had a roof over your head and food to eat.’ Why be proud of that, only giving your kids the bare minimum when love is free?”

Ayesha, smiling, wiped the tears from her eyes.

Sydney reached forward to help. “You’re a good mama, Ayesha. I hope I’m half as good.”

“You will be.”

Ayesha glanced at the door.

“He’s trying to give you space,” Sydney said. “But knowing Joel, he’sprowlingright now.”

“Is that who was behind me?”

“Yeah. I called ahead to see if you guys were home, and he told me to stop you if I saw you on the road. He was on foot, so I think he followed you the whole time.”

Ayesha took another glance at the door.

Joel was right. She’d asked him not to shut her out and then turned around and did the same to him. It was what she’d done with the guys, and it was as if she hadn’t learned from her mistakes. It didn’t matter if the people who loved her were nearby or on a different landmass altogether—she was never alone.

Sydney patted her thigh, clumsily rose to her feet, and went to rummage through the near-empty pantry. Ayesha joined her, and they found an unopened, unexpired box of pancake mix and flipped a couple of stacks that they ate around the coffee table.

“Is Dmitri okay?” Ayesha asked. “When he was here, he looked like he might be coming down with something.”

Sydney cut a triangle piece of pancake but didn’t bring it to her mouth. “Um…so, we found out that Dmitri has stage two lung cancer.”

Ayesha’s fork hung mid-air.“What?”

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