Page 65 of Christmas at Hart's Ridge

“Trust me, he’ll give you a reason,” Ethan said drily.

I smirked. “You know, it’s possible that my experience with him is a little different from yours.”

“No relationship is perfect, Bethany. What’s going to happen when you need someone to talk to about that?”

“It’s not like we tell each othereverything. We don’t have to talk about Luke. I mean, I had a crush on him for ages, and I never said anything about that at all. That didn’t hinder our relationship any. Actually, it probably helped.” He made a disgusted face and I shrugged. “I’m just saying, I can find someone else to talk to. It doesn’t have to be you.”

“That’s the thing.” Ethan frowned at his cup of coffee like it had offended him, even though I knew it was perfectly brewed. Hot and Wired didn’t mess around when it came to coffee. “I don’t have anyone else to talk to.”

I stilled as his words hit me square in the chest. Ethan had never said much about other friends, but I figured that was how he wanted it. Not everyone wanted a big group of friends. He was one of the most wonderful people I had ever known. It was a privilege to be his friend. Other people would feel the same way, if he let them in, but if he didn’t, well, that was his choice. But maybe it wasn’t that simple, I realized now.

I had always known he was a loner. But it had never occurred to me that he was lonely.

And now that I knew, I ached for him.

“Ethan,” I said softly. I reached out to touch his hand.

“Don’t,” he said roughly. But he squeezed my hand before letting go. “Don’t feel sorry for me. I hate that. I’m fine. I’m not depressed. I’m just…frustrated. Stuck.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

He blew out a sigh so deep it sounded like he had been holding his breath all his life. Maybe he had. The idea that he might have nearly killed me.

“This place…it’s claustrophobic. Everyone knows me as Luke’s younger brother or that grumpy guy with a five-year-old phone. I can’t be anything else. Hart’s Ridge isn’t like New York City. There are more seventy-year-olds here than twenty-somethings, and none of those twenty-somethings are gay. That matters. I want friends, but I don’t want people who have known me my entire life and already decided who I am. I want to decide who I am for myself. And you know what? I don’t know who that is yet. Not entirely.”

I could understand that. Hadn’t I been feeling the same way since I hurt my ankle and couldn’t dance?

“I get it,” I said. “It’s hard to become a butterfly when you’re someone’s beloved caterpillar.”

He blinked. “You think I’m a caterpillar?”

“Ethan.” I jumped from my chair, knocking my coat to the ground, and crouched in front of him. I grabbed his face with both hands, pressing my forehead to his. “You have always been a beautiful butterfly to me, and you know it.”

He made a choked laugh. “And you will always be my princess. Now let go of my face, woman.”

“I will, as soon as you tell me we’re still friends, no matter who I date.”

“Of course we’re friends. I just…I need to find some new ones, too. That’s all. I love you, but it can’t only be you. No one should be anyone’s everything. It’s not healthy.”

“I know.” I released him with a sigh and stood up. “I know.”

He swiped my coat off the floor, then picked up the envelope that dropped from the pocket and handed it to me.

“Oh! Your money.” I handed the envelope back to him. “Seven hundred dollars, cash. Thank you so much. My mom’s car looks great, and it means the world to me that you helped me out like that.”

Ethan took the envelope, turning it over in his hands. “You know, I never actually intended you to pay me back. I’ve seen your apartment in Manhattan. I knew you could use the cash.”

“I’m staying,” I blurted out. I hadn’t even told Luke my decision yet. But it felt right that Ethan would be the first to know. “I’m staying in Hart’s Ridge. I’m not going back to New York.”

He stared at me. “Seriously? I mean, I guess I can’t say I didn’t see this coming. But…seriously?”

I nodded.

He shook his head, laughing. “Well, I have to say, your timing sucks, Princess. Because I’m leaving.”

“You’re leaving Hart’s Ridge? To go where? When?”

“Don’t worry, I’m not going far. Asheville. We’ll be able to visit each other as often as we want. As for when, that depends on how fast I can find an apartment and a job.” He shoved the envelope of cash into his pocket. “This will come in handy, because wherever I end up, I’ll probably need first and last month’s rent up front.”

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