Page 40 of For Never & Always

He waved a fork at her. “I’m not able to disclose that information, no matter how beautiful the asker.”

She blushed, which was ridiculous. “What are you planning to do now? Back to the cruise ship life?”

He pushed his hand through his hair, then meticulously rearranged his bangs, then shook his head.

“It was something I needed to do, and I learned a lot about cooking and myself, but I’m getting a little old for that life. I’m filming a pilot for a show since I seem to do well on TV. That would allow me to spend more time in one place, see my family more. I’m not sure beyond that. I’m…uh…kind of waiting to see how some personal things shake out.”

Oh no. He was not making her responsible for the rest of his life so he could throw it in her face later when he was unhappy.

“Maybe you should decide what you want to do with your life, and that will determine how your personal life looks,” she said through clenched teeth.

“I know what I want to do with the rest of my life,” he whispered, looking into her eyes. “I want to spend it with you.”

“That’s a weird thing to say to a girl on the first date, buddy!” she exclaimed, because she couldn’t deal with his big sad eyes staring into her soul, saying he wanted her forever. She changed the subject, hiding back in their first date personas. “Are you into any podcasts?”

He cleared his throat. “I do listen to one where three guys play DnD with their dad. It’s not bad. You?”

“I tried to get into true crime, but I ended up enraged about police corruption and the carceral state,” she said.

“Fair.” He twirled his fork, looking up at her from under his bangs. “Do you have any hobbies, in between your busy schedule of managing a Jewish Christmas tree empire?”

“A first date would not know I’m Jewish, Blue.”

“Your name is Hannah Rosenstein and you are wearing the hamsa necklace you got for your bat mitzvah from Cass,” he countered. “A first date who was paying any attention to you at all would know you were Jewish. What are your hobbies?”

“Well, I grew up in the country, so when I need to blow off steam, sometimes I shoot skeet. I love to go trout fishing, although it’s hard to find people who want to go with me.” She took a bite of her food, smiling serenely. They’d been arguing about trout fishing all their lives.

“Oh, weird, you mean your friends and relations don’t want to stand in a freezing cold lake in April catching their deaths of cold to catch three tiny fish they can’t even eat? I find that shocking.” His eyes twinkled.

“I will have you know I am an excellent trout fisherwoman,” she told him, “and I often catch fish big enough to eat.”

“Oh, do you cook?” he asked, even more mischief in his eyes.

“No, I do not. And I refuse to feel any shame about that. I have many other excellent skills.”

His gaze went from laughter to heat in a flash, and she cleared her throat.

“Okay, let’s head back now!” She signaled Collin for the check.

“Can I walk you to your door and kiss you good night?” he asked, smirking.

“Don’t push your luck, my dude. You can walk me to the front door of the inn, then make yourself scarce.”

“You’re worried you’re going to throw yourself at me. I understand. I’ll protect your virtue.”

He wasn’t wrong.

In the truck, on the drive back up the hill to the farm, she looked over at him. “Hey, have you…have you gone to any therapy, about the bullies, and Cass, and everything?”

He blew out a breath. “I had a string of pretty bad experiences with therapists, and I got to a point where I couldn’t go to one and be open to the process. We were mandated to see someone on theStar Chefset, and she could tell I was really uncomfortable, so she recommended a group setting, which worked out a lot better for me. Then I found an online support group for people who came out later in life, and I Zoom into that, and we work through a lot. So, not in the traditional sense, but also yes. It just turns out I do a lot better when I’m not one-on-one with someone I’m afraid is judging me.”

“You should talk to Noelle. She’s mad as hell at Cass. You two could unpack a lot together. Your little Cass Was Kind of a Bitch support group.”

Noelle didn’t think Cass had done enough to protect Miri from her home life. Hannah had never understood why Noelle couldn’t let the past go, now that Cass was gone, but she was starting to get it.

He laughed. “At least with Noelle I would know ahead of time that she was judging me.”

Chapter 11

---