Page 83 of Versions Of Us

I lean against the brick wall of the surf club while I wait for her. After a quick scan of the showground, I spot the Cliff Haven helpline tent set up to the far left of the carnival. Chase crosses the field, two bottles of water in hand and I cringe inwardly at the memory of how I’d treated him in the produce store the other day.

It killed me to learn that Chase had dated Kristen. I’d always sensed that he wanted more from her than friendship and when Mackenzie confirmed it, I got pissed.

But I had no right to demean him after my part in all of this. My accusations were unwarranted. If anything, I should be thanking him for looking out for Kristen in my absence. Be grateful to him for standing by her side.

I barely know who I am anymore. I’d set out on a journey not so long ago to find a better version of myself but somewhere along the way I got hopelessly lost. There are many things weighing on my conscience right now. I’m not sure how much more guilt I can carry but I do know of one way that I can lighten the load.

“Chase!” I call out as I begin to jog across the field. Chase stalls when he sees me and I raise my hands in a show of peace. “I’m not here to fight.”

“What do you want?” Chase asks. He doesn’t seem annoyed, just genuinely curious.

“To apologise.”

Chase sighs. “It’s not me you should be apologising to.”

“You know what I mean. I shouldn’t have treated you that way and I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he says as he turns to walk away.

“How is she?” I call out. He swings back around slowly. “I mean, how was she after…”

“After you left?”

“Yeah.” I know I’m not going to like his answer, but I deserve nothing less than the ache it will bring me.

He shakes his head. I follow his line of sight to the bake sale booth where Kristen manoeuvres around the front of the table to serve a box of baked treats to an elderly customer.

“Devastated. Lost. Broken,” he lists each word and I wince at every one of them. “She tried to hide it, but I could see through it. Still can.”

I nod hopelessly. “Thank you. For being there when I wasn’t.”

His mouth pulls in a grim line. “It’s never been me she’s needed.”

He turns and I watch as he jogs back to Kristen. I don’t think I could hate myself any more than I do right now.

“You okay?” Mackenzie’s voice comes from somewhere behind me.

“Not really,” I reply honestly.

“You wanna talk about it?”

I shake my head.

“Come on,” she says, linking her arm through mine. “I know something that might help cheer you up.”

“I doubt it,” I say, but I let her lead me across the showground until we’re standing directly in front of the petting zoo.

She points to the animal that has caught her eye. “Isn’t that the most freaking adorable thing you’ve ever seen in your life?” Mackenzie asks, gripping my arm tighter. “I mean, look at it!”

She squeals. Like, literally squeals. It’s the most un-Mackenzie thing I’ve ever heard, I have to do a double take to make sure this tiny blonde hanging from my arm is the same girl that spent months torturing me with sarcastic remarks and more recently, bullying me for snoring.

But no, it’s definitely Mackenzie that’s gone completely gaga for a three-foot-tall baby alpaca, who according to the sign on the gate, is named Lola.

“Look at her eyelashes!” she gushes.

When she smiles, I can’t help but think that this is the first time I’ve actually seen her happy and that has me smiling too.

“Yep, those eyelashes are something,” I agree.

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