Page 50 of Knotty New Year

“Nicky, you idiot! Finally.” Lin stood, leaving the tea, and punched him hard on the arm as she passed. Then she gave him a hug, whispering something in his ear before they both turned their heads toward me. I closed my eyes, trying not to let her, or him, see how his words had devastated me. “Every time I think you couldn’t fuck this up worse, you do. Explain what you meant,” she ordered before she slipped out of the room.

“What–what I meant?” he sputtered, then gasped as I began to throw my feet over the edge of the bed, though each leg weighed a thousand pounds and standing made me dizzy.

“I heard you, Pax. Don’t worry. I won’t stay.”

Rain was on her way. She’d take me somewhere I could recover. She’d survived losing her true mate. I would, too.

Before I knew what was happening, Pax had stormed across the room, and had me in his arms. “Oh, fuck. No, Candy, sweetheart, no!”

I tried to keep myself stiff while he held me steady, tried not to let him see how broken I was. But the simple touch of his skin on mine was enough to bring all the memories back of my birthday and Christmas, and before, when we were snowed in. All the wonders of discovering my true mate.

And then the agony of realizing the dream wasn’t reality. And I wasn’t his love at all.

I was just his mate. A trick fate had played on him.

I’d felt, for a few days, like it might work. That his life would change as radically as mine had. I wanted him at the center of it all. Whether I worked, or went to school, or whatever the future held… I’d seen him there with me, beside me. I’d wanted to build a life with him more than anything in the world.

I’d believed that the mark he’d left on my neck meant he wanted the same.

Maybe before he’d claimed me, when he’d told me I was too young, he hadn’t meant I was too young to be tied to him for life.

He’d meant I wasn’t enough. I wasn’t worthy of being put first.

It felt like everything good in the world, all my plans for the future, had been stripped away before I’d even begun to realize them. I was teetering on the brink of collapse, so I closed my eyes before he could see what he’d done to me.

“Let me go,” I begged. “Just let me go.”

“Wherever you go, I will go. I will never leave you again. I promise.”

“Your promises don’t mean anything.”

“Tell me,” he whispered.

So I did. I opened my mouth and all of it came pouring out, all of the fear and worry and hurt. The pain of knowing I would never be his priority. How I didn’t measure up to his perfect doctor colleague. How he had hurt me by not telling the world we were together. By not telling anyone, besides his siblings.

He stood still, holding me, taking it. Listening, until at last I fell silent, and opened my eyes again, really looking at him for the first time.

His skin was paler than it had ever been, his hair mussed, as if he’d run his hands through it a thousand times. His lips and jaw were tight, suppressing emotions, but his eyes…

“Pax?” I croaked. Tears leaked from his bloodshot eyes as he stared at me like… like I was precious to him. Like all my dreams had been real.

But there was agony behind the softness. A knife turned inward, and I could feel its sharp edge in the mate bond with him this close. It was like he hated himself for hurting me.

“You said I shouldn’t stay,” I mumbled, confused.

“When I said that, I meant you should hate me. You should never want to see me again, for letting you get hurt. For sending you away alone, not putting you first.” He stroked a hand down the side of my face, agony in every word. “I don’t deserve you. I never did. But I’m going to try and convince you to give me another chance. To show you that you’re all that I care about from now on.”

I shook my head. It sounded good, but I knew as soon as this was over, he’d be back to running his company. Shutting me out. Treating me like a child.

“No, Pax. You were right. I’m not old enough or accomplished enough for the CEO of Paxson Pharma.” I tried to picture myself sitting at his side at a shareholder meeting, or standing beside him at a press conference.

People would think I was his intern. Or worse, like Dr. Murray. His teenaged sister.

I’d seen his embarrassment.

“You already raised your siblings. You don’t want to raise a dumb omega who doesn’t even understand what your job requires,” I tried to joke, though my voice was hoarse. “I’ll go back to college, or something. Maybe start a pig farm.”

His jaw trembled. “Then we’ll be pig farmers together. I need a new job. I resigned my position as CEO of Paxson an hour ago.”

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