Page 44 of Nanny for the Doctor

I eye him hard, but the asshole just keeps pushing.

“No. You’re punishing Mae because she’s the first one to finally have the nerve to tell you that you’re avoiding anything and everything to do with Henry. You throw yourself into work so you don’t have to deal with the accident, and it’s leaving you completely disengaged with your son.”

Johnny shakes his head, meeting my glare this time with the pity I don’t want.

“Henry looks just like Clara. And you can barely look your kid in the eyes. I know it’s hard, but this—” he gestures inside the house “—isn’t how to deal with it. I should have said something, too. But I was too chickenshit before Mae was courageous enough to speak up and risk angering you. You won’t get this time back. He’s only going to be this young once.”

He walks up to me, putting a hand on my shoulder, and I clench my jaw.

“Henry deserves a father who’s around, showing him how much he loves him all the time. Losing your wife, Henry’s mom, was a terrible fucking accident, and there was no way to be prepared for that. But it did happen.”

My anger bleeds into the grief I’ve been holding on to for three years. Clara was the better person of the two of us, and I’m utterly lost without her.

I think back to the little kid asleep on the couch inside, and the pain that roars through my heart makes it hard to breathe.

“You have to fill two roles, be both parents now, and there’s nothing easy about that.” Johnny offers a sorrowful smile. “But you’re not alone. We’re all here to help. You just have to ask.”

“I’ve never been particularly good at that.”

“I’m well aware, dude. But this is it. The time is now. You need to do this. Take a step back from the go-go-go pace you’ve set for yourself and find your son again. He’s not gone. You didn’t lose him, yet. But you could.”

Crying in front of anyone isn’t one of my favorite pastimes and doing it in front of Johnny feels particularly shitty. I’ve always been the first to take on life’s big milestones in our friendship.

I was the first to pick a major in college, the first to start seriously dating someone, the first to propose and get married, the first to have a kid, and the first to suffer such a significant loss.

And I guess there really is a first time for everything, because I’m also now the first one to start tearing up on the goddamn porch.

All I can do is nod.

“You need to make this up to Mae. Firing her was a dick move that you did only because you were feeling defensive.”

“Are you telling me to hire your sister again or you won’t be my best friend?” I crack a tiny smile at him.

“Damn straight, asshat.”

“Dad!”

Henry’s voice cuts through the silence of the porch, and I sniffle, wiping my face.

“I need to go check on him.”

Johnny nods, stepping to the porch stairs. “I get it. You’ve got some stuff to think about. But I’ll be expecting the good news from Mae. You hear me?”

“I do. We’ll talk later.”

“Alright. Go be a dad. That’s the whole point, after all.”

He jogs to his car, and I head back inside the house.

Johnny’s not wrong. I have a lot to think about, and apparently, some lunch to make.

Chapter15

Mae

“Reed?”

“Mae!”

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