Page 83 of Mine For The Winter

“You sleep okay last night?” he asked her.

“I must have. Though I woke up this morning in the beginning of a panic attack.”

“What?” He frowned. “You get panic attacks?”

“Haven’t for a long time, no. And I didn’t get one this time. I just kind of felt it coming on so I took a few breaths and it passed.”

“Was it me?” he asked, alarmed. “Did I give you the attack?”

“No.” She laughed softly. “I used to get them all the time when I was pregnant. After, too. Before Lyle left. Much worse than this morning. I used to think I was having a heart attack or something before I talked to the doctor and he explained what they were.”

“And you don’t get them anymore?”

“Very rarely. Like maybe every other year. It’s not a big thing. I’m fine.”

“It’s a big thing if you’re having panic attacks because we talked about our past,” he told her. “Do you think it could be related to that?”

“I think it was the memories. I dreamt about you leaving last night. When I woke up I was in that weird place between waking and sleeping. When I woke I thought I was in the past. In the bad old days. Just for a minute. But I’m fine now.”

“You should go to the doctor,” he said, because he hated the thought of her panicking all alone.

“I’m fine, Kris. Honestly. It probably won’t happen again for years. And anyway, that’s not why I’m calling.”

“I know why you’re calling. And I’m sorry. Cole put me on the spot. I wasn’t sure what to say.”

“It’s okay. I told him I’m good with you going to the game with him. I just want to talk to you first.” She took a breath. “He’s getting attached to you and it worries me.”

A weird mix of pleasure and annoyance washed through him. “Why does it worry you?”

“Because you’ll be leaving soon. And he’ll be upset. He doesn’t understand that people have different priorities. Plus his dad… Lyle…”

“I’m not Lyle.”

“I know you’re not. But you’re only here for a while. Then you’ll go back to your home and I’ll have to deal with the heartbreak.”

Again. She didn’t say it, but he heard it anyway.

“If I leave I’ll stay in touch with him. And be back to visit.” He shifted his feet. “And I may not go back anyway.”

“What?”

She sounded shocked. He’d have preferred happy. And wasn’t that a crock of shit? He hadn’t cared about her opinion when he left, but now he cared too much.

“I’ve kind of taken a break. The company I work for got taken over this year. All the partners got a huge payout. And the choice of whether we want to stay or go. That’s one of the reasons I’m here. To think about it.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” she asked him.

“I guess because I wasn’t sure what I’d be doing. At first I thought I’d come here for the winter and then go back. And now…”

“And now?”

“I guess I’d forgotten how much I love it here.”

“Oh.”

“But either way, whatever I decide I won’t hurt Cole. I know I have no track record on this, but I love the kid.”

“You do?” Her voice sounded strange. And he realized what he’d just said.

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