Page 44 of A Holiday Arrangement

“So—” Jett paused, his eyes firmly on my chest. His fingers traced lightly over my skin, but he wouldn’t look up. “Are you, um, still feeling okay this morning? No doubts?”

I threaded my fingers through his thick hair and forced him to tilt his head up so he was looking me directly in the eyes. One day, he would look at me without being scared this was the last time.

“No doubts, Jett. Yes, I’m still terrified and a little confused. I have a lot to sort through, but none of that is my feelings for you or this.” I kissed his lips. It wasn’t long, but itwaspossessive. I tightened my grip in his hair, making sure he felt me and understood he was owned and mine. “You’re mine, Jett. Nothing will change that.”

The tension visibly left my mate, and now all I could smell on him was arousal and slick. I had gotten a brief warning from Orion when I slipped out to get us some waters last night that me accepting the bond might trigger his heat early, like it had for Lyric. So far, it hadn’t seemed like it had, but I needed to be aware.

My expression was hungry as I bent my head and captured his mouth once more. Fuck, I needed this man again. Somewhere in my consciousness, I was aware that it was Christmas Day and we couldn’t spend the whole time locked in his room, but it was hard to remember that as my omega rubbed his uncovered crotch against my leg.

“Alpha,” he whined, sounding needy. “Please, I need you.”

I growled and pinched his nipple in between two of my fingers, causing him to moan. Oh yes, my mate definitely liked pain.

“Not yet, my sweet little omega. We need to talk first.”

Jett groaned in protest, but he also stopped humping against my leg. I flicked his nipple as a reward.

“Thank you, love. Last night was amazing, but you deserve more than a very public”—and likely crisis inducing—“declaration and my knot. I want to clear the air between us. Start with a clean slate.”

Jett sat up, his expression serious. “No, you’re right. I like that idea—starting with a clean slate.” He looked down at our naked bodies, slick with sweat and dried cum. “Can we shower first though? I feel like we should have clothes on for this conversation, and I don’t want to get dressed before we get cleaned up.”

My pupils dilated at the idea of being in the shower with my mate, but I had to keep it together. I couldn’t back out of my own suggestion after all.

I still couldn’t bear to not touch him though. Everything felt so raw, and emotions were right at the surface. At the core of it, we were very much instinct-driven beings, and mine were screaming to hold onto Jett and never let go. I stood and picked him off the bed, ignoring his laughing protests.

I managed to behave myself during the shower, though my omega made it very difficult. I slapped his wet ass as he oh so seductively arched it in front of my face as I knelt behind him, cleaning out his sensitive hole. “None of that, sweetheart. Talk first.”

Jett pouted but stood still after that. He was raw, which made sense after the multiple rounds we ended up going last night. Jett had fallen asleep still knotted to me, and I dozed off soon after.

However, once my knot deflated, he was up and ready to go again and I couldn’t deny him. Nor could I the next time he begged, or the time after that. And then the final time, I woke up to see him soundly sleeping beside me and it felt like I had to fill him or I’d die. Yes, it was dramatic, but it was how it felt in that moment.

Luckily, there seemed to be no tearing. The relief was immense. The marks from our night were all over Jett’s body, but he was okay. They’d all heal by the end of the day, and they were all wanted marks. I did it. I stayed in control even when I felt lost in myself.

We washed each other thoroughly, but quickly. I thought we were both anxious to clear the air and move forward. Plus, I kept reminding myself it was Christmas, and it wouldn’t be long before Orion lost the battle with himself to stay away and came to check on his brother.

Once we were cleaned up, I shut the water off and helped Jett out of the shower. We dried off efficiently, and that was when I realized I didn’t have any clothes besides my crumpled up suit that I did not want to put back on. Jett’s eyes were lit up with humor as he watched me pick up my dirty underwear from last night, my nose wrinkling with disgust.

“I’ll text Lyric. I’m sure he can get you something that will fit.” The idea of having to wear Orion’s clothes rankled, but I didn’t have much choice.

“Thank you, love.” I wrapped the towel around myself and sat on the edge of the bed as Jett texted his brother-in-law. He found himself a pair of red-and-green plaid pajama pants—very festive—and then climbed onto the bed next to me, leaving just a little space. I hated it but it felt necessary. Still, I had to hold his hand, overcome with the desire to touch him.

“I asked Lyric to leave the clothes outside the door. I don’t really want to wait, if you’re okay talking like this?”

I smiled softly at my sweet mate. It struck me how little I knew about him. I swallowed down my guilt. That was my own doing. I couldn’t believe I wasted so many weeks denying this connection between us. I couldn’t keep harping on that though. It was time to move forward. We had all the time in the world now.

Jett was quiet, waiting for me to start. He was staring at our joined hands and lightly running a finger over the top of mine. It was comforting and I was so thankful for my mate’s patience.

I closed my eyes, getting my thoughts together. I had to be honest, and I couldn’t hide anything. Jett deserved to know the truth. I could only hope he’d still feel the same about me when I was done.

“When I was 19, I was in an arrangement agreement between myself and the omega son of a family friend . . . .”

I couldn’t watch Jett as I spoke, my eyes glued shut, but I kept talking. I told him everything that happened that night, not sparing a detail. I still couldn’t remember all that I did to Lennon, but I shared what I did know. I told him about my feelings, the worry before I went into the room, and what I did afterwards. I described my disgust in myself and Lennon’s family, and my embarrassment and shame. I told him about the phone call from his father and the letter I ignored until a few days ago. I explained my vow to never be with another omega again, the one I broke with Jett. Even when I was done, I didn’t stop talking. I told Jett all about my mother and how broken my father was. I shared how conflicted I felt by the contents in the letter and how unsure I was on what I should do. I shared how I felt when I first saw Jett, how hard I fought to stay away. I told him all about the conversations with Orion and Oldaric and how I felt afterwards. I told him about my drinking. I even told him how I screamed at the poor beta in the mail room.

When I was done, I felt fucking drained. I didn’t have anything else in me. It was all out in the open, and now it was up to Jett to decide what to do with it.

The whole time I spoke, Jett held my hand. He didn’t let go once. He squeezed it harder when I needed the comfort or lightly stroked the skin when I started to get shaky. Other than a few sharp intakes of breath, he stayed silent, letting me tell my story the way I needed to.

When I was finally done, and utterly exhausted, I forced myself to open my eyes and look at my mate. The sharp pain in my chest disappeared instantly when I saw Jett’s face. All the disgust and fear I was terrified to see wasn’t there. Thankfully, neither was pity. All I saw in his expression was understanding.

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