Page 29 of Beyond The Barre

Hurt, he withdrew his hand, fished his keys out of his pocket, and followed her to his car.

During the short ride home he attempted to reason with her again but was met with an icy silence.

When he pulled up at her door, he followed her out of the car. He needed to try one more time.

“Scarlett,” he said. She stopped at the door and faced him. “You are absolutely perfect the way you are. You are certainly not fat or ugly.”

The moonlight highlighted the pain on her face. What had happened to her? What had made her think this way? Was this the penance for being a professional dancer? As much as he liked her, he wasn’t sure he was strong enough to fight those demons inside her. Especially if she couldn’t see them.

“I think you are absolutely the most attractive woman I have ever met, and it kills me that you can’t see that for yourself.”

Scarlett looked at him like he was delusional. “Stop lying to me. I know I’m not beautiful. I’m not that ballerina anymore. That was a mask I wore. Makeup and sequins.”

Lincoln couldn’t believe what she was saying. He ached to hold her in his arms until she saw herself the way everyone else saw her. The way he saw her.

“Just say it. I’m not good enough for you. I’m not now, and I never will be.” Hurt and anger spiked her venomous words.

“That’s not true. You are the only person I have ever wanted like this.” He sighed and raked a hand through his hair. He was sick of this. Sick of her denigrating herself and not believing in her good qualities.

He couldn’t fix her. No matter what he said or did, she would need to do the work herself. To value and appreciate herself.

“You know what, Scarlett?” He threw his hands up in surrender. “No one can love you until you learn to love yourself.”

He strode back to the car and turned on the ignition, hoping, praying she would follow him.

But when he looked back at the door, it was shut and she was nowhere to be seen.

CHAPTER 14

The next morning Scarlett woke up disoriented, like a dark fog had invaded her brain. She didn’t want to get out of bed or to face the day—all she wanted was to go back to sleep.

So she did.

The day after that, her alarm woke her up. She had classes to teach, but not until ten. Normally she would jog to the gym and work out first, but today she wanted to go back to sleep. It was only intense hunger that finally got her to her feet.

After eating a small pot of Greek yoghurt, she felt slightly more herself. As she debated whether to go back to bed and wither away or to have a shower, her phone rang. She glanced at the screen to see it was Chloe.

“Hello,” she answered, her voice raspy from not having been used for over a day.

“Scarlett, you missed yoga class last night. Are you okay?” The genuine concern in Chloe’s voice sent Scarlett over the edge, and she burst into tears. Maybe people did care about her after all?

Chloe didn’t even hesitate. “I’m coming over right now. What’s your address?”

Scarlett made it to the door a few minutes later. Her eyes were puffy from sobbing and as soon as Chloe saw her, she hugged her tightly and whispered reassuringly in her ear.

They sat together on the couch and Chloe comforted Scarlett as she finally found the words to tell her what had happened and how she felt so unworthy of anyone’s love.

“I want to help you,” Chloe said. “If you’ll let me?”

Scarlett knew the depression she was sliding into and didn’t want to go there. Not again. Not ever.

She nodded, knowing she needed Chloe to help her find herself and to find healthy strategies to overcome her past so she could move on in the future. “Please help me.”

Scarlett rolled her head as she came out of meditation. She was getting good at quieting her thoughts and focusing on her breath. Morning yoga with Chloe was part of her daily routine and after six weeks, she was reasonably happy with her strength, balance, and ability to focus on the positive.

She was still in the process of building her self-confidence. Chloe had connected her to an Internal Family Systems therapist, and after just a few short weeks they had uncovered some childhood trauma.

In one such session, Scarlett had remembered overhearing her mother and teacher discussing how naturally talented a dancer she was. Her mother had then said words to the effect of Scarlett isn’t good at anything else so she if she wants to make anything of her life, this will have to be it.

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