Page 57 of For You, Sir

Einar flashed me a wicked smile. “Like, in bed?” He squeezed my butt cheek.

“Y-Yes, but not just that. Ilikebringing your coffee, and, uhm, polishing your shoes. It’s how I show love.” Nervously, I chewed the inside of my cheek. “I don’t want to lose that.”

If we were no longer butler and client, would he still issue stern commands and savor my obedience? Or was that something he only wanted from his butler, not his boyfriend?

“Sounds good,” Einar purred, stroking my back. “Let’s keep it up.”

“And you wouldn’t, uhm, think less of me?” I still couldn’t fully shake my parents’ disgust at my“servile”career choice.

“Hell, no!” Einar’s face dropped into a serious expression. “You’re always my equal, Jun. Even when you place yourself under me, that doesn’t mean I’maboveyou.”

I smiled a little, glad he understood. “Good,” I said. “Then, let’s enjoy how things are for now.” It probably wasn’t prudent. It certainly couldn’t last. But I wouldn’t give up this time with Einar for anything.

“Well, in that case!” He bundled me into his arms, laying a half dozen quick kisses on my neck. It tickled, and I laughed despite myself. He leaned back in the corner of the sofa and pulled me against his chest, spooning me from behind.

Einar flipped on the TV and a documentary about lions came on. A pride of females and a lone male lounged in the midday sun with Buddha-like calm. With the volume turned low, I could barely make out David Attenborough explaining the social dynamics of the pride.

“Is your family religious?” Einar casually asked, as we half-watched together. “Is that why you’re still in the closet?”

I shook my head, the back of my hair rustling against Einar’s shirt. “No. I just know Mom would hate it.”

As a child, I’d once naively asked her if it was okay for boys to hold hands with other boys. I’d meant it in the platonic sense—girls got to hold hands with girls on the playground, and it looked really nice. The hurricane-force of my mother’s outrage left no question that such topics were unspeakable.

Einar idly stroked my chest as I leaned against him. “What about your brother?” he asked. “Would he be cool if he knew we were dating?”

I huffed a laugh through my nose. “He’s a big fan of yours, actually. I think he had a poster of one of your movies on his wall.”

“Seriously?” Einar chuckled.

“Ho-Sung’s pretty open-minded. He’d probably be cool with it. But I can’t trust him to keep his mouth shut any time he’s been drinking. Which is a lot.”

On screen, a lioness launched herself at a gazelle and clamped her jaws around its throat. The gazelle seemed strangely resigned to its fate, barely struggling, its dark eyes serene.

“Well, I’ll follow your lead, whatever you want to do.” Einar kissed the back of my head.

“Thanks.” I moved a hand to his forearm, sweeping the golden fuzz of his arm hair with my fingertips.

We watched the documentary in silence for a while. The male lion, stuffed with meat, licked blood from his muzzle and drowsed. Attenborough explained that lions could sleep upwards of twenty hours per day.

“I’ve been thinking about it more lately,” I said in a quiet voice.

“Coming out to your family?” Einar asked.

“No, like… how being rejected by family was the worst thing I could imagine.” Even now, thinking about it made my stomach ache.

Einar gave me a reassuring squeeze. “We can keep things on the downlow.”

I shook my head. “No, I mean… I’m starting to realize how many good things I’ve been missing out on, just trying to keep everyone happy.” I caught his hand in mine. “Too many.”

“Mm,” Einar agreed. “Probably.”

“I’ve counted up the cost,” I said, heart pounding, “and I’ve got a lot of living to do.”

Einar startled behind me. “Wait, was that a line fromSanta Monica Sunburn?”

I blushed. “Yes.”

Sunburnwas one of Einar’s first movies, in which the lead character, Cassandra, was trapped in an abusive marriage. Cass met a tomboyish waitress who swept her off her feet, and they decided to run away together. Cass delivered the“counted up the cost”line during the climactic scene where she finally left her husband for good, concluding that an uncertain future with her true love is better than a safe one without her.

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