Page 15 of Travis

“Look, he knows that it was just for one night, Sara. I let him down easy, okay? I wouldn’t want to hurt him any more than I already have, and I sure didn’t mean to, to begin with. Separating from Travis was something that I did out of love, for him and for myself. He’s too good of a person to go through painful fights with. I didn’t want us to start tearing each other apart, you know?”

Sara is silent for a beat, before going to sit in the kitchen. She stuffs her sandwich in her mouth, as if now using it for comfort food, rather than just for lunch time sustenance. “You were so good together, Becky. That’s the hard part. It would be different if you were fighting like cats and dogs, and then I’d want you to put him out of his misery.” She looks at me. “But you two hardly fought. You were a team. What you went through together was way more than Ron and I have ever been through, and shit, we scream at each other way worse than what you and I just did now.”

I scoff. “You think I don’t know that? And that’s what I didn’t want to happen to me and Travis.”

Silence as we eat our sandwiches. Sara breaks the silence after she eats the last of it. “So, you didn’t feel an inkling to get back with him after that?”

I shake my head. “No. I think we’re making good progress being apart.”

Her brows knit together. “How can you say that?” her voice is a pained hiss. “He’s fucking miserable without you, Becky. Do you not see how he looks at you? It’s crushing.” Her voice cracks. I didn’t realize how painful this would be for her.

My hand rests on top of hers. “Sara, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. It just happened. It wasn’t malicious. And Travis knows that.”

“Yeah, but I bet you sure threw him for a loop, Becky.” A tear falls down her cheek. “How do you know you didn’t fuck with his head? Do you even know if he’s okay? I mean, shit, did you not even call him since? That’s worse than being dumped after a one-night stand.”

“No, I haven’t called him, Sara. Only because I don’t want to make it worse.” I rise and go kneel in front of her. “Think about it. We have amazing, surprise sex, spend the night together, and then I let him down easy, only to call him after the fact, and talk? Shit, Sara, that would be fucking with his head.”

She wipes the tears from her eyes with the heel of her hand. “I suppose you’re right.” A sniff. “God, I guess I just miss you and him so much. I miss our Saturday nights together as a family, and when he and Ron used to hang out, and then you and I did, too. I miss all that, Becky. We were always so good together, us five.”

And there it is. Sometimes you never know how much you impact someone else’s life with your own. The guilt bubbles up inside me and I hug her tight. “I’m sorry, Sara. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to hurt anyone. It’s just what I had to do so I wouldn’t hate myself or hate Travis, and then I’d really hate myself.”

“God, he’s such a great guy.” She sniffs. “I know that this is going to sound twisted and wrong, but I hate the thought of him being with someone that isn’t you.”

When she says that, I feel my heart stop for a beat. There’s something else that I need to talk to my therapist about. It never occurred to me that if Travis isn’t with me, then he may very well end up with someone else. It’s fair. He’s a young man. A human being with needs, just like me. And while I’ll never be with anyone else after him, I never considered that he might.

…suddenly I’m crying in my sister’s arms.

…and then we cry together.

Chapter 5

Travis - Present Day

Ihangmyheadin shame. “I lost my head, I guess.” I say, in answer to Grayson’s questioning glance.

“Ain’t nothing wrong with what y’all did, Travis. She’s your wife and you love her. If she didn’t want it to happen, it wouldn’t have. Don’t beat yourself up, man.” He pats me on the back. “I don’t know how I’d pull through if I was going through what you are, and that’s the truth.”

“Thanks. All the same, it’s going to make for one hell of a thing if she’s working here.”

“It shouldn’t be too much trouble, Travis. They’re doing the engagement photos here, and then just the wedding. She may be here a little but, believe me, Laura’ll keep y’all busy enough. This is the first wedding here outside of family, and she’ll want everything perfect. Laura doesn’t mess around with anything.” He insists. “Hell, she’ll have every square inch of this place done up for this shindig, and she goes all out for Christmas as it is.”

“She did tear a strip out of that company that delivered the bum Christmas bells.” I chuckle.

“That’s right. I’m telling you, this couple, they’re about to have the best damn wedding they ever planned on having, if my wife has anything to do with it. Laura’ll run herself ragged making sure everything is just perfect.”

“Well, that goes double, if they’ve got Becky on the task. She’s a perfectionist, too. Probably why she couldn’t handle it when things didn’t go according to plan with our marriage.”

“We’re all different, I suppose. Laura never knew what according to plan was. The life she’s led she only knew how to roll with the punches.”

“I guess that’s why Laura would never give up on your marriage, if she had been in Becky’s place.” I surmise.

Grayson walks towards the window in the small kitchenette. “Travis, everything in life happens for a reason, man. I strongly believe that. What y’all are going through here is a steppingstone. It’ll come to pass, and what’s on the other side of it will be better than what you had to begin with, and what that is is anyone’s guess, man, but you’ve got to have faith. Faith in yourself, faith in God, and faith that there’s something waiting for you on the other side.”

This topic is making me uncomfortable. I feel like I’m a project, suddenly, so I change the subject. “That how y’all got through being an alcoholic?”

He turns around suddenly. “It’s how I got through losing my first wife, man.”

Oh, shit. “I hadn’t heard. I’m sorry, man. Did she…did she throw you out, too?”

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