Page 54 of Travis

“Oh, darlin’, what’s going on.” I murmur to Becky, combing her hair through with my fingers. “Come on, baby. Wake up.” But she doesn’t. And I end up holding her hand in the ambulance all the way to the hospital.

…looks like my birthday this year isn’t going to be a lucky day. So much for my lucky number after all, huh.

“Have y’all heard anything?” I ask Grayson, who is the doctor on call in the emergency department. You would think that Becky’s been here decorating for Christmas. The place looks like Santa Claus puked in here. Garland is hung all up and down a rail that runs down each hallway wall, Christmas banners are taped to the walls, phoney miniature Christmas trees stand on each countertop in each little vestibule, including where Becky lies. She’s half in and out of consciousness, but with the pallor of her skin, dehydration and exhaustion I think is the only thing that can explain it.

I pray every second that that’s what it is. My mind won’t go anyplace else. The thought of anything being wrong with Becky I can’t even fathom. I won’t fathom it. Not for a second. As I sit next to her, on a metal chair inches from the bed, I plead that Grayson’s heard something from the blood tests that they did moments ago. “No, nothing yet, man. But you’ll be the first to know.”

“Thanks.” I nod.

Sara and Ron came with us to the hospital, while everyone else stayed back, including Buck, who didn’t want to leave a house full of people. He said he’d send everyone home at any rate, but it still wouldn’t have been right for him to leave them all. I look over at Becky, and her eyes open. She looks awful. But most of all, she looks so sad. “What’s the matter, darlin’?” I ask tenderly.

“God, if I’m sick, Travis. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

I squeeze her hand. “Well, love, you’ll get through it, that’s all. There is nothing that you’ve not been able to get through since I met you.”

She swallows, and a tear falls down her cheek. “Travis, that’s not true, and you know it.”

“Becky, you got through it, darlin’.” I counter, stroking her hand with my fingers. “You coped and did what y’all had to do. You’re still here and you’re still sane, and that counts for something.”

The look on her face is so hopeless, it tears my heart out. “Travis, I may still be here, but a piece of me died when it all fell apart.” She gasps, and I rise to hold her tight.

“A piece of me died, too, darlin’. But you and I can find a way. I think we already are finding a way. It’s just a…a new normal, Becky.”

“Travis, I don’t know if I’ll ever get over this.” She hisses emotionally, and then sniffs, wiping the tears off her eyes. “I’ve never had to deal with failure before, and I…I don’t know how to yet.”

“Becky, we don’t need to worry about this right now, darlin’.” I reason, pulling back to look into her eyes. “Right now, we need to get y’all better again.”

The tears pool in her eyes as she looks at me with such a desperate look, I almost have to look away, it’s so painful for me. “Travis, what if I’m really sick? I’ve never collapsed before in my life.”

“But you’ve also never taken on so much before, Becky. Something’s gotta give, darlin’.”

“Travis, I’ve not been feeling so well for a while, and I’m scared.”

“Well, why didn’t you say something, Becky?”

“Because I’m too busy to get sick, Travis.” She whispers, tears falling down her cheeks. “And I just thought it was anxiety. I heard that that can be a terrible thing, Travis.”

“If that’s all it is, Becky, that’s something y’all can deal with.”

“Knock knock.” We hear a familiar voice call, and then Clint’s face appears from the other side of the curtain. He’s dressed in street clothes.

“Hey, Clint. You got the clinic all closed up?” I ask, handing Becky a tissue, so she can wipe her face.

“Yeah. I heard that you had a bad spell tonight.” He says, addressing Becky.

“I did.” She says as she blows her nose.

“Well, the blood’s being done now, sweetheart. We’re just waiting for the CT scanner to be ready, and we’ll take y’all down for one of those, and take it from there.”

“What’s the CT scan for?” I ask.

“She lost consciousness, man. Gotta check and make sure she didn’t hurt her noggin.”

“Ah, okay.” I nod, showing how medically challenged I am. Environment and horses are my forte, not this kind of stuff. “You heading home now?”

“Na, Cassie’s back at Laura’s with everyone else. I’ll go join them.” He looks warmly at Becky. “Looks like we’re all keeping vigil for you, darlin’. Y’all make sure you keep us posted.”

“We will.” I answer for her, since another wave of emotion hits her.

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