Page 35 of Break My Fall

“It’s hard for all of us to think about that night, Maddie,” Hunter sighed.

“Tell me, please. I need to know. I need you to tell me why…” I had to pause and take a deep breath, pushing down my emotions and fighting not to cry. “…why you left me.”

Kai rubbed his hand over his face as Hunter pushed his through his wild hair. They both looked anxious and reluctant. I might have taken pity on them were I not about to get answers I had been waiting thirteen years for.

“After we walked you home that night, Kai and I went to this club in town. A guy at school told us we could get some work there filling the bar and changing barrels, that kind of shit. His brother was the manager there and he was willing to pay us cash under the table. Remember we were trying to earn enough to get a place?” Hunter looked to me and I nodded.

“Cam and Ev went back home because the guy only needed two of us and they had a project to finish,” Kai added.

“We worked at the club until just before midnight. The guys paid us and asked us to come back at the weekend. We were excited as we walked home, because he’d paid us pretty well and we knew if we could do it a few nights a week we’d have a deposit for a place in good time for the twins turning eighteen,” Hunter continued. They both looked physically pained as they glanced at each other before they went on. “As soon as we turned onto our street we saw Ev. He was banging on the door of the house in nothing but his jeans. His shirt and shoes were gone. We ran to him, worried because he was hammering on the door and screaming to be let in, and when we got close we saw he had a huge cut on the side of his head, which was pouring with blood. His face was starting to swell too and he had signs on his body someone had laid into him.”

“Oh God,” I gasped as tears filled my eyes. I had known when we were younger that the guy’s foster dad hit them. I had seen the evidence on their faces, but they never talked about it, just like I never talked about what I suffered in my own foster home. We had all been dealt a shitty hand and we knew it, but we tried not to dwell on it when we were together.

“We tried to get him to tell us what was going on, but he was freaking out and just begged us to get to Cam, who was still in the house. We didn’t know what was going on, but we knew it was bad,” Kai told me.

“Kai and I managed to kick the front door through. Ev was first in, and he ran straight to their room, so we followed. We could hear Cam crying out as we got closer, but we weren’t prepared for what we walked in on.” Hunter’s voice trembled as he spoke, and he had to pause to try and take some breaths.

My stomach churned violently because somewhere inside I knew what they were going to tell me next. I could see it in their eyes, in their reluctance to relive this moment. I wasn’t sure I wanted them to continue, and yet I needed them to, because I had to know.

“Paul, our foster dad, had Cam pinned to the bed, holding him down while some other sick fuck he had invited around that night…h-hurt him,” Kai explained, the words pouring out of him in a rush, like he just had to get it over with.

“Raped him, Kai. Say it. Those sick motherfuckers were taking fucking turns raping him,” Hunter spat, and as tears slid down my cheeks, I met his eyes and saw they too were filled with tears, his fists clenched in his lap.

“We found out later that Paul had been using Ev and Cam ever since Hunter turned eighteen, blackmailing them into it with the threat of throwing Hunter out on his ass, and me too when I turned eighteen the next week. They were terrified they’d lose us, so they let him hurt them,” Kai explained, and a sob burst from me. I knew exactly how they’d felt, because I had been enduring similar pain just so I wouldn’t be taken away from the four of them. “When he turned up that night with his buddy, the twins refused and tried to fight them both off. Those bastards managed to get Ev out of the house and turned on Cam, since they could both subdue just him.”

“Wh-what did you do?” I asked tearfully, my voice trembling.

“Saw fucking red,” Hunter growled low. “I ripped the guy away from Cam and Kai tackled Paul. Ev managed to get Cam out of the way and then we laid into those two bastards. They tried to fight back, but Kai and I were bigger and more trained than the twins back then. We beat the shit out of them.”

“Good.”

“Marcie, our foster mom, came stumbling into the house, trashed as usual. By then her husband and the other fucker were out cold and covered in blood, as we were too, but it was all their fucking blood.” Hunter’s jaw was so tight I worried he’d shatter his teeth. He was so angry. I looked to Kai and saw the same expression on his face. I could only imagine how filled with rage they’d been on the night it happened.

“Marcie started screaming and howling, saying she was calling the cops. Cam and Ev were a mess, holding each other and barely functioning. Kai and I already had a juvenile record for a fight we got into not long after we arrived there and we knew if the cops came they weren’t going to believe us. We’d probably have done jail time, but even if we got off, Cam and Ev would have been taken from us and sent God knows where. We had to keep them with us. We had to stay together,” Hunter explained, his tone pleading with me to understand.

“So you ran?” It wasn’t really a question.

“We ran. We wanted to take you with us, but you have to understand, Maddie, we had nothing. The cash we had on us was barely enough to get us out of town. We knew we’d have no place to live. We didn’t even know where we were headed. We thought you were better off where you were, and we planned to call you when we were safe.” Kai looked to me imploringly as he spoke.

“We managed to get on a bus to some bullshit, hick little town and we got a motel room there for a couple of nights. Everett and Cam were a mess, covered in bruises and cuts. We let them have a few days to heal, but by then we were almost out of cash. We saw the army recruitment office in town and figured it was better than living on the streets. We had to lie about Cam and Ev’s age since they weren’t quite eighteen, but it worked. Next thing we knew we’d all made it through basic training and were headed off on our first tour.”

“We thought about you and talked about you all of the time. You got us through some really shitty times, sunshine,” Kai told me as a sad smile crossed his face.

“You talked about me, and missed me, but you couldn’t call me? Couldn’t send me a letter?” I sobbed. “They didn’t even call the cops. They left! Your foster parents split. The house was empty by the time I went there after school the next day!”

“They were probably scared we reported them, so they ran, but we had no way of knowing that. We thought they’d report us,” Kai said.

“You would have if you called me!” I pointed out, angrily. “I was devastated you left me without a word, but more than anything I was terrified for all of you, terrified something had happened. I just w-wanted to know you were okay. That you were alive!” My voice was wavering in and out as I struggled to push the words through the emotion clogging my throat.

“We were idiots, Maddie,” Hunter sighed. “We thought we were doing what was best for you. We should have at least got in touch when we were settled, but our life in the army was crazy and we didn’t want to bring you into it, only to leave you when we got spun up again. We thought you were better off without us.”

“Well thanks so much for that!” I snapped, annoyed by their bullshit.

“Maddie, we’re so sorry,” Kai pleaded. I looked up and met his eyes, filled with so much regret and pain. I tried to calm myself down, taking in a deep breath.

“I get it,” I sighed, more calmly, but still full of emotion. “I understand why you left. You had to, but I…I wasn’t better off. You should have at least given me the option to be with you. I would have been safer with all of you on the streets than I was with Clive.”

“You told us you were good there. You promised us those foster parents weren’t hurting you,” Hunter reminded me.

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