Page 152 of I Shouldn't Feel This Way

I froze and stopped breathing all together.

“I’ve corrupted you … us.” He held my gaze, brushing his thumb gently over my bottom lip. “I thought I had changed. But I haven’t.” Noah sighed. “I guess I’m still that same asshole I was back in law school—no conscience.”

“Don’t say that.” I frowned.

“You have no idea what I was like, and I’m too ashamed to tell you.”

I wondered if he ever shared his past with Vanessa.

“I just realized that God must exist,” he said. “How else can you explain all the evil in the world? I’m not a good man. I’m a demon, and a demon is not worthy of touching an angel.”

Not the demon talk again.

“Aren’t they basically the same thing?”

“You’ve got the good guys and the bad guys, and, well, I think it’s obvious where I stand now.”

“Is that what you really compare yourself to?”

“What if I am, Aria? What if I’m Lucifer’s son corrupting the world?”

No way. I was not living some fucked up sequel ofThe Omen.

“Well …” I arched an eyebrow at him. “If you are, then clearly Lucifer’s been extremely misunderstood.”

“Why do you say that?” He chuckled.

“Because if the Devil is truly evil incarnate, how could his son possesses the ability to love?” I leaned back a bit and took his hand, placing it on my heart. “How could he possibly care more about me than himself? Why would he tattoo my name on his chest?” That flaming phoenix was calling me, and I reached out to touch it.

“He’s cheating on his wife. He’s lusting after his daughter. He’s committing sin after sin. He’s not as noble and chivalrous as his angel believes he is.”

“He showed self-control when his angel couldn’t.”

“Maybe that’s all part of his plan, to get his angel vulnerable enough that he can drag her to Hell with him.”

“Maybe she’s his salvation,” I suggested, feeling my heart flutter when he gazed into my eyes. He looked so beautiful. Noah always looked strikingly handsome, even in the darkness. I so wished I could peer into his mind and hear his thoughts.

“Come, my chest feels lonely.” He caressed my face with the back of his hand.

The stereo automatically changed tracks to something softer, “Connect the Dots”by The Spill Canvas. It was one of my favorites. I shifted my weight and lay sideways, curled up in Noah’s lap. Taking a deep breath, I rested my head in the crook of his neck, feeling the slow, drumming rhythm of his heartbeat pounding through my palm. He wrapped one arm around me and gently played with my hair while I hummed and closed my eyes. I felt relaxed and safe in the warmth and comfort of his embrace. We cuddled like this for the longest while, gently caressing each other and enjoying the music.

****

Fall out of the Heavens, and dive into a dream. For all is not as it may seem …

The sound of my own voice echoed in my ears as I opened my eyes and looked at the time. It was a quarter to midnight, and only an hour had gone by. I had been dreaming that I saw myself falling from a dark thundering sky in slow motion. My arms had been reaching up toward an entity I could not see. I wasn’t afraid, and quickly concluded that I must have had that dream because of all the talk of angels and demons. Being in Noah’s arms made me feel safe. I didn’t want the night to end. Wondering if he too fell asleep, I tilted my head up and looked at him.

“Looking for stars?” I asked.

“I can see some, actually.”

“Really?” I twisted my body so that my back was resting on his chest, with my head cushioned against his shoulder. He squeezed me tightly and placed a chaste kiss on my right temple. We were both staring up at the sky now. I found his hands and intertwined my fingers in his.

This night just feels so magical. Maybe those celestial goddesses had their prayers answered after all,I thought, mesmerized by the illuminating starlight.

Noah broke the silence. “We have to get home soon.”

I just want to stay here with you all night.Reality was depressing me.

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