“I kept some executives up late last night,” Jacob said. “They weren’t too thrilled about it, but I didn’t care. I wanted to get home to Zoe as soon as I could.”

“She’ll be thrilled when she sees you,” I said. “As soon as I’m done with my appointments, I’ll pick up my stuff from your house.”

“Sounds good. And thanks, Ella.”

When I returned to my appointment, I apologized to my patient and explained it was a personal matter. For the rest of the day, I wondered why I had called it that—a “personal matter”—when in truth it was just a schedule change for my other job.Maybe because itispersonal,I told myself in the end. Zoe and I had grown close, after all, so how could anything concerning hernotfeel personal?

Chapter6

6

Jacob

Vera the Vulturehad an even uglier friend waiting for me when I got home. There on my bed, with a cute“Welcome Home!”note, sat a two-foot moray eel plushy with a disturbingly realistic face. Beady eyes, wide mouth, and rows of vicious teeth. I had to laugh when Zoe introduced me to her as Eva the Eel. What’s more, Zoe and Ella had also made a book for me calledThe Adventures of Vera and Eva. It was full of photos of the two hideous toys posed in various activities. Having breakfast, reading books, playing hopscotch. Zoe couldn’t wait for me to read it to her. Between that goofy project and how she talked about Ella, there was no doubt that she’d had a terrific week.

Zoe and I had stopped by the farmer’s market on the way home from school, and that evening before dinner, we sat at the kitchen counter, talking, and cutting up vegetables for our salad, Zoe using her plastic helper knife. Zoe’s voice and her dramatic expressions were like sunlight to me, and at one point, I literally stopped what I was doing just so I could hug her.

After dinner, while we were playing with her toy horses on her bedroom floor, she asked me to Dutch braid their tails. When I told her I would have to look that up on YouTube, she gave me a disappointed, five-going-on-fifteen expression.

“Ellie knows how,” Zoe said. “She did it to my hair.”

“Well, Ellie is very smart,” I said, even though it made me grit my teeth a little. Sure, Ella Clark could braid hair and be lots of fun, butI’mthe one who’s been making Zoe brush her teeth for the last four years. Still, I thought, I would need to get on YouTube sooner or later and learn how to Dutch braid. That night, I compensated by readingThe Adventures of Vera and Evaagain instead.

After work the next day, I asked Ella to stay for a few minutes. Zoe was occupying herself with a coloring book in her bedroom, so Ella and I went down into the kitchen to talk.

“Well,” I said, my voice raspy, and I cleared my throat. “Zoe had a good week with you. I really appreciate that.”

Ella smiled. “We had a great time.”

I cleared my throat again. “In any event, it occurred to me while I was in Singapore that I must’ve come off as a bit of a jerk on the phone. Before your interview, I mean. I wasn’t expecting to interview anyone, so the sudden change threw me off. I didn’t react well.”

A heavy silence hung between us. Ella seemed to be waiting for something, but in the end, all she said was, “Oh, okay, thank you.”

“I am now quite confident in your ability to take care of my daughter.”

“Thank you,” she said again, this time blushing. “I’m glad I’ve earned your trust.”

“You have. And compensation besides.”

I handed Ella a check I had filled out earlier. Ella looked confused. “My direct deposit went through last night,” she said.

“Call this a bonus,” I said. “Go on.”

Ella looked in the envelope and her eyebrows shot upward. She shook her head and nudged the envelope toward me. “This is way too much. You already paid me for the week.”

“I respect the work you do,” I said. “I’d like you to continue as Zoe’s nanny indefinitely.”

“I’d love to. Until I get a full-time job in my field, of course.”

It was done, then. Ella had accepted the bonus and the extension of employment. So why the bitter taste in my mouth?

“Until I get a full-time job in my field, of course.”

Yes, that was it. The dread ofonce againhaving to explain to Zoe why a caregiver had abandoned her. Mrs. Henderson retired and moved away. Kristen got married and moved away. Why should Ella be any different? She was just a glorified babysitter, after all. Her departure would be no worse than the others. So what was this wrench in my gut at the thought of it?

Nothing personal, of course,I told myself. Disappointment, misplaced faith, perhaps, because she had attended Zoe’s play without being asked. Had I really been so naïve? Had I really believed that Ella Clark might have thought of Zoe as something more than a job? Or was it something else—a different kind of hope that had no place in this jaded man’s heart?

Chapter7