Page 59 of For You, Sir

I felt weirdly underdressed in a pair of slacks, suede loafers, and a collared shirt with a repeating geometric pattern. I hoped it looked casual and effortless, though I’d spent an embarrassing amount of time just deciding how many buttons to leave undone at the top. (One, of course. Always leave them wanting more.)

Einar twirled a keyring around his finger. “Wanna take my car or yours?”

“Mine. I’ll drive,” I said, my mouth dry. I wanted to control what few variables I could.

“Cool.” Einar put on a pair of sunglasses and locked his front door.

He seemed strangely upbeat as we headed toward my black sedan. I opened the car door for him, and he winked at me as he slid into the passenger seat. “Damn, I’ve got a handsome chauffeur.”

I shook my head like he’d said something ridiculous and walked around to the driver’s side.

While I backed down the driveway, I kept worrying whether Ho-Sung would be drunk, stoned, or both when we arrived. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d met with my brother and he wasn’t in some state of intoxication. I had expected Ho-Sung would suggest a bar as a meet-up place, but strangely, he had suggested the coffee shop and 10:00am start time. Maybe he wanted to meet Einar while was he was still clear-headed. Good. One less variable to screw things up.

We hit the boulevard, and Einar tapped out a rhythm on his knee as he stared out the window. I thought it was a nervous tic, but then he started humming to himself. He was slightly off-key, and when that made me like his hummingmore,I realized just how hard I was falling for him.

He seemed far more relaxed than he’d been yesterday, but maybe he was just putting up a brave front. “Are you feeling okay?”

“Yeah, man,” Einar said. “Are you?”

“Of course.” It came out sounding more defensive than I’d meant it to.

“You sure? ‘Cause you’re gripping the steering wheel like you’re trying to choke somebody to death.”

Embarrassed, I relaxed my hands and blood surged back into my tight, white fingers. I cleared my throat.

“You worried I’m going to freak out again?” he asked.

“No.”Well, maybe a little…

“I’m taking a different approach this time,” he said. “I figure:‘A pessimist is never disappointed.’ So, I’m expecting a dozen paparazzi to be there. Or my stalker. If nothing like that happens, I’ll consider it a win.” He laughed.

I chuckled nervously.Whatever works.

“Plus, I’m already on top of the world ‘cause I got some good news recently.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.” Einar stopped drumming, and put his hand on my knee. “There’s this super-fine guy I’ve been into for a while. Just got confirmation yesterday he likes me, too.”

A giddy thrill ran through me, and I tightened my lips to keep from grinning like an idiot. Yesterday hadn’t just been a beautiful dream—Einar Eriksenwanted to be my boyfriend. Sexy, a visionary artist,andhe wanted to meet my crazy brother.

So what if Ho-Sung acted boorish, or was high as a kite? Einar was gracious enough to overlook suchfaux pas. He already knew about my alcoholic family, sad childhood, and history of depression. And even knowing all that, hestillwanted to be with me. Warm confidence spread through my chest, and I sat up a little straighter.

I told myself the matter was settled. Everything was fine, and only getting better. So, why was an unsettled feeling still squirming in my guts?

(Because Einar doesn’t knowallyour dirty secrets, does he?)

The thought struck me from nowhere, and the smile fell from my lips.

Oh.

I wasn’t afraid Ho-Sung might be drunk. I was afraid he wouldtell the truth.

Ho-Sung had every right to scream at me for being a shitty brother, for neglecting Mom. And when Einar realized what a rotten person I was, his adoration could turn to disgust.But Ho-Sung wouldn’t say anything like that, would he? He wanted to meet Eriksen because he was a fan; he wouldn’t use this rare opportunity for airing dirty laundry….

“Uhm, Jun?”

All the same, maybe it would be smarter to get ahead of it. Spill my guts now, so at least Einar could hear the truth from my own lips. I glanced at him in the passenger seat, feeling queasy.

---