Page 14 of Risky Fight

I exchange a glance with Lou, knowing now is the moment I have to reveal the truth, no matter how difficult it may be. She needs to know why I came back — and it wasn’t all about her.

“This is my friend Lou, she is going to stay with us.”

“Like a nanny?” he asks me innocently. I glance at Lou, not wanting to harm my son, I nod. It isn’t a bad idea she will be here, I need the help — I guess she could be his nanny.

“Yeah, like a nanny,” I say to him. Lou makes a sound under her breath. “You two can get to know each other today while I work,” I say to him. “Go get some breakfast, I am coming to join you now.” I wink and he looks past me to Lou, before he says,

“Okay, she is prettier than my other nanny.” He runs off. I slowly turn around to face Lou who is slack-jawed, staring at me. She is waiting for me to say something.

“He’s my son,” I say, looking at her. “No one knows about him yet. I left and came home the moment I found out about him.” I ran away, like I did when I left her.

“He looks like you,” she says, “I am a shit nanny. I hate kids,” she adds and I can’t help but smile, Lou was never maternal.

“You can’t tell anyone,” I tell her and she giggles.

“Who am I going to tell?” she asks, “you kidnapped me. I have no phone and I am pretty sure since your son lives here, the security is so tight I’d never get away.” She isn’t wrong. “Where is his mother?” she asks after a long, silent pause.

“Dead.” I answer truthfully, “I am all he has, and I didn’t want him living in the public eye.” Lou stares at me, as if she is wanting more if any explanation than that. But that is all I have to give, not even I have better answers. “I am still figuring this all out.”

“You’re a dad,” she says softly. “That’s weird, I wouldn’t have given you goldfish to keep alive. Have you even had a pot plant?” She’s got a point, which is why I came home. I knew I couldn’t raise a son alone, I would fuck it up. “He must miss his Mam,” Lou says, the sadness in her voice can be felt, “it isn’t easy being a kid without one.” Her mother died when she was seven, leaving a crater in her life. If anyone knows what Nolan feels right now, it’s her.

“He hasn’t said much,” I wish he would talk about her, “but I have seen him cry a few times.”

“You let that baby cry, don’t you stop him with manly bullshit. He is allowed to be sad.” Lou gets very defensive. “Boys can cry too, don’t make it harder for him.” I hadn’t said anything to him, but eventually I would have. Boys don’t cry, that’s for girls.

“I am not a fucking monster like your old man was, Lou. He’s a wee one, who lost his mother and got left with a stranger he’d never met. He can cry if he needs to.” She stops scowling at me. There is an awkward silence. I need to lock the doors, if he’d come in minutes before he did, he would have seen more than he should have. “I have to go to work, you two will stay here. You don’t have to be his nanny, just be nice to him. He’s lonely and sad and far from home.” I know how that feels all too well.

“People will notice I am not around, you know,” she says. My impulsive decision didn’t take today into account, it only left room for what I wanted right then. “I will be a missing person.”

“I’ll deal with it, you’re not going anywhere, Lou. You are mine. Until your brothers pay up, you have no choice.” That grinds her, not having a choice. She turns red in the face, her hands gripping the bedsheet into tight fists.

“There are always choices, Roark,” she says, “you should know that, you made a few shit ones.” I haven’t got time to argue with Lou now, I have to see my father and then go to the Russian ‘fight-boat’ for a meeting with investors. Lou will have to wait to throw a tantrum until later. I know one thing for sure, that is, I am not going to let her go again.

“Are you having breakfast with us before I leave?” I ask her.

Chapter9 - Lou

I’m not sure what the right answer is, I don’t know if I want to sit at the table with them. My mind is spinning with questions, and thoughts, and I can’t separate my feelings from facts. I’m overwhelmed and I just need a moment alone to process everything. Yesterday I never thought I would see him again in my life. I had let go. I was even trying to move on. Will asked me to move in with him — again.

“Can I have a minute or two to myself?” I ask “I just need to be alone for a bit. I will come have breakfast with you after that.” Roark looks disappointed, but I am being forced to stay here, confronted with his secret child and some truth bombs about the past and I want to sit with these emotions for a hot minute to just feel them.

Every cell in my body wants to hate him — but I can’t. No matter how I try, he will always be my first love.

“That’s fine,” he says before leaving me alone in his bed while he takes a shower and gets dressed for his day. I want to be mad as fuck at my brothers for landing me in this mess, it could have been anyone. I am lucky it is Roark’s family they owe, a long list of worse options run through my head.

“We will be in the dining room, if you decide to join us,” Roark says, holstering a gun he just took from the nightstand and pulling a black leather jacket over it. He looks so good, all fresh and clean, his hair slicked back. Roark smells like he always did, the exact same aftershave. Soft scent of sandalwood and leather, it’s manly and intoxicating. I forget I am angry, and confused, and kidnapped when I get a whiff of him. It short circuits my mind, making me think of nothing other than how it felt earlier when he pinned me to the bed and fucked me.

When he is gone, I shake my head trying to bring myself to my senses, then I get up and take a hot shower. The manly scented body wash erases the smell of sex, and I wash my knotted hair, combing his conditioner through it with my fingers. Enjoying the seemingly unlimited hot water, I take my time. The water in my building is hot for about three minutes if I am lucky, this is bliss.

I’m tender where Roark was inside me, I can feel it, a dull ache like something is missing. It’s a nagging sensation that makes me close my legs tightly together wanting more. More of him, more sex like that. God, it was so fucking good. My toes curl just thinking about it. When I step out there’s a clean pair of his gym shorts and a white t-shirt on the vanity for me.

I am going to need some clothing that isn’t his, because the shorts barely stay up even with the drawstring pulled to the tightest. The shirt is long and I tie it in a cute knot so my abs are on show. If I have to wear his clothes, I am going to make damn sure they look better on me than him.

I dig around in his drawers to find a pair of socks because my feet are still sore. His drawers are almost empty, just a few basic wardrobe items, gym gear and boxing wraps. It’s like he left and didn’t bring anything with him at all. Sitting on the dressing room floor, I pull on his socks and wiggle my toes to make them comfortable.

When I get to the dining room Roark is already getting ready to leave the house. Remembering the drive here last night, he has a long commute back to his family’s company offices in the city.

“Will you be okay with him?” he asks me, looking up from his phone. I have no clue what to do with a kid but I don’t think I have much choice. I’m stuck here, and the child is here. There’s no escaping so I nod and look over my shoulder at the little boy drinking cereal milk out the bowl.

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