Page 80 of Mine For The Winter

“It’s not your fault.”

“Yeah it is.”

She shook her head. “It was Lyle’s. He could have gotten help. We tried to get him help.” That last summer they’d both pleaded for him to go to rehab. “Neither of us were responsible for his addictions.”

“I could have stayed for you. To support you.”

She turned to look at him for the first time, twisting in his arms. His gaze was dark and yet soft as cotton. She reached out to cup his cheek. “I think we both know it would have gotten even messier if you’d stayed.”

“I didn’t even call. Didn’t check on you.”

She lifted a brow. “So you didn’t ask my dad or your brothers how I was?”

“Well, yeah…”

She blew out a mouthful of air. “For the longest time I was mad at you. Even until a few weeks ago.”

“Or a few days ago.”

She smiled. “Okay, but really, we were kids. I was hurt, you were hurt, neither of us knew what we were doing.”

“But you stayed and I left. You carried the burden and I didn’t.”

“I assume you mean Lyle. Cole was never a burden.”

He smiled softly at her. “I know. I wish I’d met Cole as a baby.”

Her heart clenched. “I wish you had, too. But you know him now.”

“He’s a good kid. You did an amazing job with him. And don’t think I don’t know how hard that must have been. Running a business, taking care of your dad, raising a child alone.”

“I had no choice.”

“There’s always a choice. You just make good ones.”

Tears pricked her eyes. “Stop it.”

“I mean it. You were always the best of us.” He ran his tongue along his bottom lip. “When did Lyle leave?”

“For good? When Cole was one. But even before that he was barely here. Just came around when he had nowhere else to go. And then one day he was drunk and tried to snatch Cole out of my arms and I knew then it had to stop. I could take him being an asshole around me, but not around our son. I threw him out and he didn’t come back.”

“But he keeps in touch?”

“Barely. A call every now and then. Now that Cole has a phone he calls him occasionally.”

“I’m guessing he doesn’t pay child support.”

“Not really. He’ll send money if he has it and it occurs to him. I think he has a girlfriend in California. Not sure how serious it is, and I don’t care, except for Cole’s sake.”

“When was the last time you saw him?”

“A few years ago. His dad died and he came to the funeral. Cole and I saw him there.”

Kris nodded, his eyes still on hers. She was sitting so awkwardly that she had to move onto her knees. He helped her, hitching her up until she was resting on his thighs, her legs on either side of him.

It felt natural to loop her arms around him. Natural to touch the soft downy hair on the back of his neck with her fingers. Kris gave her the half smile she always used to love and she felt it down to her little toes.

“Do you ever think what it would have been like if I’d stayed?” he asked softly.

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