Van, it’s Zaya; I have the print. Can you come to the hospital and get it?I know he’s on the retreat, so he shouldn’t have trouble finding me. However, I would much rather get this done as soon as possible.
Now? Or in the morning?he shoots back almost immediately. I glance across at Alex, wondering if I can get away with it here.Come in the morning, and I will message you when Alex is gone. Make an excuse to leave the retreat.
With that, I turn over on the bed and close my eyes to try and get some sleep. Of course, I can’t because my mind is racing everywhere, flickering with indecision. Nevertheless, I know what I want to do and what I have to do… I hope that I make the right choice in the end…
Once I’ve seen the doctor in the morning, Alex regretfully leaves to get back to everyone, and I send a message for Van to come. I’m still not fully decided if this is the right thing to do, but I want to keep the ball rolling on the plan I’ve had all along because it feels necessary now. Even as I hit the send button when Van arrives and takes the print from me, I still don’t know if I’m acting rationally. I even end up calling Dad in the hope that his voice will get me back on track.
“Hey, sweetie, are you okay?” he asks concernedly. “Van told me that you were rushed to the hospital with dehydration. Are you not looking after yourself, or is this part of the plan?”
I have to resist rolling my eyes at this one. I might be ballsy and determined when I set my mind to something, but even I wouldn’t go this far for anything.
“It was just an oversight, Dad; I’m okay,” I shuffle in the bed uncomfortably, my body not fully agreeing with what I’m saying. “I just want to tell you where I am with the plan.”
“Oh, I know, you have the key ready. That’s great news.” But, of course, Van has already told him. I feel slightly annoyed as if he’s stolen my thunder. “So it shouldn’t be long for you to get the document?”
“Well, we have this damn work retreat, so I suppose Van can’t do it now without it being obvious, so I’ll get it done as soon as we get back.”
“Don’t take too long,” he echoes his warning. “I need this done now.”
Ugh, this phone call has done nothing to make me feel better. If anything, I’m even more annoyed.
“Right, Dad, the doctor is here,” I lie to remind him that my health is in danger too because that fact seems to have been forgotten. “I’ll speak to you later.”
I want to be reminded that this is all for a good cause and I’m doing it for the greater good, but instead, I’m left angry and unsettled – even more so than before. I feel like I might be floundering and falling apart.
“What are you doing here?” I giggle quietly as Alex walks back through the door, changing my mood entirely, and waking me up from an actual blissful nap. “Don’t you have the retreat to work on?”
“Been there, done that,” he smiles. “I cut it off early for the day and told the staff to have a few drinks on me. I wanted to check on you and see how you’re doing.”
“I’m much better,” I tell him honestly, sitting up more straight. “But they still want to keep me for another night to keep an eye on me, but I don’t know why.” I did argue about it, but the doctor won’t budge. “So, how did it go today?”
“The team building went well, but I’m a little concerned about things back at the office.” He looks down at his hands as if he’s struggling with something, making me feel guilty. Has he somehow found out what I’m a part of? Is he about to confront me? My heart races, terrified. I stare anxiously at him, willing him to kill the anticipation. “I don’t know why, but I have the weird feeling that things may go wrong with the launch.”
“What? Why would you think that?” Oh, God, this is horrible. I’m so fucking scared that I could scream. I’m just waiting for him to tell me that he knows exactly who I am and what I’ve been doing. I desperately don’t want to see that hate in his eyes.
“I don’t know, and it’s just… the weird question at the press conference and the stuff the papers have been saying. I guess that’s why I organized this retreat, to try and see if it’s obvious that someone isn’t happy to be here. I thought it might show me if someone wants to betray me.”
“And?” My heart is thumping, and bile is rising in my throat. I’m petrified. The scheme might be about to fall apart here and now. “Did you find anyone?”
“No,” he shakes his head sadly. “I don’t know, and maybe I’m just being paranoid. Maybe I’m just worried because this is the biggest thing I’ve ever done…I don’t know.”
“I think things will be fine,” I smile thinly, trying to hide the mess I am inside. “It’s probably stress. I don’t think you can see how well you’re doing. You nailed that press conference, and the press has been kinder to you ever since.” I really need to get him off my trail, and this feels like the best way. By convincing him that it’s all in his mind, he might look at something else instead.
“Everyone I’ve spoken to loves working for you.” I rub his arm gently, causing him to smile back at me. “You just need to stop worrying and focus on what you have left to do.”
“You’re right,” he sighs, allowing my chest's tight knot of panic to subside. “I do feel like I’m acting like a crazy person. I guess it’s all piling up on me.”
“Well, that’s why I’m here,” I do my best to reassure him, “to help with everything until Nina gets back. So try not to worry and enjoy yourself.”
“Yeah, okay, thank you. But, honestly, I don’t know what I would do without you; you’re my rock now, so thanks for that.”
“Of course,” I all but whisper, guilt consuming me. I feel terrible for lying like crazy, but what else can I do? I’ve committed the ultimate sin by falling for the person I’m supposed to con, and I only have myself to blame. I can only utter, “You’re welcome.”
I need to be done with this now before I end up doing something stupid. I’m dangerously close as it is; if I leave it any longer, I might follow through…
Alex
Ihadalreadydecidedto end the retreat with a nice meal where we could all just be together and have a good laugh, but that idea feels even more appealing now that I know Zaya has recovered enough strength to come along. So as I glance at myself in the mirror, checking that my suit is pristine, I imagine her on my arm, coming to the event as my date.