“Maybe it’s a look alike?”
“Elena.” Moira calls my name in an undertone, as if waking me up from a dream I don’t want to wake up from. “It’s really him. I know what you’re afraid of, we should talk about it at work tomorrow.”
“Sure, we should.” She hangs up before I can add, “That’s if I can make it until tomorrow.”
My mind is a distressed mess for the rest of the night, and when the next morning comes, I go to the office with swollen eyes. I wasn’t crying, I’d barely gotten any sleep, my thoughts wouldn’t let me.
I try to deal with paperwork to keep myself distracted. Time rolls by slowly, but I’m grateful when someone throws my door open without caring to knock first. I know it’s Moira, only she would dare walk into my office without knocking first.
“Hey, girlfriend,” she says as she bolts into the office, a wide smile splitting her face in a friendly greeting. She’s gasping for air as she collapses on an L-shaped sofa a few feet away from my desk. She’s late. So late I thought she wasn’t going to make it in today. “God, I think I’m going to pass out.”
I look at her suspiciously. “Did you drink last night?”
She flashes a guilty grin my way. “I met this hot Italian guy, couldn’t pass when he offered me a drink… and sex.”
I retch at the mention of ‘sex’ and she notices. “Girl, you need to get fucked one of these days. You’ve been celibate for so long you’re basically a virgin now.”
Thanks. As if I don’t already have enough problems from the sex I had seven years ago.
“So, let’s talk about your problem,” she starts, bringing her attention to me and away from the delicious sex she had the night before. “What are you going to do now that he’s back?”
I try not to roll my eyes because the answer is obvious. “If I knew the answer to that question, I would be the most untroubled woman on earth, don’t you think?”
She shrugs her shoulders, and I can’t tell if she’s agreeing with me or not. “There’s still the problem of you not being able to find a guy. But first things first, you can’t hide Lucas from him forever.”
“Are you sure? Because I think I can.” I don’t joke in serious situations like this one, but my shoulders are heavy with the weight of fear coursing through my veins. I think I can calm my anxiety if I try to downplay the situation a little, but it’s only making me more nervous. “Moira, I can’t let Dominic meet Luca. I don’t want him…”
“Mixing up with the dark world,” she helps me complete. “I know, but I’ll tell you this, Lucas deserves a chance with his father.”
“His father is the head of the Italian mafia, Moira.” Frustration creeps up my spine, making it hard to keep my tone in check. “He’s not a normal man. He’s a mafia boss. Do you know what that means?”
It means his money is blood-money, his hands are soaked with blood, and he’s as brutal as a monster. How can I possibly let my son be anywhere near him?
“What do you intend to do right now? I’m certain you don’t plan to keep Lucas locked up in the basement of your mansion to keep him away from Dominic.”
I chew my bottom lip as I think. “I can’t keep Lucas locked away, but we can make sure Dominic never finds out about him.”
“How do we do that?”
“Start by not getting drunk and spilling the beans at the club. You’re the only person who knows the truth about me and Dominic. Dominic won’t suspect a thing if you don’t tell him.”
“Are you being serious right now?”
I lean back in my chair, swiveling it from side to side. “Serious as hell.”
Moira huffs. “Maybe you haven’t noticed but Lucas is the spitting image of Dominic. If Dominic lays an eye on Lucas, he’ll be only a DNA test away from finding out that’s his son.”
She’s right, and the fact she is makes my heart pound hard against my ribcage. It wouldn’t take long for Dominic to connect the dots and find out Lucas is his son if they ever meet. “Then I’ll have to keep Lucas away from him somehow. I don’t know how yet, but I have to.”
“Elena.”
I blink at my friend.
“What is it you’re really afraid of?” she asks, her voice gentle. “Are you really afraid Lucas will get hurt if Dominic finds out about him, or you’re scared of your own feelings for the man?”
The world stops around me, and Moira’s question plays on a loop in my head.
What am I really afraid of?