Page 26 of The Naughty List

Silence. Fucking silence.

“Nick, I—”

“No,” I say, cutting her off as I shake my head. “I don’t want your bullshit excuses for how you could so easily throw it away without a fucking care in the world.”

“Is that really what you think? That I just got up one day and walked out the door without even considering what it meant for the people around me? Do you honestly think that little of me?”

“You know I don’t, Blair. I’ve always loved you more than life itself, but that’s exactly what you did. I barely got a conversation. You were here one day, and we were planning to build a fucking life together, and then the next day you were gone.”

Tears well in her eyes but she focuses her attention out the window, concealing her face as she discreetly wipes her tears onto my coat. “I know you, Nick, better than anyone,” she says, her voice breaking with the most intense heartache that kills something inside of me. “You never would have come to New York with me. You love it here in Blushing. This is your home, but I needed to see what was out there for me, even if it meant tearing myself in two. You never would have come with me.”

I gape at her, my heart thundering out of control. “Of course I fucking would have,” I throw at her, watching as her wide gaze whips back toward mine, staring at me in horror, as if only now just realizing how deeply she fucked up. “I would have followed you to the fucking ends of the world, but you didn’t even give me the fucking option. You walked away without a fucking care in the world, and you didn’t give a shit what you were leaving behind. You didn’t evenaskme, Blair. You didn’t give me or us a fucking chance.”

Her tears fall faster, and she presses her trembling lips together. I focus my attention back on the road, unable to handle the hurt in her eyes. “Was it even real to you?” I ask softly, fearing her response. “I thought we were starting a life together.”

“How could you even ask me that?” she asks, her voice wavering. “Every second of it was real for me. You have no idea how much I’ve hurt over these past six years, how much it aches just to think about you moving on.”

She pauses for just a second as if searching for the words she’s been wanting to say, the ones that have been buried deep inside of her for six long years. “Walking away from you was the biggest mistake of my life, and I regret it every fucking day,” she tells me, her voice barely a whisper between us. “I had goals that were so much bigger than Blushing, and I hate that I hurt you, but I was never going to be content until I’d achieved the things I needed to achieve. I’m sorry, Nick. I’m so fucking sorry. You have no idea what leaving you did to me, but do you honestly think I’d make a decision like that lightly? Why the hell do you think I haven’t been able to come home in six years? I haven’t been able to breathe without you, let alone come back here and face the hurt I put you through.”

“Blair—”

“Please just . . . don’t,” she says. “That’s not fair. Coming at me like that and saying that you would have followed me to New York. You don’t think I considered that? You don’t think I knew that you would have followed me anywhere I went? Of course I knew, but you would have been miserable. You would have hated it, and I would never have put you through that. What kind of selfish asshole would that have made me? I didn’t want you to sacrifice your happiness for my own.”

“But walking away from me . . . that’s exactly what you did.”

“I know,” she whispers, hanging her head, her hands balling into fists in her lap as if resisting the urge to reach out to me. “Either way it played out, we both would have lost.”

“You didn’t lose, Blair. You got your big shiny career in New York. You got exactly what you wanted.”

She scoffs. “If only that were true.”

10

BLAIR

MemoriesofthetimesI’ve spent with Nick in this truck take me by storm, and every single one of them destroys me. This really isn’t how I envisioned my day going. It’s one thing after another with Nick, but one thing is for sure, he’s still the most infuriating man I’ve ever met.

The swan dive behind the coffee house counter was an unfortunate incident, but it left us both in our feels and unable to have a real conversation. Hell, we’re both screaming at each other, saying everything we’ve been needing to say, and yet neither of us truly hears what the other is trying to convey.

Like I said—infuriating.

There’s something about Nick that brings out the inner demon inside of me, and yet, he can also bring out the best parts of me too, parts I’m sure are now dead and gone.

The cab falls into silence again, and as Nick flies down the highway, lost in his thoughts, we approach the local cemetery. My back stiffens as I look in, knowing that both Nana and Pop are in there, and yet out of all of the headstones, I have no idea which ones belong to them.

Undeniable grief and guilt catch me off guard, and my eyes fill with tears as a heaviness weighs down on me. A lump forms in my throat, and I struggle to breathe over it, barely able to catch my breath.

What kind of granddaughter doesn’t know where her grandparents’ resting place is?

Fuck. What does that make me? Am I really that so caught up in my own fear of facing this very man beside me that I failed to be the granddaughter they deserved? I couldn’t even find the courage to come home for Nana’s funeral. And when Pop died? Fuck . . .

Nana told me not to come, that I needed to focus on my work in New York and that she was alright, but at the end of the day, whether she had undeniable strength or not, I didn’t come home when she needed me most.

My heavy sobs rip through the silence, and I drop my face into my hands, unable to handle the overwhelming guilt tearing through me. “Fuck,” Nick says with alarm, his gaze shooting between me and the road as he hurries to pull over right by the damn cemetery. “Baby, are you okay? I didn’t mean to go at you like that. I’m sorry. I couldn’t—”

“It’s not you,” I choke out over the lump in my throat. “I deserved that and so much more.”

“Then what . . .” His words trail off as if only now realizing where we are, and as he gazes out to the cemetery, a heaviness floods through his mesmerizing blue eyes. “Shit. I didn’t think . . . I should have gone the long way around.”

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