Page 47 of Knotty New Year

They promised to find her for me and get her medical assistance if she needed it.

My fingers trembled as I typed the messages to let them know that she already needed medical help. When the phone rang, I spoke to Kati, who was the calmest of us all in a crisis. She tried to keep the censure out of her tone, but it was there.

And I deserved it.

Victor picked up the phone when I dropped it, and spoke with Kati for a long while before hanging up. Finally, he said, “They’ll get her help, Nicky. Don’t worry. You know we’ve got your back, just like you always had ours.”

Agony raced through my arm, and my heart. “I should never have left her side. The thought of her hurting, suffering, when I’m so far away… God, if I could go back and do it again—” I stopped when Victor let out a sigh.

“What are you planning to change, Nicky?”

“What do you mean?” I frowned. “I’m sure as hell never going to leave her side.”

“How are you going to make that happen? I haven’t been here for a while, but before I left, all you did was work. It was your reason to get up in the mornings, and what you thought about every hour of every day. Are you going to let that go?” His shadowed eyes were filled with compassion. “She’s your reason, isn’t she?”

I nodded, dumbly.

“So what are you going to do differently from this moment on?”

“I’m done.” I stood, pacing back and forth. I knew exactly what I had to do. “I’m done withallof it. Unless it’s helping her reach her dreams. Unless I’m at her side, none of it fucking matters.”

“That’s the right answer, brother. I’ll help you however I can. And I promise, when you get there, it’ll be okay.”

My laugh was hollow and humorless. “It’ll never be okay. She’ll never forgive me. Sheshouldnever forgive me. I promised to be there, promised her mother I’d put her daughter first, and I didn’t even make it three days before I deserted her. I’m not worthy of my omega.”

“None of us are worthy, brother,” Victor said quietly. “All we can do is try not to let them realize it. And never stop trying to be better, for them.”

His eyes closed as he murmured, “For her.”

Chapter20

Candy

Iwas as sick as I’d ever been. I still thought it might be altitude sickness, but it was every bit as bad as the flu. All I knew was that I wasn’t well, and that I had a fever. I wasn’t thinking clearly enough to understand what was really happening.

The last thing I remembered was falling into a snowbank, and not accidentally.

I’d gotten onto a run that was far too advanced, so I’d taken off my skis and was side stepping through a wooded area, on my way to the next lift. I knew I was acting irrationally—I should’ve flagged down one of the skiers racing past, but they looked large, like alphas, and I couldn’t stand the idea of any of them close to me.

The only alpha I wanted was Pax. I was so tired. Tired of waiting for him to arrive, tired of feeling like I was the only one of us who wanted to be together. Tired of feeling like I wasn’t enough for him, that he’d never love me.

Or be around me long enough to even fall in love.

He would probably marry me out of some sense of obligation, though. He was so responsible, always thinking of others… and I was selfish for wanting to be the one who he thought of first. Most often.

But even if it wasn’t fair, even if it was immature of me to need it, I wanted to come first for Pax. I wanted to be his focus, not his distraction.

My mate mark flared up like a fresh burn on my neck. Our biology had more or less forced us to claim each other. But it couldn’t force us to stay together.

That was obvious. It was New Year’s, and I was alone. He’d lied about his flight, the weather, maybe even lied about wanting to marry me. He’d never talked about love. Maybe he’d never love me.

He was probably with Dr. Murray right now, telling her how much he respected her. How pretty and perfect and professional she was…

I should take off my ring,I decided.If I’m not going to be his wife, I shouldn’t pretend.

I pulled a glove off, but when I stared down, it was the wrong one. My right hand. So I grabbed the other one and finally got the ring off. I wanted to throw it as far as I could away from me, but my arms were as weak as well as hot. So I let the ring fall to the ground instead, then buried both hands into the snow, sighing in relief. The cold of the snow felt so good on my hot skin.

I was so hot, everywhere. Maybe I needed more snow. I ripped at my ski clothing, unable to get anything but my gloves and hat off in the end. That would have to be enough. Finally, I scooted over to a deep drift of snow and buried myself in it as deeply as I could.

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