Page 44 of What We Had

“Deal.”

We scarfed down enough homemade pretzels to put the mall bakery out of business. I drained two glasses of wine while Bennett nursed his first one. This was something I had picked up over the last week since we spent more time together. He drank, but nowhere near what I could throw back or any regular person, for that matter. He never said anything, and I suspected it had something to do with the incident and his recovery. I wouldn’t bring it up, but I would be conscious of his drinking habits, never letting myself go too far into inebriation around him.

Red-cheeked from the wine and full bellied, my fingers danced along the record sleeves stacked in the corner. I came acrossRumoursand felt a jolt of nostalgic joy. I moved on though, until I found something with more of a beat, then dropped the record on the player.

I turned around and Bennett had been standing in the center of his living room pushing the ottoman against the couch. He lifted his red ball cap and tossed it aside and I immediately spoke up. “Oh, no way. You’re keeping that thing on.”

“What? Really?”

“Hell, yes. You could be totally naked in front of me and I’d still want you to wear it.”

He blushed so badly I saw his neck burn the color of black cherries.

I stepped up to him, fished his hat off the couch, fit it on his head backward and pressed down on the bill so that it forced his head to look up at me. I planted a slow kiss on his lips. Did it twice. Then I put my right hand on his left shoulder and grabbed a handful of his hoodie. My left hand grabbed the fabric at his right elbow.

“Hold on,” I whispered. Bennett reached forward and grabbed at my sides. I pulled our chests flat together, rotated my hip counterclockwise and sidestepped into him. My right foot went between his legs, then hooked my right leg around his left knee. From there, I yanked my right leg back, pushed my upper body forward, and together we fell.

Bennett’s back collided hard with the carpeted floor. The whole house shook as he let out anoof.I cushioned my own fall by drawing back after the initial shove, my left leg shooting out to regain balance. My hands stayed on his chest as I repositioned myself and traced his eyes.

Smiling.

Oh thank goodness.

“That didn’t hurt too much?” I asked.

He giggled. Giggled! “That was fun. I wasn’t expecting to go down so quickly.”

“Just like in the back of the T-Bird,” I said before I even knew to think better.

More giggling, this time from me.

I stood up and pulled him back to his feet. “All right. Now you try. Even a shortstop like you can drop me. Put your hands right here…”

We practiced judo right there in his living room for the next forty-five minutes. At one point, I had to drag the seat cushions off the couch to use as makeshift matting. Bennett hadn’t been triggered once. No hint of discomfort other than bruising from hitting the ground so hard. I couldfeelthe trust wafting off of him like heat. I let him call all the shots now when we were intimate, but the way he offered up control outside of that astounded me. I had assumed he’d want to be locked into everything he did.

Bennett had peeled off his hoodie after nearly sweating through it, his white t-shirt tight against his body. I had my hoodie fully unzipped, my naked torso bared for him to see. I enjoyed every quick peek he took. We finally finished after my last throw had Bennett pinned against the cushions lining the living room floor. I lay atop him, careful to keep a loose grip on his wrists. I wedged my left knee up into his crotch to lift his right thigh. His hat fell off at some point, loose blond locks cascading over his forehead.

His blue eyes glistened with the heat of a tropical swell. “This is going to sound weird,” he said, “but I can’t wait to tell my therapist about all of this.”

“That your boyfriend kicked your ass with his sweet judo moves? That he finally got justice after getting served multiple times in the gym?”

He barked out a weird chortle, given the way I had him pinned. “You are always so quick with a joke,” he said and shook his head. “You always knew how to make me laugh, didn’t you? Still do.”

I released his wrist so I could cup his cheek with my hand. “I dreamed about your laughter for twelve years. I’m doing everything in my power now to hear it every day.”

A shadow fell on his face. I recognized that. I had felt it plenty enough in the past.

The past.

No calls. No communication. Heartbreak by silence.

“What are you going to tell your therapist?” I said to get us back on track. My thumb moved featherlight over his lips as he spoke.

“I’m okay with the way you touch me. That I can let someone be physically close.”

“How close?” I asked.

Bennett’s tongue slipped out of his mouth to lap at the pad of my thumb. His head extended a fraction so he could draw the tip of the digit into his mouth. He sucked lightly, tongue tracing my finger. He drew it in deeper, past the knuckle, closed his eyes as if to savor the taste. I ran my thumb along the middle of his tongue, the two playing together in the heat, in the dark. Bennett’s cheeks hollowed.

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