Page 38 of The Wish List
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AJ picked at his snack. “Momma, why did Asher go?”
“He had plans tonight, baby. I told you that.”
“Is he coming tomorrow?”
I forced a smile to my face. “No, he has to go away for a while on business again.”
“When is he coming back?”
“I don’t know.”
“He’s too busy for us now? I liked it when he was here.”
“He is a businessman, and he has lots of demands on his time now that the holidays are over.”
“You should call him and tell him I miss him. He’ll come back,” he said with the confidence of a child.
“I’ll tell him that next time I talk to him.”
“Good.” He perked up and ate his cheese and crackers. Mine tasted like ash and I was hardly able to swallow any of it, but I forced myself to so that AJ didn’t question me.
We watched a Disney movie after we finished our late lunch. It kept him entertained, while I sat beside him, laughing when he did, pretending to eat the popcorn. All I could think of was Asher. The look on his face when he left. The genuine worry in his expression when he showed up. His over-the-top reaction and sending his personal physician to see me.
I wasn’t sure anyone had ever cared enough to go to such lengths over me.
I remembered Dr. Hayes’s whispered plea not to be too hard on him.
Had I been too hasty?
I sighed as I rubbed my eyes. It was too late now. Asher was gone, and my phone was silent. I had a feeling it would remain so.
Outside, the snow fell softly, and AJ looked out. “Momma, can we go for a walk? Maybe sled again?”
It would do both of us good to go out and get some fresh air before darkness fell. “Sure. I’ll just watch this time.”
“Okay!”
We went out in the cold, heading to the park. He went down the hill a few times with some friends he met up with. I stood with some other moms, laughing at the antics of our kids. One of the dads took turns going down with his daughter and AJ, so he was happy. It felt normal, although I had to admit it wasn’t as fun as when Asher was with us. I had no warm kisses to look forward to, and I couldn’t be bothered to get a coffee from the food truck. Asher had insisted on it the other day. And he had stolen sips from my cup when he would come to check on me while AJ took a turn down the hill on his own since he was feeling braver. I had no interest in drinking it alone.
Today, I tried not to notice how that happened to other families at the hill. Watching them pulled at something in my chest. Something that hurt.
But I kept a smile firmly in place. I was determined to make this a nice evening for AJ the way I had planned.
Back at home, I made hot chocolate, and AJ had a bath to warm up. He watched a cartoon while I showered fast and got into a pair of fuzzy pants and a warm sweatshirt. Together, we made homemade pizza, laughing at our oddly shaped pies and putting on our favorite toppings. I turned on the tree lights, and he chose a movie and helped me carry our plates and drinks to the sofa. We snuggled under the blankets and watched his chosen show while we ate the pizza and sipped ginger ale from the two champagne flutes I’d bought at a garage sale years before. I rarely let him have pop, but tonight was a treat, and he loved the fancy glasses.
He made it through to the end, and I brought out a plate of cookies left from the bounty Asher had brought on Christmas. AJ ate a cookie, snuggled into my side. He talked about going back to school, seeing his friends, only mentioning Asher once. I turned on a New Year’s Eve show, but he was bored with it, so I told him to pick another movie and we’d watch it after I tidied up the kitchen. But when I got back, he was sound asleep on the sofa, wrapped in a blanket, little cookie crumbs on his chin. I lifted and carried him to his room, placing him on the bed. It was only seven, and I knew he’d be up early the next day, but he was tired so I decided to let him sleep.
Back in the living room, I logged on and clocked a couple of hours, finding the time went by fast as the customer service line was steady. I stopped around ten and poured myself a glass of wine, putting the TV back on but not paying much attention to it, the background noise helping dispel the quiet of the apartment.
I wondered where Asher was now. Had he driven back to his sister’s? Was he at home? I swallowed down the lump in my throat as I wondered if he’d decided to go out with someone else for the night. If he would be kissing another woman at midnight.
I was shocked at the tears that welled in my eyes at the thought of it.
I wiped at my eyes and took a sip of wine, reaching for my book and opening it, determined to put all other thoughts out of my head.
A short while later, there was a soft knock on my door. I assumed it was a neighbor coming to wish me a Happy New Year or the super’s wife had come to check on us. She did that on occasion, which was kind.
