Page 57 of Nanny for the Doctor

Should I even be feeling this way about someone else?

It’s odd, and my anxiety peaks. I feel as though I’m navigating stormy seas on a rowboat without a map.

I want to think that Clara would be happy for me. That she’d want me to get out of this terrible rut and find love again, but I just don’t know.

Would she feel betrayed? Would she disapprove of me dating someone after her death?

Dating. Uh-huh, that’s what you’re doing.

I sigh to myself. I’m very aware that Mae and I aren’t dating in the traditional sense, but I also can’t deny that I’m having the time of my life with her.

I don’t want to be alone forever, and Henry adores her.

That burn behind my chest picks up as I think about Mae with my son. It’s an optimistic hope, making me feel like a kid wishing for his favorite toy on Christmas.

I want that life, that happiness. I want it so badly.

Images of Johnny’s shocked face float up to the surface of my mind. There’d be no way to avoid telling him if Mae and I were in a proper relationship.

That’s a scary enough thought to nearly have me leaving the bed.God, she can’t tell him. Not now.

Johnny wouldnottake it well, and I have absolutely zero intention of letting it slip that I’m banging his sister until we’ve had the “relationship talk,” if we even do.

Could we do that?

There’s still a pang of nagging guilt in the back of my mind when I imagine dating Mae or even marrying her someday. But I can’t be expected to stay alone forever, right?

Mae rolls over in the bed, and with my arm free, I get up and start pacing around the room. This mental back-and-forth with myself is annoying, and I should be sleeping.

Maybe Johnny wouldn’t lose his shit if we both told him.

I’m still thinking hard as I step onto the wraparound balcony from the bedroom’s patio door. The cool night air tickles across my skin, making me shiver.

I can’t stay out here for long, but for a few moments, the crisp breeze and stillness of the city calm my frantic mind.

“We could tell him together. It would be great to have my best friend and girlfriend already comfortable with each other.”

The wind shifts, chilling me more than I like, and I step back inside, returning to the bed and lying down with Mae.

“Maybe. Anything’s possible, right?”

She doesn’t answer, of course, being asleep and all. Still, as I finally drift off, I can’t help but wonder if a happy life with Mae and Henry could actually be possible.

Chapter19

Mae

I wake up that morning with Reed in the bed next to me, and I love the feeling. I’m pleasantly sore, and I feel like we’re right back where we started, hopefully with an even better outlook.

I love Henry so much, and I want him to have the best relationship possible with his dad. I want Reed to work toward making sure that happens.

My semiconscious musing is interrupted, however, when Reed’s hand slides up my leg beneath the covers.

“Good morning.” I look back over my shoulder with a smile.

“Good morning, indeed. Care to make it even better?”

I roll to face him, pushing him onto his back as I trail kisses down from his mouth to his collarbone. Gripping his erection, I move on top of him, hovering just above the head.

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