Her eyes turn to saucers as she clacks her way back to me.
“Sorry, what? You’re handing in your notice? Surely not! It was only a misunderstanding.”
“No. I’m not handing in my notice,” I tell her. “I’m quitting. Right now.”
She laughs like I’m having some crazy meltdown. “You can’t justquit, Ella. We’re struggling to cover shifts as it is! Why don’t you take a tea break? Take five, chill out a bit, and forget it happened. A few crates of shortbreads aren’t worth it.”
Except they are. They’re worth fucking everything right now.
Self-realisation is a portal that sucks me right up into itself, and there’s a big mirror propped up in front of me. It shows me the girl I became on Connor’s arm in vivid colours, run ragged as I tried to keep our world aligned. I’d been hiding it from everyone with smiles, corsets, and every shift at the store I could take. I’ve been fooling myself for years, just like I have with everyone else. I was nothing. Ibecamenothing.
“Ella,” Tracy says, interrupting my thoughts. “Calm down, will you? Sandra did probably get it wrong, ok?”
“No.Igot it wrong by believing in this shit,” I reply.
I’m out the back to the staffroom in seconds, grabbing my coat and bag as Tracy tries to catch up with me.
“ELLA!”
I take off my staff ID and toss it behind me at the doorway, focusing on the road that lies ahead, not the crappy job I’m leaving behind.
“ELLA!” I hear in the distance, but I don’t care. I’m not going back there.
I’m on the tube when I message Ebony, hoping she’s not with a client, because I need her. I need her right now.
Are you there?
A few seconds pass before she answers.
Yeah, I’m here. Jamie isn’t back from playgroup yet. You ok? Aren’t you at work today?
My fingers are shaking.
Not anymore, no. I just quit. I walked out of there without even handing in my notice. My manager was shouting my name, but I didn’t go back.
I’m expecting some kind of dramatic reaction. Some OMG statement, with a load of emojis, or questions ofwhat the hell?!But again, the universe is twisting on its axis. Ebony sends me a thumbs up and a smile.
Fuck, yes! You can concentrate on your real job now.
I rest my head back against the tube seat, trying to fathom the insanity of my new life. Myrealjob. Being Holly the whore. I can’t help but smile at the craziness of the prospect, because it’s so damn appealing. Much better than an overworked, underpaid store assistant, taking any shift she can get.
Want a call?Ebony asks.I’ve got a bit of time yet before I have to go on the pick-up run.
Yes, please. When I get home, I reply, and with that my hands are on a mission, determined to quash my inner nerves before they get the chance to show their exploited, scared faces.
I go to the app.Proposals.What have I got coming in?
I flick through some standard new ones, but don’t turn them down until I find a truly decent one. It landed in my inbox just an hour ago, and it makes me laugh out loud.
Fate is so ironic. What an apt time to get a proposal with a theme ofverbal disciplinary.
This one won’t be from a store boss, however. It’ll be from adaddy.
User 762. Male. 51.
I want full roleplay, adlib and convincing. You’ll be my daughter returning home after school, impudent after writing dirty stories in her notebook. You’ll get found out by Daddy, and you’ll get told off for it. You’ll admit it’s about a crush on a boy at school, and you’ll let Daddy take your mind off him, and keep you as his sweet little girl.
Daddy will punish you for being naughty. A decent spanking, over the knee.