Page 32 of Single Dad Billionaire Boss

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Jacob

“Is everything all right?”Ella said, looking surprised.

“Everything’s fine,” I said. “We just wanted to ask you out to supper with us.”

“Please!” Zoe cried. “It’s been forever since I saw you!”

“I picked you up from school on Wednesday,” Ella said with a smile. “But that sounds great. You’re my last patient for the day. If you don’t have an actual problem to discuss, I’ll close up shop and we can go.”

Ella still looked puzzled when, twenty minutes later, we were sitting in a tiny Italian restaurant with white twinkle lights and cheesy accordion music. As soon as we ordered, Zoe announced that she had to poop. Our evening was off to a delightful start, I thought. Ella insisted on taking her, and when they came back, whispering and giggling, Zoe was wearing lip gloss.

“That’s part of the fun of the ladies’ room,” Ella said. “Putting on makeup in the big mirror.”

Zoe crawled onto Ella’s lap and colored her kids’ menu. I snapped a photo of them together to send to Ella later. The only thing better than having Ella step back into the hole she’d left in our lives—inmylife—was seeing her and Zoe together working on a boot-shaped dot-to-dot of Italy. Then Zoe ate a bunch of ravioli and some of my mushroom bucatini while she sat on my knee. Ella tried to get her to take a bite of the chicken Marsala but she refused because it looked weird. We all shared a lemon dessert after Ella used half of a Tide pen to get the marinara sauce out of Zoe’s uniform.

“Guess I need a bib, huh, Daddy?” Zoe said, giggling.

“No, I think you’re supposed to get sauce on you,” Ella said. “Otherwise, it means the food wasn’t any good or something.”

“Fair point,” I said, showing her my shirtsleeve. Zoe had gotten marinara on there too. “I should’ve brought more Tide pens. Which reminds me, Ella. I wanted to ask if you’d come back to the house for a few minutes after we finish up here.”

Ella nodded. She was happy to see Zoe, I could tell, but at the same time had been subdued the entire evening. Maybe she was tired, I thought, or maybe she was waiting for the other shoe to drop. We’d shown up at her job and whisked her off to dinner without explanation.

Ella followed us home in her car, and Zoe, true to form, fell asleep about five minutes from the driveway. I carried her up to her room and put her to bed. Ella came in and switched on the nightlight. She removed Zoe’s shoes while I took out her barrettes. I covered her up and Ella tucked in her narwhal beside her, the two of us moving silently around each other in a smoothly choreographed dance that did not require any words. Ella then followed me down to the living room and the two of us sat on the sofa.

“Okay,” she said, “what’s going on? Why did you come to the office like that?”

I took a deep breath. “We wanted to see you, that was part of it, but the main reason is I wanted to ask you to come back home where you belong.” I sat back a little when I realized I was crowding her. “I didn’t want to ask you in front of Zoe.”

“I don’t know what to say, Jacob,” Ella said. “Part of me was thrilled to see you when I opened the door, but the sensible part was thinking, oh no, I’m trying to get past this. You showed up at my work with your adorable kid, yeah, but that’s not the way we agreed to handle things. I’m only supposed to have contact with you to make arrangements for my visits with Zoe.”

“I know,” I said. “And I hate that plan. It’s a terrible idea and I’ll take all the blame for it. But I have a new plan, if you’ll let me tell it to you.”

Ella smiled. “If your last plan was such a disaster, why would I want to know your new one?” Her tone was playful, less defensive.

“My new plan is so good, I think you’ll like it… even if it sounds a bit crazy.”

“You have a two-story climbing gym in your office,” Ella said. “You made a zillion-page binder on how to take care of a five-year-old and had everything laminated. I’m used to crazy.”

I took another deep breath and swallowed. “You’re part of our family, Ella,” I said. “Zoe and I miss you. It was wrong of me to send you away.”

“Send me away?” Ella said, a smile tugging at her lips. “You sound like you’re talking about the family dog.”

“You’re right,” I said, dragging my fingers through my hair. “I’m doing a terrible job of this, so I’ll just say it. I’m in love with you, Ella. I was so afraid of making everything worse for my daughter that I went ahead and made everything worse for all of us. I used to be adventurous. I’d risk my life every weekend bouldering—no rope, no harness. I was brave for a long time. Becoming a father made me careful—toocareful. I’m aware that I’m all Zoe has left, and I was using that as a shield to keep from taking a risk on a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I’m sorry I was a coward. It won’t happen again.”

Ella did not answer. Her hands were knotted together in her lap, the pulse in her throat so rapid that it belied her stillness. I waited for her to say something,anything, but when she didn’t, I reached in my pocket and took out the little box from Tiffany & Co.—where, just the day before, I had studied every vintage ring they owned before finally settling on an Art Deco filigree with diamonds and rubies. I held out my hand and dared not breathe until Ella gave me hers. Ella’s eyes held mine, and the fragile hope I saw there almost broke my heart. Instead of the speech I had planned, I stroked my thumb across her knuckles and kissed her hand with tears in my eyes. I had abandoned her, shut her out of my life even though I pored over a drawerful of notes from her every night before I went to sleep.

“I couldn’t let go of what we have,” I said. “And trying to ignore it only made it worse. I thought if I could control my heart, I could prevent Zoe from experiencing loss again. But in doing so, I now know, I set the wrong example. Life is not about worrying and mistrusting everyone, it’s about going after and cherishing the things that matter. It’s okay to be afraid, but not when it gets in the way of love. And I love you, Ella Clark. I promise I will never let my fear get in the way of my love for you again.”

My words hung in the air between us as Ella processed what I said. I had to give her space, even though I wanted to lean in closer and go on trying to convince her that what I said was true, that she did not need to be afraid of loving me anymore.

“It’s really good to hear you say this,” she said finally, her eyes more playful now than sad. “Good, too, that you’re willing to work on breaking those patterns.”

I smiled. “I was hoping you could recommend a counselor to work with me.”

“I’d be glad to get you a referral. Seriously, it’s been driving me crazy from a purely professional standpoint that you boxed yourself in because you were afraid. It’s natural to be fearful as part of grief, but you took it to an extreme.”

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