Page 22 of Winter's Kiss

“You drive safe and be sure to call us when you arrive safely,” Theo commanded with a step back from me. “You know Anna will worry.” He winked with a slight chuckle. I nodded my head in understanding.

“I’ll be sure to call,” I replied, my eyes lowered to the rocky ground.

“We are grateful you came to stay with us.” I glanced back up at him with his words. “Don’t you be a stranger?” I smiled at him and kissed him lightly on the cheek when my gaze shifted to Rowland as he approached. This was it, I thought. My heart raced, my stomach tied in knots, and I felt as though at any moment I would pass out.

Theo returned to his wife, Rowland, with a smooth movement in front of me. I looked at the ground, his frame towering over mine.

I fought everything not to cry, to stay strong while in front of him. Did I need to make him feel worse than he possibly did? Did I need to make it harder for either of us?

I kept myself strong until I heard him shuffle his feet. His body closed the small gap between us, and I smelled the manly scent of his cologne. My eyes closed tighter; my head fell forward against his chest as my hands lifted to his hips. This was where our romance ended. I knew it. I hated it, but I needed to respect that his heart wasn’t in it. I lifted my head, my watery eyes set up on him, as he looked down into the mine.

I tried to smile, to let him know I understood. He gave a brief smile and nodded with his hand lifting his thumb to brush along my cheek. I nodded my head and wrapped my arms around him, my head buried in his chest. His arms enclosed me. I took in his scent, the sound of his heart, the heaviness of his breathing. I wanted it all imprinted in my memory.

“There is more.” I heard his voice, those three words that answered a question I had asked earlier. With a quick look up at him, hope entered my heart that he had changed his mind. Perhaps me in his arms. At that moment, he had seen the effect he had on me. Maybe he finally could admit what he felt?

With my lips curved to a smile, I nearly spoke with joy, but his eyes told a different story. He looked torn, confused, guilty, and sad. I understood. With a wider smile and nod, I placed my palm lightly against his cheek.

I lifted to the tips of my toes, and pressed my lips against his softly. He kissed me back with a gentle motion for only a moment when I tore from him as quickly as I could.

No looking back. No further words. I climbed behind the wheel of my car and turned the engine on. I had to leave now. If I didn’t, I knew I wouldn’t be able to. I could have stayed, not asked nor waited to be asked, but how fair would that have been for him or me? Rowland wasn’t ready to walk in life with another partner. I knew that by the pain behind his eyes that morning.

I glanced in my rear mirror as I turned from the house, my efforts to keep control broken the instant he faded from my sights. Why did I have to meet him? It was a crazy feeling to bless and hate a single moment in life and yet as I drove past the same spot; he picked me up, and I realized, that is exactly what I would do forever.

Thirteen

By the time I arrived at my sister’s, the welcome wasn’t what I had thought it to be. When I started toward her house, I envisioned a grand greeting, laughs, hugs, and, of course, needed time on the beach to relax and think. Instead, my mind wouldn’t move from Muddy Waters, from Theo and Anna. From Rowland.

It had been over a month since I left Muddy Waters. I hadn’t planned to stay from home so long, but the idea of returning to a life that Andrew and my parents planned seemed more like torture than anything else. The home I had thought I would live and grow old in no longer meant home. No place did. I felt more lost than I had before I started this adventure.

My sister had been amazing, giving me my space and time, along with a room.

Night after night I cried myself to sleep, lost in the memories I had of my time with Rowland. No pictures. No texts. No voicemails. Nothing but the images I had locked in my mind. Of his kiss. His touch. His smile. The way his beard felt against my skin. His eyes. His voice. Him.

I went through the motions. I got a part-time job at a local diner, nothing special and certainly not something my parents were pleased about, but I was living my life on my terms. My sister had been great, offering a shoulder to cry on and, of course, an ear to listen to me complain about Rowland one minute and then scream how much I missed him the next. She offered me advice, all of which I, of course, ignored.

I had kept my promise to Theo and messaged him the minute I arrived at my sister’s. Perhaps it was my continued limited contact that caused me to not move on far from him, but I wasn’t prepared to let him go fully yet. I knew he was living his life, working on the farm, and of course keeping up with the snow that seemed to cover yet again the small Kentucky town one week after I left.

“How’s it going?” My sister’s voice brought my attention toward her as she sat next to my lounge chair.

“It’s going,” I replied with a shrug, my attention returned to the pool ahead of us.

“Well, that sounded convincing.” She cleared her throat with her shift to lie back on the chair. I knew what she was doing, the same thing she always did.

She would wait and sit in silence until I spoke.

Until I offered something to her, of course, about Rowland. My sister never pried but was skilled at getting people to spill their guts. Two minutes, that’s all it took before I exhaled and shook my head. She did it again; I thought.

“I hate when you do this.” With a short laugh at my comment, I turned my head in her direction.

“Not sure what you’re talking about.” She said with a sarcastic tone.

“Laurel.” She turned toward me; her eyebrows arched briefly.

“Have you spoken with him yet?” I lowered my head to her question.

“I texted Anna last night, and she said…”

“No, cookie.” I looked back at her. “Have you spoken with him?” I knew what she meant when she asked the first time. She asked it nearly every single time we spoke. The answer was the same each time. No.

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