Page 154 of I Shouldn't Feel This Way

“Where are you, beautiful? I’ve got a surprise for you!” He thought about lowering the volume on the stereo but didn’t want to waste any more seconds. All he needed was to feel her in his arms and breathe her in.

“Are you playing hide and seek?” He chuckled as he opened the bedroom door.

No … no …

It was a chilling discovery. Everything froze in a still frame. He stood there, paralyzed, hands shaking. His entire life shattered to pieces as he howled in agony and ran toward the bed. Everything was happening so slowly, and he couldn’t understand why.

“No … Aria … no! No! No!” Noah pulled her lifeless body into his arms while his brand-new suit became soaked in crimson blood.

“You can’t be dead … you can’t be! Don’t leave me, Aria!” He choked on tears and rocked her back and forth, knowing that his prayers would never be answered. His angel was dead. Someone had killed her.

****

Noah gasped for breath as his eyes snapped open. He was so shaken up that he almost woke Aria. She purred in his arms and snuggled up to him. Feeling thankful to find himself back in his car, he wiped the sweat off his forehead and tried to calm down. That nightmare had nearly given him a heart attack. It had felt so real. Lana’s song continued to play on the stereo, and he quickly shut it off because the beautiful melody was now marred. It had become a horrific trigger for him.

Noah glanced at the time on his cellphone and cursed under his breath when he saw all the missed calls from his wife. He had to wake Aria and head home. This was going to be hard to explain to Vanessa, but he wasn’t too worried about that. He was just relieved that his daughter was still alive and in his arms. That nightmare was truly the worst he’d ever had. He prayed to God that it wasn’t a forewarning.

“I love you, Aria,” Noah murmured in her ear. “I love you more than anything in this world.” He softly kissed her head and gently lifted her off his lap. The Ferrari’s engine roared to life before he put the car in reverse and headed home.

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

NOAH

My mind was consumed with thoughts of my past and present while I drove home. Nothing in life ever prepared me for this moment—not my mother’s harsh discipline or my father’s moralistic teachings on right and wrong. Before Aria, I was certain I knew who I was; my identity was never in question. Sure, my college years were tough, but after I kicked my drug habit, I knew I had found myself. Everything post-Aria was like organized chaos in my head. I knew that what I was doing with my daughter was wrong on so many levels—actually, on every level possible—yet everything felt oddly natural. It wasn’t thought out or planned. She was like a force of nature. Imagine the following scenario:

You’re walking down a street on a bright sunny day, and suddenly a freak storm approaches out of nowhere. Thunder crashes and rain pours over you as a strong gust of wind pushes you the opposite direction of your intended destination. Instinctively, you try to fight it and maintain your balance, so you grab on to something, anything. But there’s nothing there for you to grab. You’re in the middle of a hurricane, and you have no control anymore. There’s no choice but to surrender, because when you’ve got winds coming at you at 115 mph, your fate is pretty much sealed. Everything had changed since Hurricane Aria had coasted into my life.

The black iron gates slowly creaked open before I pulled into our circular driveway and parked the Ferrari. I knew I’d have to drive it in the garage later, but right then, my only concern was getting my sleeping beauty into bed, safe and sound. Dawn was breaking as I got out of the car and headed to the house to unlock the front door. Then I walked back to open the passenger door. Aria stirred in my arms while I carefully carried her out of the car and into the house. Her hair smelled like strawberries, and I was positive her perfume had rubbed off on my shirt. I had texted Vanessa before driving home, but she’d never responded, and I hadn’t exactly come up with a good excuse as to why Aria and I were out so late. I was hoping I’d have enough time to think, and that Vanessa was fast asleep and not waiting up for me.

As quietly as possible, I carried Aria through the foyer and walked down the long corridor.

“Where the hell have you been?”

I froze. That voice was familiar, but it wasn’t my wife’s. Reluctantly, I turned around and faced my sister-in-law.

“We’ve been worried sick!” Vanessa suddenly appeared by Vienna’s side. “Where have you been all night, Noah? I called the freaking cops, thinking you were both lying dead in a ditch somewhere!”

It was worse than I’d thought: they were tag-teaming against me. Aria’s eyes slowly flickered open, and now I was more upset, because I didn’t want to wake her. “Close your eyes,” I whispered, and then looked at my wife. “Let me get her into bed first.”

I could hear the two of them muttering things behind my back, which was irritating the fuck out of me, but I controlled my flaring temper and successfully made it to Aria’s bedroom.

“Noah … where …” She woke up half disoriented. “Where are—”

“Go to sleep, baby. We’re home now. You’re in your bedroom.” I took off her heels and set them down on the floor. “Rest.”

“Don’t go.” She reached for my arm.

“I have to, Aria. I’ll check on you later.” I didn’t want to leave her, but I had no choice in the matter. Leaving a gentle kiss on her forehead, I walked out and made my way back to the living room, where twovery pissed-offsisters were waiting for me. This wasn’t going to be fun.

“Well?” Vienna glared at me accusingly, as if I had committed a crime. It was a little unnerving. “Are you going to explain yourself?” She folded her arms in her chest and tapped her slipper on the floor.

“We fell asleep.” I sighed in frustration.

“Fell asleep?” Vanessa said.

“Yes.” I looked at my wife. “I took Aria out for dinner in the evening, and then we decided to get some donuts and park the car by the beach and talk. She was feeling down and had a lot on her chest. I was trying to comfort her all evening.”

I hated lying. Hated it.

---