Page 51 of I Shouldn't Feel This Way

By the end of the evening, her grandparents retired early to bed and so did the rest of her family. It was a four-bedroom house, and Aria always slept in her mother’s old bedroom, which had remained exactly the same for the longest time. Pink floral wallpaper covered the walls, and all the bedroom furniture was white. The beige carpeting was in dire need of removal, and the tacky flower-print curtains looked so outdated. Regardless, Aria was thankful that she didn’t have to share a room with her younger siblings.

A full moon was glowing in the sky, and she noticed some scattered stars when she stared out the window. It was a quarter after eleven, but Aria was sleepless. She turned on the bedside lamp and pulled out a book from her duffel bag.

“Hey, are you still awake?” Emily asked, as she quietly stepped inside.

“Yeah, I was about to do some reading.”

She walked over to her daughter and sat on the bed. “I just wanted to check in on you and make sure you’re okay. I know your father upset you tonight.”

“Mom, stop calling him that. He’s not my dad.”

“He’s all you’ve got, sweetie.”

“Whatever.” Aria sighed and rolled her eyes.

“Anyway, I appreciate the way you handled yourself. I know Robert was out of line with the things he said about you, but thank you for being mature and not provoking him further.”

“I only did it for Grams, I didn’t want to ruin her Thanksgiving. She hardly sees us, so yeah …”

Emily kissed her daughter’s head and stood up, rubbing her arms as if she were cold. “This place always brings back so many memories.” She hugged her chest while walking around the bedroom. “It’s all so … nostalgic.”

“You didn’t lose your virginity in here, did you?” Aria teased.

“What?” Her mother went red in the face. “Are you kidding me? Goodness, no!” She stepped toward the window and looked outside. There was a huge oak tree with an old tire swing hanging off the branch. She smiled to herself and exhaled loudly. “Did you know that I buried a time capsule in this backyard when I was your age?”

Aria lowered the book she was reading and looked at her mom in curiosity. “Really? What did you put in it?”

“My most precious memories at the time.”

“Which were?”

“Love letters mostly.”

“From who?”

Emily turned around with a saddened smile. “Your father.”

“Oh,” said Aria. “Well, we could always dig it up tomorrow …”

“Absolutely not.” She shook her head. “There’s a reason why the past should always stay buried.”

“Mom, come on. I want to know what you were like when you were sixteen.”

“Isn’t it obvious? I was young and foolish. Who in their right mind would want to be a teen mom?” She noticed the way her daughter frowned, realizing that her comment may have offended her. “Aria, I’m sorry, that’s not what I meant. Of course I’m happy that I had you and kept you, but—”

“Mom, it’s fine, you don’t need to explain.” Aria felt a little injured inside, but quickly brushed it off. “I get it. I would hate to be pregnant at my age as well.”

Emily sat on the edge of the bed again and caressed her daughter’s face.

“Sometimes,” Aria began, “I think you resent me because I’m Noah’s child.”

“Sweetheart, don’t be silly. I never feel that way.”

If anything, whenever she looked at her daughter, she was always reminded of the greatest love she had lost, which often made her sad. “You are my first-born and you know how precious you are to me. Your sister looks up to you, have you not noticed?”

“Yeah,” Aria mumbled.

“You’re a very important part of this family. We all need you. You can always talk to me if something’s on your mind—you know that.”

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