Page 120 of I Shouldn't Feel This Way

“Well, I guess now you know what heartache feels like.” I couldn’t hold back my vindictiveness. I had to say it.

“Don’t you dare tell me what heartache is like,little girl.” His voice was ice cold, and those blue eyes were blazing. It was quite the contrast. He made me feel like Little Red Riding Hood, trapped in a corner with the super villain. Was Noah the enemy? Was I wrong to believe that he was my hero?

“I have every right to say that to you!” I cried out. “You put me through seventeen years of it! Heartache has been my entire life in a fucking nutshell! Tell me, Noah, what haveyougone through? You recovered just fine from your sad but inevitable breakup with your high school sweetheart—a.k.a., my mother. You moved on quite well without me. Your conscience never burdened you heavily enough to remind you that I still existed and needed you.

“You were born into money, became a hotshot lawyer, got married, and created this perfect life for yourself. What heartache and hardship could you have possibly suffered along the way, huh? Not being there for me throughout my childhood? Don’t bother categorizing that as legitimate pain. I’m sure you regret the day you ever came back into my life. I hate you!”

What originally started out as egotistical warfare had transitioned to a heart-hunting game of slaughter, and I had assassinated his character in under twenty seconds. I was ruthless, and aware of it. I knew I had deeply wounded him. That look on his face crushed me inside, and I immediately regretted what I said as soon as those ugly words came out of my mouth.

How could I hurt him this way?An overwhelming sense of self-loathing sagged over my shoulders, and I knew I was screwed because it was too late to take it back.

All the hurt in his eyes suddenly transformed into something else—the ocean tide was turning and gaining more height and strength, like a tsunami about to crash upon the shore. I stood there alone, facing my fear and waiting for the violent wave to obliterate me.

His face hardened. “Hating someone sounds like the beginning of a timeless love story.”

The monstrous tidal wave drew back and died down. Noah had spared me. I didn’t hate him. I loved him. I wasin lovewithhim. I just hated the way he made me feel—so vulnerable and inferior. But I had to say something—I couldn’t let this go.

“Is that your cliché attempt at admitting you’re in love with me?”

He intensified his stare. “What if I am?”

No, that wasn’t possible. “You either are or you aren’t.” I huffed in frustration.

“I think you’re trying to get a rise out of me on purpose. You’re deliberately attempting to hurt me and piss me off, so you can be justified in running away.”

How did he know me so well?

“Do you really think I’m going to abuse you the way Rob did?” he continued. “Throw you around and hit you?”

“You punched your fist through the wall,” I murmured.

“And I’d rather break my knuckles a hundred fucking times over than to ever lay a finger onyou!”

Uh oh, I had woken the sleeping dragon.

“You think I’m like every other abusive asshole that has been in your life,” he said, “but I’ve got news for you—I’m not.”

“I never made that judgment!”

“You don’t know me well enough, Aria. You have no idea who I am or what I’m capable of.”

“Are you threatening me?”

“Did I not make myself clear? Are you deaf?” he said with hostility. “I told you I’d never be violent toward you.”

I didn’t like this Noah. There was no warmth in his eyes.

“So, emotionally abusing me is better?” I countered.

“If anyone’s being emotionally abused here, it’s me. Is this all a game to you? Manipulating my feelings and fucking with my head all evening—do you enjoy it? Does it get you off knowing that you have the ability to completely mind-fuck me?”

My lips trembled as I struggled to strengthen my wounded pride and speak up for myself. “You’re just too proud to admit that I get under your skin!”

“Oh, you’ve got much deeper than that. Trust me.” He moved forward and closed the gap between us, resting his hands against the wall and obstructing me once more. Then he leaned into my ear and whispered, “You’re in my veins, swimming in my bloodstream …”

I closed my eyes, anticipating a romantic confession, despite the fact that he was too close for comfort.

“And I hate it,”he finished. Those words were filled with such resentment, and the way he said it shook me to the core because he had drained all emotion from his voice.

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