Page 23 of Versions Of Us

Alex

PS: I think you should move in with me.

I smile at the last line. It was true that I spent more time in this house than my own apartment. It would make complete sense, but even though we’ve known each other for what seems like forever, it still feels like a massive commitment. Then again, after last night’s conversation, it’s not so hard to believe that it’s one we’re both ready for.

I wish he was here, his arms encasing me, his breath in my hair. What could have been so important that he had to leave before I woke?

I reach for my phone on the bedside table and hit call on his name in my contacts. It rings for few beats, but I hang up when I’m sent to voicemail. If he said he had something important to do then I trust him, but I know I’m going to be wondering about it all day until his return.

I decide to view his absence today as a positive. At least this way I can get some undistracted study time in before I start my induction at the Cliff Haven helpline tonight.

But first, I need coffee. And breakfast.

I take a quick shower and dress in a simple white tee and pair of light wash denim jeans I’d left in one of Henley’s drawers and head for the Haven, knowing I’ll be in a much better frame of mind for studying once I’ve eaten.

I walk briskly, taking in the sights of the river as newly orange leaves float lazily to the ground. I pass the park bench Henley and I sat on just last night, when he had told me he was all in. Pieces of what we talked about resurface from my memory.

I know I’ve hurt you in the past. But I’m done messing around.

It is no secret that our relationship has been a long and complicated one. But the heartache had never been one sided. If we were being honest with ourselves, we’d both done our fair share of the hurting.

And reflecting on that, it’s now obvious to me that every single one of those times had something to do with our insecurities. I’ve always had this almost paralysing fear of abandonment. He’s never believed that he’s good enough.

When I reach the Haven, it’s blatantly obvious that Carla had a little too much fun last night. She hunches over the coffee machine, looking a little worse for wear, dark half-moons underlining her blue eyes.

“Hey Carla. Big night last night, huh?” I tease.

“Ugh,” she grimaces. “I’m getting too old for this stuff.”

“How late were you out?” I ask as I begin tidying a stack of napkins on the counter in front of me. Force of habit.

“I fell into bed about one in the morning, I think.” Her mouth stretches in a yawn as if by way of proving her fatigue.

“Wow! That is late for you. Look at you go, girl.” I hold up my open palm comically awaiting a high five which she reciprocates with an unamused look.

“It was an amazing party though,” she admits. “And what you guys did with the place? Stunning. It was so beautiful.” She grabs a takeaway cup from the back bench and takes a long sip. “You know, if you guys hadn’t already found your calling, I’d tell you to get into event planning and interior decorating.”

Her comment makes me laugh. “Well, thank you. I’ll keep that in mind if psychology doesn’t work out. Speaking of which, I have a big cram session planned.”

“Sounds riveting,” Carla says sarcastically. “You want your usual?”

“Yeah, thanks. I’ll get it to go, please.”

“Can you make a large cappuccino for Kristen please?” she calls to Harper, our most recently employed trainee.

Harper begins fussing over the coffee machine and fumbling with the takeaway cups. I haven’t gotten to know much about Harper yet. She seems super shy. She’s worked here for a week and in that time, the only thing I’ve learned about her is that she’s nineteen and has a boyfriend named Ryan.

“Actually, can I get a bacon and egg roll too?” I ask.

“Sure.”

“Add cheese, please.”

“Going all out today, huh?” Carla jokes.

“I’m actually starving,” I say.

My stomach growls in agreement. Henley and I never did make it to the freezer for that ice-cream last night.

---