Page 55 of Versions Of Us

Turns out I’m pretty good at screwing myself over too, because as she sat there right in this very seat next to me, waiting for me to say something that could erase all the pain I’ve put her through, whatever the hell that might be, I stayed silent and watched the hope in her eyes turn to hatred.

There’s no worse sensation in this world than feeling worthless and that’s exactly what I am now.

I’m both a helpless, inferior speck of nothing and a colossal waste of space.

Overwhelmed with emotion, I let the tears fall, my shoulders shaking as I sit hunched over the steering wheel.

This impenetrable shield I’ve built around myself has to go. I know that now. I know that if it stays, I’ll be surrendering myself to a life of solitude.

And I don’t want to be helpless.

I don’t want to be a waste of space.

I want to fix everything. To cut out all the bad parts and paste the good ones back together again, constructing a perfect map of a happy life.

I know there’s no easy solution to this mess, but I’ve been given a second chance and I have to take it. I owe it to Kristen to be better.

I owe it to myself.

And I owe it to Steve and Maggie.

I need Kristen in my life, because after knowing what it feels like to be loved by her, I know that life isn’t worth living without her in it. Our relationship is going to take more than apologies to mend. Right now, I know she needs space so that’s exactly what I’m going to give her.

In the meantime, I need a distraction. Something to keep me busy when all I want to do is go to her.

An idea begins to take shape in my mind. There may be no quick fix for me and Kristen, but there is a way that I can repay Maggie and Steve for their generosity. Or begin to at least.

I step on the accelerator and swing the car around. I need to make an extra stop at Bill’s Hardware.

Chapter 24

KRISTEN

Ienter the helpline office, forcing a smile at Jules before finding my desk. I seem to be doing that a lot lately. Forcing smiles. Faking pleasantries. Not that things were great before Henley showed back up in town, but I was starting to get used to existing without him. As unbearable as that notion felt to me, I was moving on.

I power on the computer and gaze out at the dark ocean below as I wait for it to load. I’ve been seated for close to ten minutes when the phone finally rings. I stare at it a moment, giving myself a chance to get out of my own head, to enter a mindset that will better equip me to help people that are potentially going through worse things than I could ever imagine.

That’s the one thing I’m constantly reminding myself of these days. That whatever life has thrown at me, there are others that have been dealt a lesser hand.

“Cliff Haven helpline. You’re speaking with Kristen.” I wait, listening intently for a reply to come through from the other end.

“Finally,” comes a sarcastic response. “I was beginning to think the place had shut down.”

“Em.” I smile at her cynicism. “I’m really glad you called.”

It’s been weeks since I’ve had her on the phone. I’m still disturbed by our previous chat, been haunted by all the things she didn’t say.

“It’s that boring at the helpline, huh?”

I’m so relieved to be speaking to her I can only laugh at her attempt at dry humour.

“No, I’ve been concerned about you,” I say, honestly. “I feel like our last conversation took a dark turn.”

“Welcome to my life,” she mutters.

“We talked a lot about me last time. About my parents,” I say gently. “I thought that maybe this time you could tell me about yours.”

I hear her scoff. “My parents aren’t worth talking about.”

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