“Yeah, I guess it did. But you and Kris always seemed… like your friendship was unfinished business. For him as well as you.” He gave her a pointed look.
“Why for him?” she asked, tipping her head to the side.
“I don’t think he saved the tavern for me, that’s why. It was for you.”
She let out a long breath. “He said he might not be going back to England when the holidays are over.”
Her dad quirked an eyebrow. “Really?”
“Yeah. Apparently they had a huge payout and he’s thinking through his options.”
“How about you?” her dad asked. “Are you thinking through your options?”
“What options?” she asked, confused.
“The man is in love with you. I can see it now and I saw it back then. Back when you and Lyle were together.”
Her mouth turned dry. “We never…”
“I know you didn’t. You’re an honorable woman. And he’s a good man. But you two were so close for so long. Closer than you and Lyle.” He gave a little chuckle. “Remember when Kris came home from college and carried you out of the bar?”
She smiled. “Yeah, I remember.”
“I thought that was it. He was going to declare himself.”
“It was just a bit of fun, that’s all.”
“Was it?” her dad asked. “I still wonder about that. I wonder if Lyle hadn’t been here what would have happened.”
Her chest tightened. She and her dad never had conversations like this. She sometimes wondered if he even noticed what was going outside of his friends and their poker games.
“Like what?” she asked, curious. And maybe needing to hear what she hoped he’d say.
“I don’t know. I guess it’s old history. I just hated what Lyle did to you. He was never good enough for you. I was glad when he left, for yours and Cole’s sake.” Her dad looked down at the envelope he’d placed on the table, as though he couldn’t meet her eye. “And he’s gone, and that’s good. But you’re a young woman. You have the rest of your life in front of you. Don’t let fear stop you from taking a leap forward.”
“I’m not afraid.”
“Aren’t you?” he asked. “Because I’d be in your position.”
That was unexpected. He looked up and nodded. “I was afraid, Kel. After your mom died. For so long. And I thought if I waited until I wasn’t afraid anymore it would be okay. But the fear doesn’t go away as you get older. It just changes. Maybe even gets bigger.”
“So what should I do?” she asked him.
He smiled. “I can’t remember the last time you asked me for advice. And I hate to tell you, but I’m not the one to give it.” He cleared his throat. “But if I was in your position, still young, still beautiful, with a woman looking at me the way that Kris looks at you, I’d push away that fear and take the leap. Because life flashes by like a damn bolt of lightning. You think you’ve got forever, then suddenly it’s gone. I love you, and I love Cole, but part of me wishes that I hadn’t pushed away happiness after your mom died.”
He reached out and took her hand, squeezing it gently and she squeezed back. She felt wrung out and she hadn’t even finished her morning coffee. Between talking to Kris last night and her dad this morning it felt like she was so full of words she didn’t know what to do with them.
But she felt lighter. Like she’d lost ten pounds and gained a helium balloon. One that contained the most important emotion of all.
Hope.
She’d forgotten it existed for a long time. Been too busy surviving to think about what would happen in the future.
But her dad was right. What happened next was up to her – or at least some of it was. She was afraid of her feelings. She wanted Kris, and the way he held her last night made her think he wanted her, too. But was it enough to push the fear away?
22
“You’re doing what?” North asked him. Kris had taken a bottle of wine to his house to thank him for holding down the fort at the tavern last night. And now he was regretting only bringing one because his brother looked tired and Kris felt guilty. North worked so hard all day at the tree farm – harder than ever this year because Amber was pregnant.