Page 39 of What We Had

I popped the trunk and extracted a black backpack and three rolled blankets that I stuffed under my arm. Bennett had that basket with him still. Muffins? I used the flashlight on my phone to cut a path through knee-high bramble and saplings. A couple of thorny bushes later and we were out on the other side. A gentle slope rolled down to the riverside, forest surrounding all sides. Just beyond a bend in the river was a bridge, one that you couldn’t exactly see from this perfect spot. Our spot. Above, a canopy of indigo filled the space between argent stars. A sky of twinkling diamonds, the Crown Jewels overhead, just for us.

I unrolled the largest of the blankets on the dew-slick spring grass that had started to grow. I set down the backpack, unrolled the other two blankets, one for each of us. Yes, I hoped we’d share one, but I wanted to play it safe. Bennett settled down on one side while I sat beside the backpack and pulled out a pair of gloves for myself, followed by a thermos and two insulated mugs.

“What’s on tap this evening?” Bennett asked.

“Spiked hot chocolate. And what’s on the menu this evening?”

Bennett unfolded the linen. “Raspberry scones.”

My brow lifted. “Scones?Youmade scones?”

“It’s not hard.”

I shook my head and laughed. Filled two mugs of steaming hot chocolate.

“Cheers, Benny.”

“Cheers, Conny.”

I found a playlist for oldies on my phone and set it down at our feet. Unprompted, Bennett grabbed one of the remaining two blankets and fluffed it over both of our legs as he squeezed in next to me. Then pulled on the last one and doubled up our blanket. Heat flooded my system, from his body, the Bailey’s and vodka, the static cling that bonded our souls.

We sipped our hot chocolate while Sinatra crooned out something beautiful from my phone. The slope of the hill would do a number on our backs soon. Hopefully, if he allowed it, we could lay down and I could tuck him under my arm.

“I hope this is okay,” I said.

“Can’t think of a better way to spend my night.”

“Good.” I blew out my breath. I had rehearsed this a dozen times in the mirror until I committed it to memory as though someone had scripted it. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said. What your therapist told you? About going through the time before, you know, what happened to you. I wanted to recreate this memory for you. The T-Bird, the riverbank. I know it’s a lot colder than those summer nights and we’re notdoingthe same thing. But I want you to know how close I hold those memories in my heart. I hope you do, too. Which is why I wanted to recreate them. Not everything sours after something bad happens.” I grabbed his gloved hand and pressed it to my lips. “There are a lot of good things that can happen still.”

Bennett held his tongue for half a song. No rapid blinking, which I thanked the stars above for. Finally, he said, “Good thingswillhappen, Connor. I’m sure of it. I’m so impressed with how you’ve been the last couple of days. Blown me away, actually. I thought maybe we’d go for a walk or something tonight. I was not expecting the T-Bird to be in my driveway and to be sitting in our old spot.” He turned to look at me. “I never realized you were such a romantic.”

I bristled. “Hold up, now. I’ll lose my tough-guy image if you go around telling people that.”

“Says the guy who openly confesses toeveryonewho your boyfriend is.”

I scoffed, knocked my shoulder into his, and took a sip from my mug. “I keep thinking of these things like a date. How should I take Benny on a date tonight? Or, where would Benny like to go on our next date?” I smiled at myself, the indecision that constantly crossed my path before settling into a firm, immutable choice like firing up the Thunderbird. “I don’t want to assume you haven’t been on dates since everything. But if you hadn’t, I wanted to make each one special.”

“I haven’t,” Bennett said, though his voice lacked confidence. “But like I said before, the dating scene in the greater metro Boston area is all hookup culture. Everyone expected something at the end.” He let out a pained sigh. “I even went to a club once in Back Bay. Man, that was a mistake.”

“What happened?”

“I got totally hammered. Went back to some random guy’s hotel room.” My hand tightened around the mug. I dry swallowed but bit my tongue to let Bennett finish. “I thought if I got drunk enough I could numb a lot of things. Told myself to just get through one experience to push out the last one and the rest would be easy.” He took a sip from his mug. Smacked his lips. “It went about as well as you’d expect. I left. Couldn’t drive, obviously. Ended up calling my father at one in the morning.Thatwas a fun conversation.”

“Jesus, Bennett.”

“Tried again a year later, if you can believe.Thistime, I told myself if I topped, I’d have an easier time.”

I nearly choked on my hot chocolate. Well, there’s one question answered, not that I needed it. Bennett had been giving off the catcher vibes as much as I exuded the pitcher mindset. When the time came, I planned to offer up the old switcheroo, just in case. I wasn’t the most comfortable being on the receiving end, but for Bennett, I would. Regardless, I was glad to know positions hadn’t changed since that summer.

I promptly ignored the tiny voice at the back of my skull informing me I’d be the first after his incident.

“I swear I just saw every single thought that crossed your mind,” Bennett said. He had been staring at me.

Yup, he definitely read the relief, concern, then back to relief again. I smiled to hide my nerves. “Sorry, was it that bad?”

He leaned into my shoulder. “We’ll pick up where we, um,left off, let’s say. Don’t worry.”

I drained the rest of my mug. Dusted off my knees. Clapped my hands together and made to get up. “Oh, sorry, did you not mean right now? Because I need to go buy some condoms if—”

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