Page 73 of I Shouldn't Feel This Way

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Studying seemed impossible, since Jess wouldn’t drop the Noah subject.

“Are you two fighting or something?” she asked.

“No, what makes you say that?”

“I don’t know. You’re acting weird around him.”

“How so?”

“Come on, Aria, you’re always affectionate and sweet to your dad. What’s going on?”

“How observant of you,” I said sarcastically.

“That’s it? You’re not going to tell me?”

“There’s nothing to tell, Jess.”

“I’m your best friend—you know you can talk to me.”

It was mostly true. She was the only person at school that I was closest to, but best friend status? No, not yet. Jade and Ally were my real true blues. I missed them a lot.

“We had a dumb argument this morning,” I said. “No big deal.”

“Well, clearly itisa big deal. Obviously you’re not over it, since you cancelled your trip to Italy,unbeknownst to Noah,of course.”

“I don’t want to get into it. Let’s focus on this project.”

She studied me inquisitively for a while, and then eventually surrendered.

“Okay, fine.”

****

Jessica left my place around nine-thirty that evening, and my stepmom still wasn’t home yet, so I shut myself away in my room. Music was the only good distraction. I was listening to some Radiohead while I sat in front of my mirrored vanity, applying a variety of cosmetic supplements to my face.

Maybe if I make myself look older, he’ll notice me in a different way … a more desirable way.Tears streaked down my cheeks, leaving pink track marks that messed up the blush I had powdered on. I finished brushing some red gloss on my lips and evaluated my reflection. Who was this person? I hardly recognized myself. I was a hot mess. That sounded just about accurate. I felt like I was having an identity crisis.

Frustration swung my mood off balance, as I stood up and pulled off my shirt. All I had on was a black push-up bra and dark skinny jeans. I carefully examined my figure and twisted my body around, searching for flaws from different angles. My chest was nowhere near the size of Vanessa’s, but I was a decent B cup. I touched my navel and thought about getting it pierced. Ally had got hers done the year before, and I had gone with her. It looked so painful, but she soldiered on through it.

I brushed my hair to the side to see if it improved my look.

Nope.

Dissatisfied with the style, I ran my fingers through my locks like a madwoman. It was hair-spray overkill. Although, Ididlook like I had sex hair going on.

Maybe he’ll find me more appealing this way.

I turned my attention to my wardrobe and stepped into my walk-in closet. My shoe rack was filled with a variety of designer heels; Prada, Louboutin, Valentino, Giuseppe Zanotti, Gianvito Rossi … These European designers definitely knew how to make amazing shoes for women. I grabbed a pair of black pumps and slipped them on.

Now I feel really sexy,I thought as I snapped a photo of myself with my phone. I took another picture blowing a kiss and attached the photo to a text before sending it to Ryan.

A few seconds later, my cellphone vibrated:

Damn, Aria, you are fine as HELL.

I smirked triumphantly but couldn’t help feeling a little anxious inside, because the last thing I wanted was a provocative photo of me trafficked through hundreds of cellphones at school. At least it wasn’t like I sent him a topless nudie—I was just in my bra.

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