Page 27 of Lavender Moon

“I’m sorry about your granddad,” I tell him in a low voice that reflects the heaviness in my heart.

He nods dismissively as he deflects, taking a sip of his pint as I twirl the straw in my own drink.

I’d only met Pops a handful of times at camp drop-off and pick-up over the years, but I’d always liked that he seemed like a badass grandfather. Even with his perpetually stoney face, the way he’d look over his shoulder a last time at Kaleb before he’d leave showed me how much he cared. I’m only sorry I didn’t get to know him better.

We’re about thirty minutes in and we’ve told each other so much, yet there’s so much left to learn, and I yearn to get back to that place he and I once were.

Sensing he’d rather not dwell on losing Pops, I inwardly grapple for a way to change the subject, and probably for the tenth time, I find myself taking in his shirt stretched deliciously across his chest. “You look really good, Kaleb,” I tell him, forcing my eyes away from his solid frame and up to his green eyes instead.

“So do you, Lu.” He nods sincerely at me, and our closeness gives me a subtle whiff of his scent. The clean musk and sandalwood smell makes me want to raise his shirt and lay across his chest all night in a confusing way that’s both comforting and sexual. “Listen,” he looks down at our legs for a second while resting an elbow on the bar and gripping both sets of fingers together. “About that last time we saw each other…”

Oh God.

I feel a nervous sing radiate up the center of my chest. I knew this would come up at some point as it always needed closure, but I was still dreading it.

“We were stupid teenagers, K.” I blink slowly, shaking my head as if to dissipate the heavy tone of the conversation. “We had a dumb fight.”

“A dumb fight we had because I was a dumbass that didn’t know how to vocalize his emotions,” he amends with regret casting a shadow in those green eyes. “You just wanted to know me deeper, and I pushed back in the shittiest way.”

I nod thoughtfully. “But like I said, we were young, and I was so inexperienced and just didn’t know what it meant to live in the moment, so when we…” I scrunch my face and peek up at him for the right words.

“Did what we did in the lake,” he fills in, trying to keep his smile warm, but I can see that twinkle of cockiness in his eyes and I have to contain my grin from splitting my face.

“I had it in my head that we needed to know what came next, or I needed to know, and I pushed,” I shrug with a headshake. “I felt insecure that you had so much of me, and I felt like I had so little of you. But looking back, I understand the reasoning you had, and I feel stupid for that younger version of me.” I laugh gently, looking down at the tiny bubbles fizzing to the surface of my root beer.

“Maybe, but Luna,” he pins me with a solemn stare, leaning towards me slightly. “I was the asshole that night, not you, not in least. You taught my stubborn ass a lot that night.” He looks at me fondly, and I feel good about this moment. I feel like a vice that I forgot was in the pit of my stomach just made itself known to me by releasing the hold it’s had on me for a long time.

I suck in a long breath and let it out before regarding him. As healthy as it has been to address this, I just want to be past it and have my Kaleb back, at least in some capacity.

“Can we just… be okay now?” I ask, letting go of my straw and clasping my hands together in my lap. I’ve felt overjoyed since laying eyes on him tonight, but it’s been just a little shaded by how we left things, making me unsure how to act around him.

“Hell yes,” he sighs out, a relieved look relaxing his face and making him look as grateful as I feel. “I’ve got less than three weeks, and I’m going to need my pen pal back,” he jokes with a wink as he reaches for his pint glass before polishing off what’s left.

He’d told me shortly after we sat down that he deploys really soon and that he came home to take care of his house and Pop’s motorcycle shop. While I felt a cold pang at the idea of him leaving just after we found each other again, it made me so thankful that we did at the same time. Our paths might have never crossed again if not now. It’s also got me wishing I could help him out with all that before he goes and soak him up a little longer. I don’t bring up any such idea, though. We’ve only been catching up a little while, and while I’d love to pick up where we left off, I don’t know if his head and heart are in the same place as mine. He could even have a girl that hasn’t come up yet, and I inwardly cringe at the sinking in my stomach that gives me.

“Of course,” I assure him, shaking off my trepidations. “You know if you have by chance wised up and gotten a phone, I can do even better than that.” I widen my eyes teasingly, and with an eyeroll, he shifts on his stool while reaching in his back pocket. His smile is one of faux annoyance as he holds up a cell phone in presentation. “Aww, I’m so proud of you,” I tease some more, and he shakes his head while laying it on the bar.

When he turns back to me, something seems to catch his eye and he reaches forward. My eyes follow his hand, and the rest of my senses all buzz to life as he reaches beside my neck. The brush of his fingers against my skin makes goosebumps break out down my back.

“What’s this?” His narrowed eyes examine the strand of my hair his fingers are now sliding down, and I try to hide the way it makes me shiver.

“Ah, you found my purple hair,” I beam at him.

“Yeah,” he lets out an amused chuckle and I turn in my seat, my back to him as I raise the sides of my hair up to show him the layer underneath I have dyed in a multitude of purple shades.

“That’s beautiful.” His voice is low and velvety behind me as I feel him leaf through more strands. “I see your favorite color hasn’t changed.”

“Never,” I give a playful growl over my shoulder.

“And still no ink,” he says as I drop the rest of my hair and turn to face him again. “Not that I can see anyway,” he adds and we exchange a flirty look.

Oh my God. I don’t know what’s with me right now, but I’m going with it. I may not have understood living in the moment before, but in the year since Carter, I sure as hell do now. And I intend to spend each moment tonight with Kaleb as natural as can be.

We stare at each other as a few moments beat by, and it’s not a bit uncomfortable. It’s like we’re still having an entire conversation with our eyes before that look of mischief narrows Kaleb’s eyes in the same old way.

“Truth or dare?” he asks.

Fuck.

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