Page 6 of Travis

“Fine. But you’ll regret it.” She says, grabbing two shot glasses out of the cupboard. “You want one? I need one.”

“Why do you need one?” I ask, snidely. “Your ex-husband didn’t just walk in.”

“Becky, he’s not your ex-husband. Quit being dramatic.”

“I’m not being dramatic, Sara! We’re separated! I can’t…I can’t see him!”

She rounds on me. “Why not! He didn’t do anything other than fail to impregnate you! I don’t see why you have to crucify him for that! Did he cheat? No! Did he steal? Is he a deadbeat? No! He could have done a lot worse, Becky, and you know it!”

“So much for my supportive sister.” I say, tossing back a shot glass full of whatever concoction she has in the bottle next to the refrigerator.

She proceeds to toss one back, too. “I am being supportive. I think you’re throwing away a perfectly good marriage, and for what? Because you can’t have kids.”

My jaw drops as I scoff my irritated response. “That’s a fine thing to say, considering you got pregnant from sharing the same goddamn soap!” Ron and Sara got pregnant by accident. They had no intention of having children, seeing as Ron is a lawyer in a very prestigious law firm, and Sara is a realtor for one of the top realty companies in Dallas. Neither of them has enough time to conceive a child, let alone raise one. Sara once told me that Macey was the product of a two-minute morning interlude after the couple had gone without seeing each other for nearly a month, after Ron made partner and Sara had been away at a conference.

“Oh, stuff it, Becky.” She mutters, tossing back another shot.

“Take it easy on that! I don’t feel like mopping up your puke off the goddamn stockings!”

“That’s my last one.” She murmurs, setting the glass in the sink. “Come on and face the music with me.”

“Fine.” I relent, self-righteously, after squaring my shoulders. “Let’s go. I can handle this.”

“Of course, you can. The man still loves you to death, Becky.”

“Not helping.” I say, putting a hand in the air.

“I wasn’t trying to help.” She says under her breath, opening the kitchen door, before I can respond. I elbow her in the back as we walk out, and I see Travis sitting on the couch. He looks over and sees me. He gives me a perfunctory nod hello and I relax. He’s not getting up to come and talk to me, and make it all awkward, thank God.

“Okay, everyone! Macey and Ron are on their way in!” My mama shouts, her butt the only thing that is visible from behind the curtain, where she’s sticking her nose out the window, watching for her one and only grandchild. “Everyone hide!”

Sara hunkers down beside the arm of the couch with me, and I see Travis get off the couch and hide behind the coffee table. We all look like garden gnomes, bent like hunchbacks. When Ron enters the house with Macey in hand, we all jump up and yell surprise. Her face lights up brighter than the goddamn Christmas tree lit with about a thousand lights in the center of the living room. Her little hands go to her cheeks as she looks around, taking in the scenery. “Auntie Becky! Oh my gosh!” she gushes.

Suddenly, Travis starts clapping, smiling at me with pride. The whole room starts clapping along, too, and I smile sheepishly. Macey runs to me, and I bend down to her level to give her a hug. “Thank you so much, Auntie Becky! It looks so beautiful!”

“Oh, you’re very welcome, darlin’.” I gush, hugging her tight. I pick her up, even though she’s nearly half my weight, and squeeze her, before setting her back down, so she can go look at all the decorations. After doing rounds with her, Travis approaches me.

“You’ve done a lovely job.”

“Thanks.” I smile, but I don’t look directly at him. It’s taken me a while to figure out why I can’t look at him. My therapist tells me I’m ashamed, and it’s something that I have to work through on my own. Nobody knows I go to therapy, not even Sara. Not even my mama. It’s something I’ve kept to myself, because I’ve had a lot to work through since the separation. Even before the separation. In fact, that’s one of the reasons why I asked Travis to move out. I couldn’t work through and get right down into the nitty-gritty with him looking at me every day.

I’m ashamed of myself. Not because I’m the one that ended our marriage, but because I’m the one that caused all the resentment in it. I hated myself for not getting pregnant. I never hated Travis for not giving me a baby, because I know that it’s me. It has to be. His sperm is fine, so that’s all that it can be. I couldn’t look at him anymore, knowing that I failed him. That man loves kids probably more than I do, and it just got too hard. I can’t conceive. It’s taken me a long time with my therapist to be able to say that, but it’s easier to do when I don’t have a hopeful husband to look at when I say it.

Travis sees that he’s making me uncomfortable, so he lets me off the hook, bless him. “It’s…nice to see you, darlin’.” He says warmly.

I can’t reciprocate the sentiment. I feel it in my heart, but I can’t. And I hate myself for it. As Travis walks away, Sara approaches. “You need another second in the kitchen?”

I look at her and nod. “Yeah.”

“Okay, who took the last slice of Hawaiian?” Ron calls out. The music is blaring, the younger kids are gone to mama and daddy’s, and I think Ron and Sara’s entire neighborhood is in this house. Thankfully, the house is huge, and it can handle a large crowd. At least this time we won’t have to worry about complaints, since everyone living in a two-block radius, is under this roof. The gift table has been converted into a drinks table, since the wet bar isn’t finished being built yet, and Sara brought out the bar fridge from the basement.

“I believe it was me.” Travis admits. “Y’all want me to order more?”

“No, that’s okay, buddy.” Ron says. “More is on the way.”

I’m seeing two of my ex-husband, and I’m thinking it’s time to cut myself off, since both of them are starting to look good. Travis has this sexy way about him, that he’s not even aware of. He’s well built from working on a farm all his life, and he’s smart…God is he smart. He’s almost got his master’s degree in engineering. With big blue eyes, soft brown hair, perfect teeth and an ass that looks like two scoops of butter pecan ice cream, he is the whole package. I fell in love with him the second that I saw him, and I was hooked.

We met through mutual friends in high school. He’s the only man I’ve ever loved. Once we met, we were inseparable. We were both our firsts. We went to prom together and everything. We decided not to get married for a while, but not for not wanting to, we just had better things to spend our money on. Neither of us come from rich families, and neither of us ever did have enough money to brag about. So, we wanted to travel and do more fun things, and then settle down and get married and have kids later.

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